Jake's MindSay Blog

What a Day-

dontnowhy — 2004-03-01T09:03:00-05:00

Today was quite a day. Today was the first time i saw my girlfriend since we broke up. It was hard, because i realized what i had given up. I felt awkward around my best friend- not a comforting thought.

In chorus today, we were assigning rooms for our trip in April. My friend Ryan asked me to be in his room and proceeded to leave the room. Well, Blake and I took it upon ourselves to get 2 more guys to fill up a 4 person room, leaving ryan out. I've felt horrible all afternoon, but a great person once told me that even if you feel bad about doing something, it still doesn't change the fact that you did it. She was right.

Thanks for visiting my life.
-jake

Passion

dontnowhy — 2004-03-15T07:03:00-05:00

I went with my high school to see the Passion of the Christ today. I left the school expecting to see one of the goriest movies ever..and to be completely shocked beyond belief. When i sat down in that theatre...and waited for the movie to begin..i started clearing my mind of the reviews, bad and good, and watched the movie with an open mind. I discovered that this movie is the most touching movie I've ever seen. It was graphic, but that isn't what i focused on. It was very artistic, like a movie should be, but i didn't focus on that. It had shocking moments, but i didn't focus on those either. I did focus on one thing though.... the pain, that the Son of God was enduring, physically and emotionally. I wasn't there at Calvary that day, and neither was mel gibson, but I think it was a good story...and it definitely impacted me...not because of the hype or graphics or special effects, but the victory that took so much suffering to accomplish.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

ANNIE

dontnowhy — 2004-03-22T08:03:00-05:00

wow today was a 4 hour long annie practice..and thats only how long i was there...there were still people at that place practicing past 7:00. Yeah, my scene went well, but i have slick my hair back like they did in the 30s. That'll be fun...i'll look like a dork, but thats ok. All for the sake of theatre. I don't mind sitting in that cafeteria for 3 hours before my scene and then 45 minutes after....i mean at least i went to KFC. For all those people that didn't get dinner.. i tried to give them pieces of popcorn chicken. It was a hit until it was gone.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Christ

dontnowhy — 2004-04-13T12:04:00-05:00

question: Are you a Christian?
It can be difficult to determine sometimes. Every Christian has his/her own convictions about sin and everyone has different beliefs on how the human race first started and when and how its going to end, but we shouldn't incorporate that with being Christian. Being Christian simply states that you believe God came to earth in the form of a man named Jesus Christ and that man died for all of mankinds sins, that they could be forgiven. I think everyone should have their own views on such things as the creation of earth and the end of earth, but no one set of views should be stereotyped to Christianity. Most believe in the way the Bible depicts our history and future, some believe portions of the Bible, and yet others don't believe that our beginning or end is important and that the only thing that is, is our life we lead on earth now. Being a Christian means living your life according to the way Christ taught while on earth, and accepting Him as the Son of God.

I just thought i'd put my view on Christ right there.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Campaign

dontnowhy — 2004-05-09T12:05:00-05:00

Wow this week has been busy, and i get to start off this upcoming one with a student council election speech. I'm not quite sure what i'm going to say yet...but it will come to me. I pulled it through last year with a landslide, but things are different in high school. New regulations on humor and content of the speech limits me quite a bit. I just have to try my best and give it all i've got.
Pray for our soldiers around the world and the families.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Call It In the Air

dontnowhy — 2004-05-19T07:05:00-05:00

In your head, nostalgia is death.
choose starlight.
no way to retrace.
it is gone.
choose star bright.
no way to retrace.
it is gone.
no way to retrace all your good days add them up.
it is gone.
none of you knew any more then. leave it here.
it is gone.
can't depend on honest answers from dependent hands.
won't accept an honest answer from an open hand.
say the words and i sign off.
starlight star bright.

Graduation

dontnowhy — 2004-05-22T04:05:00-05:00

Last night was my older brother's graduation from high school. It was a good ceremony, but still sad. I'm gonna miss my brother being at school along with all the seniors. They are a great class and we're all goin to miss them alot.

One good thing about the ceremony is that we only have about 50 people graduating because it is a private school. It didn't take as long as a 200 person graduation.

Can I Graduate,
Can I Graduate,
Can I look at faces that I meet,
Can I get my punk-ass off the street,
I've been living on for so long,

Can I Graduate-

-just thought i'd put that in.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Speed Street

dontnowhy — 2004-05-27T09:05:00-05:00

Wow. Today was a day. It all started with a geometry exam. I did ok on it. Then i went to my dad's office and had some lunch before i headed to charlotte. I arrived in uptown at 12:45 in time for a 2:00 shift. I was dropped off across the street from my trailer, but there were so many coke vendors...i had no idea which one to go to. I got lost and wandered around, the stench of cheap beer filled the air. I stood behind the wrong coke vendor for a half an hour until i went wandering again, and found mine. It was 2:00 then. I wasted an hour and 15 min.

Anyway, speed street was awesome. I was workin with houston and donnie, and sold plenty of coke products. After a few headaches, caffeine drinks (stacker2) and the heat, i came out with about 16 bucks in tips. Not great, but not bad. I might go work tomorrow too, but its kinda up in the air. I had an awesome time, met some cool people, and made money. It was awesome.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Presence

dontnowhy — 2004-06-10T03:06:00-05:00

Long ago, over the wind, the movement of shadows confuse even the sturdiest of defenses. Dreams perturb even the greatest thoughts for a lifetime. Thoughts that last are triggered by one dream. From the shallowest of places, asleep in darkness, yet light overwhelms. Shatter my life into pieces in one night. Bring joy, put fear into the hearts of the bravest men. Change the course of history in one moment. Dreams come from the mind, not the heart. Memories of a year, day, forgotten. the Past is what keeps us alive.Feeling a change in temperature, drops below zero. Feeling the emptiness of morning, as dawn falls.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Gulay

dontnowhy — 2004-06-26T03:06:00-05:00

My week was awesome. The CLEATS soccer camp was really fun and I got to spend some time with my friends. The kids were fun, interesting, but definitely not low-maintenance. I learned alot about having patience with kids and about soccer itself. I'm glad I had the opportunity to help out.

Anyway, I was going to set up a checking account today, but of course I couldn't find my wallet with my "required photo ID". I turned the house upside down. Let's just say I was alittle "upset with myself". My mom left without me to go grocery shopping and within minutes of her arrival back at home, I found it....under my little brothers pile of clothes. How it got there, I'll never know, but I am relieved that I found it.

"....staring contest...onetwothreeGO!...."

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

My Week

dontnowhy — 2004-07-03T04:07:00-05:00

Well, I'm leaving tomorrow in the wee hours of dawn. The outerbanks- land full of wonder and beauty.

Alright, since I know all of you will miss me and want to know what i'm doing every second of every day that i'm gone, so I will give you a brief synopsis of my vacation. It's more fun if you read one part everyday, but i guess you can read the whole thing at once if you must....

Sunday- roll out of bed, fall down stairs, and be thrown into moving automobile. 7-8 hour car ride (depending on traffic and how many sodas i drink).
Arrive at the rental house and unload automobile. Jump from two story deck into shallow end of pool. Watch fireworks. Eat food. Sleep.

Monday- awake to the sound of children playing in street. Roll down stairs and skate off to school, only to realize that its summer and there is no school within 50 miles of the property. Go back to house and request presence of brothers to go to beach. I and brothers attend the vast sandiness of the outerbanks and swim in large body of water known as "ocean". Return to house. I find out that my youngest brother, Tim, has gone to the pier. I walk to the pier and find Tim talking to large man. Tell tim that it is time to return home. We arrive at home and go to dinner at German restaraunt, "The Weeping Raddish". Go back to house and sleep.

Tuesday- Awake to birds chirping. Walk down stairs and eat breakfast. Go swim in pool. Find out that Tim has gone to the pier again. Aquire my older brother Matt to help me go find Tim. We arrive at pier store and find tim talking to same strange large man. Man gives Tim a piece of paper, a note of some kind. Tim says its a business card. Return to house and take nap on hammock. Awake to eat dinner. Go to pier and watch the waves while thinking and taking in the beauty of the place. While walking back to house, i see a girl walk up to me and ask why I'm out so late. She says her name is Tuesday. I don't believe her and think it is just a joke, but it turns out to be her real name. We walk back to my house and she happens to be staying two houses down from me. I retire to bed and sleep.

Wednesday- I awake to the door slamming shut. I walk downstairs to find that Tim was gone. He has disappeared in the middle of the night. I thought he might be at the pier so Matt and i go down to the pier. We arrive at the pier to find tim being taken in a truck tied up. Matt and I chased this truck with 2 hijacked motorized scooters and caught up just in time for me to jump onto back of truck. Matt doesn't make it, but instead goes to call police. The ride isn't very long and we arrive at a dock with a large yacht. I hide underneath the truck while 2 more large men unload tim onto the ship, along with many boxes. I try to sneak onto ship and I'm successful. I hide in a closet for what seemed like hours, planning a rescue attempt for my brother. Its late. i fall asleep.

Thursday-(early morning) I awake to the sound of talking and some shouting. I creak open the door of my closet trying to see what is going on. I creep out and run across the hallway into another room. I find Tim in the corner asleep. I wake him up and attempt to sneak out the door, but I'm confronted by yet another large scary man. He drags Tim and I down some stairs and into a dark wet corner of the hull. Tim explains that he was kidnapped because the large man at the pier posed as a boogie board dealer, but he was actually a child slave and narcotics dealer. Well, things aren't looking up for us now. We sit there for many hours. We don't know where we are headed, but can tell its getting dark. I stand up, hands and feet bound and try to hop over to door, falling many times. I reach the door and open it with my teeth and crawl out into the hallway. By this time, it was almost Midnight.

Friday- I keep crawling down this hallway until I reach a room where the light is still on. I peek through the crack of the door just as the door opens. I see Tuesday standing there with a puzzled look on her face. She drags me into her room and explains that she is Paco's (large pier man) daughter. I am shocked and ask her if she knows about the child slave operations. She says she doesn't. Well, I ask her if she can help us escape. She says she will do her best, but for now i will have to go back to the other room and pretend that I'm not planning anything. I wait all day. That afternoon, Paco walks into Tim and I's room and opens a safe and takes some papers out and leaves again. We wait a few more hours. Tuesday sneaks in and cuts the wires and ropes and tells us to follow her. We walk down the hall way, and she leads us into the bridge, only to find it empty. No one was controlling the ship. We search the entire yacht and there was no one left. I find out it is about 10:30 PM and that the ship is headed south toward Cuba. I immediately try to turn it around to go back to the US.

Saturday- I'm awoken by several coast guard officers raiding the yacht. All three of us are arrested for smuggling illegal narcotics. We are put in jail and are interrogated several times. We wait yet again in jail until we are told that we are being escorted back to Charlotte by the Feds into the custody of our parents.
I fall asleep on the plane.

Sunday- I wake up. I get off the plane. We go home and we're lectured about meeting strangers in strange places. I wonder whatever happened to good ole Paco. Whatever it is, I hope its not good. I'm betting he'll show up one day at my door and say "you got punked...hahahaha"

(all content is subject to change due to weather and the limited supply of large scary men)

I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'll be back next Sunday. Enjoy your week.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

My Week (part 2)

dontnowhy — 2004-07-11T06:07:00-05:00

Well, I have made my way back from the outer banks safely. I did absolutely nothing except for kayaking, hang-gliding, swimming in the pool, riding bikes, playing in the shark infested ocean, helping fly a kite, getting sand in my shoes and "sand"als.......well i thought it was clever...., sleeping, relaxing, and .......sleeping.

Other than that, I did nothing. The ride there was defintely not as dramatic as i would have hoped, but it gave me time to do my least favorite thing in the world(thinking too much), along side my one of my favorite things to do(listening to music). I missed everyone alot and although i had fun away for a while, i'm glad I'm back. i would post some pics of my adventures, but i'll have to figure out a way to do it, so that all of the glory can shine to its full potential....(not really- i actually don't think i can, so when i get around to it i will.)

I came back home and got quite a few emails and letters, one of which was my checkcard. Yeah, its really cool. Its like having a credit card....that can't do a whole lot. Its actually an ATM card, but I feel the power of money and greed when i hold it in my grasp......yeah.

Alright, I'm back to my life of work and soccer. God-Speed.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Once Upon A Bad Time

dontnowhy — 2004-07-12T11:07:00-05:00

This blog entry is to be read by literate males and females only. Only people with keyboards may respond with a comment. The colors on my blog may only be seen on a computer monitor or laptop.

Alright, those are the rules.

Life happens. You can't stop it. You can't pause time and live in a moment forever. Regretting life only leads to more regret. What is more important, your first words, or your last words? What is better, feeling out of place, or being too involved with everyone to ever have a personal relationship with any particular person?

Its hard to love someone who doesn't love you in return, but it makes you a stronger person. This is a story about Jack and Jill. (No relation to the story when Jack trips and breaks his crown.)

Jack was a young man who lived in the land of Pharytail, a vast space ruled by great kings and monsters. He was considered a wanderer because his parents had abandoned him to become King Patrick's servants many years previous.

Jack roamed the valley of Lowland every day in search of a secret treasure he had once seen on a clear night. It looked like a fire covered dragon that sailed from space and crashed into the ground with such force that the ground beneath him trembled and cracked. Jack thought he knew exactly where it had hit, but could never find a trace of it existing...until one day.....

While walking down a stone covered trade route through Lowland, Jack saw a glowing stone at the bottom of a nearby pond. He picked it out and stared at it until a merchant walked by and asked him what he was holding. Jack quickly stuffed it in his pocket and convinced the merchant that he had no idea what he was talking about. The merchant began walking again. Jack walked in the opposite direction for what seemed like an eternity and grew tired. He fell asleep cuddled next to a tree and had sweet dreams of marrying the great Princess Jill. She was the most beautiful princess anyone had ever laid eyes on....which by the way, not many people had laid their eyes on her.

When Jack still lived in the castle, he had seen the princess in her garden while watering her flowers. Jack tried to sneak into the garden to meet her, but was captured by guards and banished from the city. Ever since that day, he had dreamed about meeting her, or at least seeing her once more.

While Jack is asleep, a large dragon named Hermon came to wake him. Jack, startled and tired, arose to see what Hermon required of him. Hermon told Jack that the castle was being attacked by the evil Torturas and that they would soon come to Lowland. Jack immediately thought of Jill. Hermon told Jack to follow him to safety, but Jack knew that he had to try to help King Patrick. Hermon thought he was crazy, but decided to follow Jack to the castle anyway.

Jack and Hermon stood on a hill watching the Torturas seige the castle walls. Just then, he noticed a small caravan of people leaving the castle through the river behind the castle. Jack thought that King Patrick and Jill might be among the group of boats. He followed them on land until they stopped to get off the boats. It seemed like there were very few people with them. Servants, a few knights, Jill, but no king....

Jack decided to try to join them, but Hermon thought that the knights might think they were enemies. They followed them through the woods and watched them enter a cave. Jack slept outside the cave and waited for a few days before he heard a large army marching through the woods, none other than the Torturas. Jack fled to the cave in an attempt to warn the knights. He entered the cave and was confronted by the knights. Hermon told them of the Torturas in the woods and led the royal group into the Lowlands....

While walking, Jack finally introduced himself to Jill and they began talking. Jack asked where King Patrick was and Jill said that he had stayed at the castle in order to help defend it. He was obviously not successful. Jill was very upset about her father's fate, and Jack felt pity for her. He remembered the stone in his pocket. He pulled it out and offered it to the princess as a gift to cheer her up. The princess saw the stone and shrieked in fright. She grabbed it and told me that the stone was what the Torturas had been looking for. Jack asked why they couldn't just give the Torturas the stone, so they will leave the royal family alone. The princess described the stone as a key to ultimate power. Jack thought it was a joke and that she was just making it up so she could keep it, but the knights and servants concurred that it was the key to ultimate power. Jill knew that if they handed the key over, that the Torturas would show no mercy and destroy the royal family anyway.

Jack decided to lead the royal family to safe haven, and confront the Torturas. Hermon said that it was definitely not wise, but he could go commit suicide if he truly wanted to. The princess explained that they needed to find the Fire Dragon and feed him the stone to eliminate its power. Jack knew what the fire dragon was, but he explained that he had searched for it for many years and could never find it. The princess explained that the dragon only came to Pharytail once every 1000 moons. Jack figured that he had seen it about 2 1/2 years ago, so it has to be coming again soon. The group waited and waited in Jack's home until one night, Hermon said he saw a great light in the sky. Jack ran outside and saw the light and declared that it was the Fire Dragon. Everyone awoke and Jack started running to where he thought it would land. Everyone followed him until the dragon crashed into the ground. A great quake stuck and knocked everyone down. It rumbled and the land under their feet cracked. Jack got up and grabbed the stone from the princess and started running toward the dragon. Jill got up and ran after him. As Jack was running toward the Fire Dragon, he heard another great rumbling coming from the east. This was no quake though, this was the sound of a great army charging toward Jack and Jill. Jack runs even faster than before to reach the dragon in time. Jack falls into a large crack created by the quake and just barely grabs onto the side. Jill stops to help him, but he hands her the stone as tells her to feed the stone to the dragon. She reluctantly turns around and starts running toward the giant dragon and throws the stone into its fire-filled throat. It comes to life and emits a large ring of fire around itself. The fire spreads across the whole land, destroying everything in its path, except for two people, Jack and Jill.

Jill had been knocked down and fallen unconscious. Jack crawled out of the large crevice he had been trapped in and looked around at his once beautiful land. He walked over to Jill and tried to awaken her. He thought his efforts were in vain, until he saw her hand twitch. He noticed that she wasn't burned at all. Even Jack was slightly burned and he was in a giant crack when the fire ring had come. She awoke and Jack told her that everything was gone. She started crying, but soon realized that she was not alone....Jill still had Jack....and Jack still had Jill....

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

My First Survey (quick, get the camera)

dontnowhy — 2004-07-13T11:07:00-05:00

Alrighty, here it goes, after deleting half the questions....(i'm sorry i fell asleep twice in just the ones i completed...)

This isn't actually my first survey, but its the first one i posted on my blog...(survey taken from youbrokenangel's blog..thanks)

What is your name?: Jake
Are you named after anyone?: i think it was the jacob in the Bible
What's your screename?: goinwest22, i don't use AIM anymore
Would you name a child of yours after you?: absolutely not
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Jacobina....or jacklyn
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: wouldn't that be kinda confusing?......*psst* my cat, Levy...
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: jakob...actually its only happened once, but i laughed for 3 1/2 days straight
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: No, my last name is the pinnacle of envy in my neighborhood
Your gender:: male-ish
Straight/Gay/Bi:: straight as....well, i'll leave it at that
Single?: yeah
If not, do you want to be?: hmm....pondering at the moment
Birthdate:: 6/21/88
Your age:: 16
Age you act:: whoa...like duuuuuuuuude...
Age you wish you were:: I wish i could stay 21 forever, unless i'm gonna be uglier then, than i am now...( who wants to be 40 with bags under their eyes anyway?)
Your height:: 6'
Eye color:: the bluish kind of blue
Happy with it?: yeah, i can't really see my eyes too often
Hair color:: reddy red
Happy with it?: of course
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: righty
Your living arrangement:: house, 1 room, 1 bed, 2 pillows
Your family:: 6 + 2 animals
Have any pets?: 1 mary-dog, 1 cuttin ( pronounced cute-in)
Whats your job?: Land Surveying
Piercings?: nopers
Tattoos?: nopers
Obsessions?: Wow, uhh, i'm getting tired of this quiz
Addictions?: These questions are getting really stupid..
Do you speak another language?: yeah, many....but usually only a few people can understand them.
Have a favorite quote?: "Life comes faster when you don't want it to"
Do you have a webpage?: well, this mindsay thing

Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?: yeah, when its a good one
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yeah. people tolerate me, so its only fair
Do you have any secrets?: of course
Do you hate yourself?: its impossible
Do you like your handwriting?: yeah, simple, yet sophistocated....well, maybe not
Do you have any bad habits?: yeah, why are most of these questions based around the fact that we are all human and that we are not perfect....
What is the compliment you get from most people?: wow, probably " hey, you're actually cool today.."
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: Jake West's Big Movie, or The Chronicles of Jakers
What's your biggest fear?: I have alot-letting my fears be known
Can you sing?: of course
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: a particular someone, or cliche...i do lots of impersonations
Are you a loner?: can be if need be, but people give me energy, especially my friends
What are your #1 priorities in life?: God, Family,

Friends, School
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: yeah probably
Are you a daredevil?: I love to do dangerous stuff when i'm given on oppurtunity
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? The way i treat people sometimes
Are you passive or agressive?: aggresive in sports and things that matter, passive on other things
Do you have a journal?: yeah, mindsay
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: The ability of letting people know what i care about: sometimes not letting the other persons concerns ahead of mine
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: well, perfect vision, so i wouldn't have to wear contacts
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: lets say i'm emotionally "stable"
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: yes, but i do regret regretting life in general
Do you think life has been good so far?: yeah. I've had a good balanced life so far
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: care for others ahead of yourself, still learning from it everyday
Do you think you are good looking?: thats too vain for me
Are you confident?: yeah
What is the fictional character you are most like?: Batman, no special powers, except what he has created for himself.
Are you perceived wrongly?: i'm not sure, i hope not
Do You...
Smoke?: absolutely not
Do drugs?: claritin, 1 a day
Read the newspaper?: yes Pray?: yes
Go to church?: yeah, not as often anymore though
Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah, but its usually not for very long
Sleep with stuffed animals?: i hug pillows instead
Take walks in the rain?: if i need to...
Talk to people even though you hate them?: i don't hate anyone. I'll talk to anyone who wants to talk to me
Drive?: almost there
Like to drive fast?: yeah, i will
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?: my voice is a tool, its like saying, " do you like that wrench that you fixed the lawn mower with?"
Hurt yourself?: not intentially
Been out of the country?: yeah, canada
Eaten something that made other people sick?: ?...
Been in love?: yes
Done drugs?: not the illegal kind
Gone skinny dipping?: in my bathtub
Had a medical emergency?: yeah, concussion
Had surgery?: yeah
Ran away from home?: for about two hours
Played strip poker?: nopers
Gotten beaten up?: I'm part of a fight club
Beaten someone up?: yeah
Been picked on?: yeah
Been on stage?: yeah, i like it alot
Slept outdoors?: yeah
Thought about suicide?: no, life hasn't gotten that bad yet- i would never do it though, its like throwing a gift back at God himself
Pulled an all nighter?: yeah, it was SOOOOOOO tough
If yes, what is your record?: i think it was like 31 hours or something
Gone one day without food?: no
Talked on the phone all night?: till about 3 in the morning
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: no
Slept all day?: the latest i've slept to is 2:00 PM
Killed someone?: not yet....hahaha..kidding....
Made out with a stranger?: nopers
Had sex with a stranger?: these questions are getting quite disturbing
Thought you're going crazy?: yeah,
Kissed the same sex?: nope, never praticed on guy-friends
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: geeze, these questions are horrible
Been betrayed?: yeah
Had a dream that came true?: many times
Broken the law?: yeah, but it wasn't that bad
Met a famous person?: yeah
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: If i did, i probably cried for a straight day
On purpose?: I love animals, insects don't count...do they?
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: yeah, regretfully
Stolen anything?: yeah
Been on radio/tv?: maybe...i've haven't watched every second of tv thats ever been broadcast
Been in a mosh-pit?: yeah, not at a concert though...in a friend's bonus room...
Had a nervous breakdown?: maybe
Bungee jumped?: no, but defintely on my priority list
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yeah, several times

Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?: yeah, but they are all hiding...really well...
Miracles?: of course
Astrology?: no, but i do use it in a joking matter (gemini)
Magic?: not black magic...
God?: yes, of course
Satan?: yes
Santa?: well...
Ghosts?: yeah
Luck?: yes
Love at first sight?: uhh...i'm gonna go with yes
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: of course
Witches?: umm...
Easter bunny?: well, there it gets complicated...
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: if its true love, then of course
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: i'm Irish, thats what i live for
Do you wish on stars?: only once

Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: Biblical tradition, yes
Do you think God has a gender?: no, its all symbolism
Do you believe in organized religion?: yes, to an extent
Where do you think we go when we die?: either Heaven or Hell

Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: one gay friend, but i still don't agree with his lifestyle
Who is your best friend?: i can't answer that
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: I think they know who they are
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: to treat one another as you would like to be treated- Jesus
Your favourite inside joke?: there are so many good ones....and others i wish i could forget
Thing you're picked on most about?: hmm...
Who's your longest known friend?: my brothers
Friends you miss being close to the most?: i think about them alot...but i'd rather not say
Have you ever thought of having sex with a (female)friend?: I really hate some of these questions
Who's your second family?: i have alot of kind and generous people in my life, but i prefer my own family
Do you trust others easily?: to an extent, i have to really know someone to trust them with some things
Who's house were you last at?: Mike's
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:....
Do your friends know you?: uhh, i guess so
Friend that lives farthest away: Erica
Do you consider love a mistake?: absolutely not, but when it gets in the way of another moral, then it is a huge mistake ( extra-marital affairs)
What do you find romantic?: Candle-lit dinner, long walks on the beach..the usual....actually, being alone with my date or g/f, not talking, just being with eachother
Turn-on?: Loves God, Loves me, Loves life
Turn-off?: Hates God, Hates me, Hates life
First kiss?: 7th grade
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: somewhat awkward, but i would be kind to them...I really don't like rude, mean people.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: uhh, you have to know about them alittle bit...
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: sure, i don't know why it doesn't happen more often, i think its awesome when girls ask guys out..
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv: yes
What's the last present someone gave you?: a racecar toy from sonic
Are you in love?: its hard to tell, but I'm kinda leaning toward no
Do you consider your significant other hot?: N/A

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:
You wanted to kill?: uhh...yet another weird question
That you laughed at?: My brother
That laughed at you?: ditto
That turned you on?: ditto....
You went shopping with?: umm...what kind of shopping?
That broke your heart?:
To disappoint you?:
To ask you out?: no one has ever asked me out
To make you cry?:
You saw?: My brothers
You lost?: ...

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: nopers
Will it be with your significant other?:
Or some random person?:
What are you wearing right now?: white t-shirt, boxers, khaki shorts
Body part you're touching right now: hahahaha.....
What are you worried about right now?: a few different things
What book are you reading?: N/A
What's on your mousepad?: Its blue, "Aspire to do more"
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: tired x 5
Are you bored?: not really
Are you tired?: This quiz is very repetitive
Are you talking to anyone online?: no
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: nopers
Are you listening to music?: yeah, snow patrol-run

man... whoever initially typed all those questions deserves a round of applause....that took me 2 hours to complete....i want to thank all of my fingers and both eyes for keeping up...Why am i still typing?.....

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Stay Classy San Diego

dontnowhy — 2004-07-15T11:07:00-05:00

oh no, URGENT NEWS REPORT- ....CANNONBALL!

yeah, when my brothers and i got home from work yesterday, Timmy made spaghetti(what a chef), tossed a salad and just about everything else for a dinner of monumental proportions. I picked out an awesome loaf of bread at the grocery store though, and that whole thing about me not being able to boil water is false, cause i can... and thats about it.

I'm ok at making sandwiches, well anything with bread, like baking and stuff, but nothing like spaghetti.

After our dinner fit for the queen of england, The West boys went out to see "Anchorman". that was a funny movie to say the ridiculous least.( hah! you didn't think you could put those two words together...it just goes to show)
I enjoyed it although it did get quite....hmm....well the sexual humor went alittle overboard...but will ferrell sure had some great lines, along with just about everyone else in the movie. "LOUD NOISES" "..when you turn around, i'm gonna shoot you in the back of the head with a bb gun....."
Movie List for Summer(or whenever i get around to it)

1.Dodgeball
2.Bourne Supremacy
3.Spiderman
4.I, Robot (will smith is a hottie)
5.The 2nd and 3rd Harry Potter movies
6.Whichever one i think of 5 minutes after i submit my entry...

Alright, soccer practice was great tonight, and it was cool to know that everyone was into it. I was impressed with how I and the rest of team performed. I feel like we are actually starting to formulate a team now.

My first day of school....only a month away...i've had sweet dreams of it for like 6 seconds now....make that 7...8.. Anyway, my summer is fading fast. August is going to be a busy month, but i'm looking forward to it.
I get my license, new student orientation, officers meeting, school orientation(9th of august), first day of school, beginning of soccer season, and some other things i can't remember. (i typed that just in case you didn't agree that what i had already typed was that big of a deal)

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Hilton Head

dontnowhy — 2004-08-01T10:08:00-05:00

Wow. I almost forgot how to type.

Hilton Head was an experience of a lifetime. Not only did it give me a better outlook on life, it helped me realize who my real friends are and what my life really means. You could say i lived the rockstar lifestyle for a week with staying in the Hilton resort, tennis in the morning, 5 star for lunch, and 18 holes in the afternoon. Multiple swimming pools while on the ocean, shuttles to anywhere, too many expensive european cars, and attractive girls everywhere you look.

Yeah, some people definitely could say that I lived the high-life for a week, but as far as i'm concerned, i live the high-life every week having my friends and an awesome family. I missed the entire soccer family(i missed jordans first practice with her new cleats...darn), all my football buddies, all the mindsay junkies, and everyone, including you.

I want to give a shout out to the Thorpes for letting me tag along on their trip-

I met some pretty cool people(some not so cool), made some awesome new friends and learned alot about arkansas...(for some reason they dont have cheerwine or sundrop in arkansas...i'll fix that).

I made some good decisions and some bad ones, but the entire experience was one of learning. I really missed everyone here, but i didn't miss NC. I almost had an early "senior syndrome" before i left. I want to leave concord and travel more, but i have to finish this thing called school first. I just hope the drama of concord doesn't drag me down too fast.

Thank you all for reading yet another one of my blogs.

Let my life start again-

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Orientatingalizing

dontnowhy — 2004-08-09T10:08:00-05:00

say that 3 times fast...if you can even pronounce it.

Wow. Tonight was a night. It was FACS's orientation night. I got to see alot of people, i met alot of people, but i only spoke to a select few....Well, first, i stood outside and hung out with some people, then i hung out with more people. Then i met up with lindsay, ash, blake and allie, and we went inside to watch the "speeches" which could be classified as -hilariously begging for money- anyway, thats what we all love about that school. Its never enough.

I slowly migrated with lindsay down to the high school and kept encountering this girl with a red shirt, i think she said her name was jordan(she looked kinda high)....alright, well we walked down to the high school and met some more people, went to a few classrooms(only a few were my own). Its really amazing how much i missed these people, like even the ones i had seen over the summer, let alone this morning. It was good to see everyone and although almost everyone has changed in some ways, most haven't changed in the things that really matter. I want the year to start. I want to walk into my 1st period class and sit down and take out a pen and stare at the board for about 50 minutes and continue doing that 6 more times throughout the day....

I believe this year will be one of change: in life, relationships, mind, and spirit......Oh, and it will be completely rufus.

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Smile Like You Mean It

dontnowhy — 2004-08-13T09:08:00-05:00

My school year has begun. Its only been two days, but it feels like i've been there for 6 months. I almost like going to school. My classes seem pretty easy(i am still in algebra 1). I feel really good about this year. There are alot of new kids and the freshmen are defintely a welcomed class. I have been getting alot of bad news lately, but i feel like i can take a break at school. I was seriously happy today that i got to wear my birkenstocks. They are my most favoritest pair of footwear ever. I am meeting and becoming friends with the new people, and people i didn't know too well last year. My first two days have been great, and i owe it all to my friends.

Real soccer practice started yesterday. It was raining. So in turn, we ran 5 miles. Today, we ran 2 miles and recieved our uniforms along with a nice talk from coach Hector.

Alright, my legs hurt and i'm going out school supply shopping tomorrow- yeah i didn't have like anything to write WITH on the first day(thanks allie) and nothing to write ON the next(thanks like 50 people). I'm glad its the weekend and that i can rest alittle before my first soccer game on tuesday. I don't know when i'll have time, or want to get on here to update anymore, but i'll try to update at least once a week. Alright Mindsay junkies- have an awesome weekend and remember- smile like you mean it

thanks for visiting my life-
Jake

Jake Frost

dontnowhy — 2004-11-26T09:11:09-05:00

I awoke this morning to frost. Frost everywhere. The last couple of days have been pretty messed up, but i decided last night that i just need to keep moving. Time is like a wave. If you get caught up in it, you'll wipe out, but if you stay in control, you won't fail.

Decisions and Divisions

Kittens. Wrecks. Being Late. Sleigh Ride.

Nationwide is on my Side.

Turkeys. Thoughts. Decisions. Frost.

All have yet to be tossed.

Procrastination. Shadiness. Shodiness.

All lead to lack of happiness.

Subliminal. Too Minimal. Loving Greatly.

The way i've felt lately.

Divisions of hope from pros to cons.

Stepping from confusion to solution.

Losing myself to become who i need to be.

All part of changing, evolving, living.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I'll Be 23

dontnowhy — 2004-12-19T04:12:36-05:00

Wow. today has been pretty enjoyable. I awoke to go to my church's new church. Its absolutely beautiful. So much bigger and more like a church. I love it. I noticed this little girl walk into the aisle in front of me begging her mom for a piece of gum. She REALLY wanted some gum.... I mean REALLY. She begged for a good 10 minutes until her mom finally gave in and gave her a piece, and her brother asked for one too, but as the little girl opened the orbitz package, she found only one piece. What did she do? She took out the piece of gum and stared at it for a moment, then handed it to her brother. This little girl was about 2-3 yrs old, but showed more compassion in a few minutes than most of us do in a whole day. She calmly closed the box and neatly placed it in her mom's purse without a word. Another mother with a 9 month old baby walked into the aisle infront of this little girl and sat down. The little girl immediately jumped up and walked over to the baby and reached her head over the pew in order to look at it. Both mothers smiled, and the little girl reached down, kissed her hand and pet the little baby on the forehead. I was speechless. Not only was this little girl compassionate, but she also had a kind heart. She was energetic, smiling, and happy the entire mass. How? I have yet to discover where this energy and excitement comes from and in a never ending supply. I only hope for that little girl to be an example to me for the rest of my life.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Hoping For It All

dontnowhy — 2004-12-19T11:12:40-05:00

I just deleted all(about 60) but 20 of my favorite and most memorable blog entries. These are treasures that remind me of good and bad times i've had in the past 10 months. Feel free to read through some of them and enjoy, because you might be mentioned in a few.....

and as always......

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Time Alone

dontnowhy — 2004-12-23T01:12:17-05:00

I awoke on Tuesday morning not knowing what to expect. I had a sore sprained ankle from soccer, a headache, and heavy thoughts. I realized that i should maybe go take my brother christmas shopping. That didn't happen. Matt took him. Instead i went and did some errands for my dad. Then on my way home, at about 4:00 pm, Mike gave a call and asked if i wanted to come over to his house. So i went over, watched some TV, then got an overwhelming urge to play airsoft. We got some guns, got in my truck, picked up Ryan from Village Fudge(his work) and went to the woods behind Ryans house in great Rowan county. Pitch black, except for the single dim streetlight and ryans flashlight. I was freezing. It was late. I was exausted. I emptied a 15 round magazine into a shadow. Did i mention i was freezing? Ryan then brought out his paintball gun and scared me to death, but as i was sitting behind this giant rock with the sound of CO2 echoing and paint spraying over my rock, all i could think about was Christmas shopping, and how it only took one person to convince to do so.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

no subject

dontnowhy — 2004-12-23T11:12:17-05:00

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Just Another Day?

dontnowhy — 2004-12-25T07:12:04-05:00

Today was Christmas and last night was Christmas Eve. I'll tell you, i really needed new socks, and a new pair of Copas, but that wasn't what made this Christmas. This year, my favorite part of Christmas was actually Christmas Eve. I have always been a giant rival of any day other than Christmas. I remember being able to open up one present on Christmas Eve and i was kinda excited about that, but it wasn't half as cool as how it used to be. I mean i woke up on Christmas Eve this year and all i could think about was i had one more day. Just one more day until Christmas. Only one more day. Thats all that's left of this holiday spirit and the Christmas rush and Christmas cookies and wishing everyone Merry Christmas....it was all coming to an end.....

I woke up this morning at about 9:15, not wanting to get out of bed, and depressed because i knew it had all come to an end. I wish every night could be as exciting and suspense-filled as Christmas Eve. As i sat in my Church pew last night, i stared at the beautiful architecture inside my church and just thought of Christmas Eves past and everything i had done on them. I remember the times when i used to turn on the TV and the weatherman would have the "Santa Watch". I searched and searched for it last night and never came across it. I remember when we would REALLY decorate our house and completely have to spend hours to take it all down. I remember having to go to bed EXTRA early and just lying in bed talking with my brothers about what they really wanted(which i already knew because they had been talking about it for months). I remember waking up every Christmas morning at like 4 o'clock feeling sick because i was so nervous about getting all the presents.....

I remember tim and I trying to fall asleep in the living room with our dart guns trying to catch Santa Claus( and we would have gotten him too if the couch hadn't been so uncomfortable). I remember the first one of us up in the morning would always get the other 3 up NO MATTER WHAT. It was carved in stone as a rule.

As i aged though, i tried to act more mature about it, but would find it so hard. I used to be able to have a feeling inside that would tell me Christmas is coming soon. It really used to be all about the gifts. I've found something better now though. The feeling of Christmas Eve. The anticipation, excitement, memories, and presence. I wish i could have taken a drive last night. A drive through downtown Concord. A drive through Harrisburg. A drive through some street I'd never been down. A drive through my own memories. One last chance to experience a stranger's joy of Christmas. That would have made my day, not just another day.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Wherever It Takes Me

dontnowhy — 2004-12-27T10:12:34-05:00

I believe in the simple fact that the only kind thing about time is that it exists.

Before you ponder that for several minutes and re-examine your life, hear me out. Time can last as long as it wants exactly when you don't want it to, but it also makes the good moments shorter than desired, everytime. When you are having the time of your life, there is no way to guarantee you'll have it for as long as you want. It will always come up short.

As i'm sitting at home, driving around alone, or lying in bed at night, i think of those times that were better than all the rest. That is why time is kind. It gives us those opportunites and memories to play over and over again while we are without that object or person that makes us truly happy.

It might sound like common sense, because it is.

My weekend was fantastic and I have a new favorite place and time. My church on Christmas Eve. It's not the perfect memory, but it's one of the best feelings I've ever had. The state of mind I was in cannot be described as anything more than ...... Peace and Happiness, but still needing something.

Wow if this entry has not totally confused you, you're probably used to them by now. Thanks for reading another one of my trench entries.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Dogs, Civics, and Pepsi

dontnowhy — 2004-12-30T02:12:00-05:00

Wow. I have had no desire to update the past 2 days, but i thought i could blow off a chore or two write something insightful.

On tuesday Tim and I ran errands up and down Harrisburg and Concord for my dad, because he was going out of town. I got his expedition inspected, filled up my truck and two of his with gas, tim stood in two lines(one for taxes and the other for a registration for my dad's work truck) and took many a trip to the bank. After a day of that, my family went out to On the Border and watched "Life Aquatic". It was a good movie. I saw plenty of people i knew and quite a few i recognized. It must have been "First Assembly night" at Concord Mills. I stayed up till probably 4 that night. That goes out to the girl who asks me how my day was, the day after everyday.

On Wednesday, i awoke and Time and I ran one more errand for my dad. This included a drive to Charlotte to pick up about 10 packs of wood stakes. All i could think about when i walked into that huge woodshop warehouse was who else buys that many stakes other than land surveyors(my dad) and vampire killers(buffy). After we hauled that stuff back to the office, i dropped timmy off at home and i went out to Ryans house to help him move a few things to Goodwill. We did that and then my truck badly needed oil so i added a quart and was on my way, not before being asked how old i was by the cashier who's teenage daughter was standing behind her. I'm not quite sure what she meant by that, but i just smiled and walked out with my quart of pennzoil.

We stopped by dominos and took part in their 555 deal(3 medium pizzas for $15), and went home. We got a craving icecream soon after that and went back out to Bruesters, but on the way over, i needed to merge into the lane beside me. The guy behind me had the same idea and decided to merge at the same time i did and accelerate almost right into the back of me. He flashed his lights and sped off in the other lane only to pull right infront of me again. I proceeded to follow him into the walmart parking lot, and he runs a red light right infront of me as i pulled in behind him. My testosterone spiked and i followed him all the way to his space, wrote him a love letter on the back of an old football ticket and slid that puppy right into his windshield wiper. This guy had the nerdiest looking honda civic with the fake gauges and exaust. I made sure he knew that. Ryan and i the proceeded to bruesters to enjoy the sweet taste of victory. I was leaning up against the counter enjoying my peanut butter sundae when i imagine the same civic stop traffic right infront of us, calmly roll down his tinted window, turn on his interior light and flip us off. That would have made my night. It would have proved his nerdiness.

Ryan and i went home and watched half of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and ate some Reeses Pieces cookies. Those were...um.....awesome. Then i got a prank call on my cell phone, which i don't even know how, seeing as i had almost no reception.

I know people want a list of artists and song names for that Emoetry CD, but the thing is, is i never made myself a copy, so i need to borrow or just listen to someone's CD so i know which songs are which. That would be great. Alright, well i'm out to go enjoy a warm shower after my long night of Dogs, Civics, and Pepsi. Man, i wish i had a camera.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The Resolution

dontnowhy — 2004-12-31T02:12:14-05:00

i woke up this morning and my hair was screaming infidelities....it was weird.

Christmas has been over for a week. 2005 starts tonight. Am i ready? Am I ready to start a brand new year? Could this last one have gone any slower? I've thought about it quite a bit and i feel like making a list of my accomplishments from this year. Some are awkward, some are great, but all are important to me.

I made it through 2003
I was elected treasurer for student council
I made the tennis team
I passed my freshman year
I worked Speed Street and made about $100
I worked CLEATS soccer camp and learned alot about kids
I went to the outerbanks and discovered the true meaning of family
I visited Hitlon Head and learned how to provide for myself
I kayaked
I did some hang gliding
I found that trusting myself will get me farther
I got my driver's license
My dad let me drive one of his trucks
I made the soccer team
I had my first day of school as a sophomore
I took the PSAT and did quite well on it
I won my first soccer game
My sophomore class did absolutely awesome and deserved 1st place in Spirit Week
I made the JV basketball team
We won our first 2 games
I made up a really good story
I kept a few secrets
I loved
I lost
I gained
I won
I didn't give up
I made great friends
I lost great friends
I stayed up for two days straight
I drank 10 mountain dews and didn't throw up for a full hour

Over this past year, i have learned alot about other people, but mostly, I've learned alot about myself. I've tried to become my own person. Develop myself into who i'm going to be. I've tried to discover what i'm going to do for the rest of my life. I have tried to have fun. I've tried to be strong. I've tried to live my life like each day was my last. My resolution this year is not going to be about developing myself. I'm going to focus more on caring for others. This year was tough.....but completely worth it.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

My Kappacal Romance

dontnowhy — 2004-12-31T07:12:19-05:00

Wow, second entry of the day,

you might say,

but hey, hey, hey,

jake has more coming your way,

I am wearing my favorite pair of shorts. My white Kappa away uniform soccer shorts.

Even though i have thought only evil of AIM this last 6 months, I have reinstalled it for now. My brothers have wanted to for the longest time, but i had never let them. Now i did it. When i first signed on aim(i actually remembered my password), i had 200 s/n's on my buddy list. I deleted all but 28 of them. I realized that in 6 months, i have stopped talking to over half of the people i used to. Wow. I am just going to have to get used to aim again though. I have to remember my response whenever someone says "asl"....I say "83/f/afghan".......and then i giggle and whisper, "that'll show 'em.....hehehe".

Aww, the AIM language. I have missed you my friend, and i would still rather speak caveman than know every word in your sick dictionary.

I could bash AIM all night, but i won't, I'll just use it. It has been a major part of my life, and I'm glad to share memories with it.

Oh, by the way, "goinwest22".

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Kitten's Komputer

dontnowhy — 2005-01-01T03:01:18-05:00

Scripting Life

dontnowhy — 2005-01-02T09:01:55-05:00

It seems as though this inch thick script will never fully be learned. Its so big....i have so many lines....how can i possibly remember it?...i sat down today and read the entire thing twice. It took me almost two hours.

In case you are wondering which script it is, its my "Bye Bye Birdie" script. I'm Albert Peterson. The part i really wanted. He has a lead role and has lot of lines. Lots, and lots of lines. I really try not complain seeing as i practically begged for it. I just need help. Lots of help. It has to be memorized by the end of this week. I really hope i can get it done.

At lunch I'd go to Blimpies down on Montague Street
And hit the Fulton Street Mall for the sneakers on my feet
Dear New York I hope you're doing well
I know a lot's happen and you've been through hell
So, we give thanks for providing a home
Through your gates at Ellis Island we passed in droves

An Open Letter to NYC - Beastie Boys

Mindsay is becoming more of a place to vent then just share feelings. From the random blogs i visit from people who wander into mine, or my own friends blogs, or even my own blog. I see more emotion. More life. It amazes me to see this and other creative things people come up with that i just say ".....WOW.... i wish i would have come up with that....".

I caught myself thinking of someone i havent seen in 3 years. She wasn't the closest friend i'd ever had, but she still meant alot. It hurt me to see her go, and i even imagined us meeting again one day and yet, i hoped i never would. I'm afraid of what she has turned into. Thats why i was afraid of her leaving, not as much that i would miss her, as my fear of her turning into something she wasn't. Time can't tell what happened, i'm sure no one can.

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

I watched Phantom of the Opera tonight. That movie is absolutely incredible. I walked in thinking it was going to be quite boring and lots of singing. Well, i got the second part right. There was lots of singing, but not the kind that bores you in the first half hour. I enjoyed the movie very much because of the actual story. The story, as it was described in the movie, was so interesting that i was almost telling the different characters what to do and not to do. I never walk out on a movie. I never do. Even if its horrible acting, sorry plot, or if i have some place to go. Moral issues are different story though. This movie not only had an excellent story, but great acting, along with great camerawork. I enjoyed the candle in the last scene. It was mysterious.

I walked into the theatre initially and i was by myself (that one goes to Ash). Nobody else could go with me. So i kept my eye out, and eventually, after seeing no one i knew, i pretended i knew people. I waved to just about everyone i saw and accidentally sat down in this guys seat that happened to be right next to his girlfriend....yeah..thank God it was dark....

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're - right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

Tiny Vessels - Deathcab for Cutie

I am doing a English project that entails me making a scrap book of a story I've recently read. Well, sounds hard enough. Actually, as i read it, (and used notes to even understand some parts) I realized that we all think the world is going to end in our time. Each generation thinks that their generation is going to be important in the future somehow, but fail to realize that they also believe that their generation is going to be the last. I might be making a rash generalization (i wouldn't doubt it), but i still feel that each generation thinks their generation holds some important significance in the history of mankind.

This guy, Aldous Huxley, wrote a book named Brave New World. In this book, the author portrays that 600 hundred years in the future, mankind will have eliminated natural birth, Christianity, and family, and replaced it with baby factories, Ford, and the state. Children are now raised by the state in a caste system with 5 groups. Alphas being the most intelligent, and Epsilons more like a shell of a human with severe lack of intelligence. Christianty has been erased and crosses have been disfigured and have the tops cut off them to signify a "T". This 'T' resembles the Model T built by Henry Ford. This society worships Henry Ford for his invention of the assembly line and turns it into a religion. Or, to be more clear, the religion. This society has also erased the first institution established by God. Family. These new "thinkers" believe that the cause of all corruption in a society is sexual desire and emotion. They eliminate the need for sexual reproduction, which inturn elimintes the need for family, which leads to accepted and encouraged promiscuity.

Returning to my orignial point, Huxley , having written ths book in 1939, believed that something great in his time period would change the world forever and eventually control and consume it. The assembly line. No doubt has it changed the world in just 65 years, but not to the magnitude that he thought. I 'm not saying it couldn't happen, but it is highly unlikely. Many people believe that their generation holds the key, the answer, the promise. We have come to find today that not all generations are going to change the world, because thats not their role. Their role is to simply preserve it, which is just as or more important.

At the top of this timeline you'll remember
This is the lipstick on the collar
And in my own life I've seen it in the mirror
sometimes at the cost of others hopes

autobiography of a nation - Thursday

This is the New Year,

and i feel very different,

the clicking of keyboard,

the sound of itunes in the backround...

in the backround....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Sometimes.

dontnowhy — 2005-01-03T09:01:58-05:00

Wow. Sometimes I wish i could just start over, but life's not an SNES, and no, mario doesn't have more than one life.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Drano

dontnowhy — 2005-01-05T07:01:17-05:00

Wow. After brushing my teeth, i realized that the drain was overflowing alittle bit. I thought "oh, the drain must be alitle clogged". I got a coat hanger and pulled out some of the nastiest 'debris' i have ever seen. Yeah, that wasn't the gross part. I then discovered that the drain was STILL clogged, so the plumber in me got under the sink, unscrewed a few pipes and found a few more things at the bottom of the drain including- a. more debris/ b. an entire pack of rolaids/ c. a school bus/ d. an entire toothbrush/ e. a,b,c,e/............if you guessed 'c'...you'd be wrong, but if you guessed 'e'..you'd be extremely right. Pretty shocking, huh?

Well my week hasn't been too bad so far, but i feel like its been a bit...should i say...."cryptic". Yeah, i'm not sure what I mean by that, but i do feel like everything is a conspiracy.....a bloody conspiracy!.....I'm getting tired of a routine called 'school'.

I downloaded some of the most interesting music last night. The group is called 'The String Quartet' and all they do is redo great songs with just classical string instruments. It sounds amazing. I love it. And another plus is NO LYRICS. Its relaxing and new and interesting. What an awesome change in life.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Quanta

dontnowhy — 2005-01-08T04:01:15-05:00

I've discovered that the big things in life are much easier to cope with if you make them little things. Or at least i think that was what i was trying to say.

My week has been fantastimus. Extremely fantastimus. I'm kidding. It wasn't that great. I haven't had a fantasimus week in a long time. Only glimmering memories of my past fantastimus weeks and semifantastimus weeks(half of a fantastimus week or the fantastimosity of only half a week spread out over an entire week). I feel that a fantastimus week is coming up pretty soon. I can sense it. I can see it. I can almost smell it, but my nose has been stuffy.

Nitroglycerin can make stuff go boom. Alot of nitroglycerin can make stuff go BOOM!...BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

.....You'll Be Completely Expected

dontnowhy — 2005-01-08T11:01:21-05:00

Just staring at my new header picture, i had a dream of one day being there in Florence, Italy, lying on the floor of that cathedral for hours staring at its architecture. I would be thinking of the day each worker sculpted his piece into that great cathedral. Every crevice precise. Every arch symetrical. Every detail attended to.

I have a dream of visiting great cathedrals all over the world. Learning each one's rich history and just imagining all the happy times that were had. I'd be thinking of all the family gatherings on Sunday mornings, all the Christmas Eves, and the beautiful weddings; all these memories are carved into the great walls of these enormous castle-like structures. I'm sure that if you just touched one of those cold stone walls, you could almost be a part of history. You could almost feel.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Fuzzy and Warm Feeling.....heh...

dontnowhy — 2005-01-09T04:01:31-05:00

mmmm queer, but no better way to describe it.

I celebrated my brother matt's birthday yesterday. We went to the restaraunt where tim first discovered his first pair of 'stain defender' pants. It was actually a lot of fun. Raj and Lulu came to join us, but were like 15 minutes late. I really hoped Indian Standard Time(15 or more minutes late to EVERYTHING) doesn't rub off on those two, cause that kinda thing just doesnt fly around here.

I went to bed and recieved a supernatural reminder that i had to go to Allie's church this morning. I awoke suddenly in shock realizing that I HAD NOTHING TO WEAR!......just kidding. I did attend church with Allie and the rest of the Baumgartner crew this morning fully clothed. That would have been really awkward. Anyway, it turned out to be the highlight of my weekend and i realized that "I am not the greatest!"

After i came home from church, i ate some brunch and took the most awesome nap. I'm feeling great. Naps can do so much for not only the body and the mind, but the soul........The longest nap ever recorded on the Jake sleep-O-meter was 5 hours. Keep in mind, that is a nap during the middle of the day. My cat is still asleep on my keyboard....tisk tisk kitten.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

One Stage

dontnowhy — 2005-01-10T10:01:59-05:00

This drama play is going to be Terrific (notice the capital 'T'). I'm so excited and i can tell others are as well. Adam and i siked eachother about it after Basketball for like 20 minutes. I had my first real practice today for Act 1, Scene 1, in which Albert(me) is on the telephone recieving the news that Conrad Birdie(adam) is going into the army. For those of you who has never heard of 'Bye Bye Birdie', Its a story based in the 50s around the fact that Conrad Birdie(elvis-like teen idol) is being drafted. He is to bestow one last kiss on one lucky female fan in order to fulfill his 'duty' as teen idol.

Albert starts out the scene on the phone in his record executive office being told that Conrad is being drafted. Just as he hears this discouraging news, his faithful secretary(love interest), Rosie(daniella), walks in and slams down a resignation on his desk. He begs her not to leave, but she is fed up with his mother for not letting Albert marry her. Well, Rose comes up with a great way to make alot of money and agrees not to leave Albert if the plan succeeds. They want to set up Conrad to kiss one lucky girl named Kim MacAfee(emmie) after singing a song named "one last kiss"(written by Albert). Albert will make money off the song and the appearance of Conrad, enough to go back to school to become an English teacher, and marry Rose.

That is Act 1, Scene 1. It was the scene Daniella and I worked on today and again on Wednesday. Man, i hope things go well. I'm so siked about this play. We have the talent and the excitement. Lets make things work.

I wish it was as easy to say that about other parts of my life though. "Lets make things work," seems like such a simple statement or even thought, but its so difficult to come to pass. I need to slip on a puddle of water again. Maybe that will make things better. How one day at school can totally screw things up. I wish i could relive yesterday a few times. I need a really good secret. That would be so awesome. Just one big secret that no one else would know. Think of how cool that would be. Life would be so dramatic though. So i guess i only need one stage in life. Just one shared with a Birdie.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Serendipity

dontnowhy — 2005-01-12T09:01:14-05:00

MindSay is improving profiles. Please take a moment to update yours below.

Everyone is a poser.....except me....

I can't.....wow, i forgot. Alright, well, Let me try again. I can't stand....almost there. Here it goes. I can't stand being....Oh....ok. I completely forgot that i was supposed to say "I can't stand being without..." As if thats complete.

My day can simply be described by using an average day of a squirrel.

-This squirrel wakes up and thinks to himself, "Now THATS a warm bed." The squirrel climbs and partially falls off his tree only to hit the ground, spring up, and stumble half consciously over a twig and trip. You see, this squirrel is a magnet to the ground. He frequently takes naps only because he is tired of being awake.

This squirrel also has to go to school(my story). He thinks he's the big squirrel on the tree branch so he walks in, cracks a few jokes, then falls asleep again. He awakes and walks down to the next branch, and this continues several more times until he meets his friends for lunch. He walks as he always does down the tree to a place nestled in a tiny grove of secrecy near a clear pond of happiness that is fed by a waterfall of contentment. He met Kitten, Bunny, Possum, Robin, Blue Jay, Fox, and Duckling for a little gathering. This squirrel was a special kind of Squirrel. He was water-resistant. He could never get wet, but he would always slip on water because it would never soak in. This squirrel usually left lunch to go to his favorite lesson of the day. He would learn how to act. Today, he was acting like a baby tiger. It wasn't hard to be a baby tiger. Acting always came as second nature to this squirrel. He was so good that he thought he would try to act like a baby tiger outside in everyday life. He started acting as if he was a baby tiger the rest of the day. He almost began to wish he could be a baby tiger. He wished he could act well enough that he would eventually turn into a baby tiger. Well, he kept at it day in and day out. He crept up behind people and pounced like a tiger, he stopped eating acorns and started eating beef jerky(what tigers eat). He stopped squeaking and started growling and meowing. The only thing in common this squirrel had with a squirrel is that he still looked like a squirrel. That soon changed.

One day, this squirrel woke up and realized that he had stripes on his back. He thought it was pretty cool and went through his day. Eventually, time took over and slowed turned this squirrel into a baby tiger. First stripes, then big paws and claws, then he turned orange and grew big muscles. This squirrel was no longer a squirrel. This squirrel was a tiger. Well, this tiger thought "man, i don't need to go to my lessons today...I'm a tiger! and i can do whatever i want." This tiger, instead of going to school, went on an adventure. He went out into the big world outside his treetown and roamed the rolling hills of grass and flowers. He sneezed constantly because he had allergies. This little tiger needed to find shelter because his fun-o-meter was being drowned out by his sleepy-o-meter.

After this big adventure, this tiger found that he didn't feel like going back to his old life. He was a tiger and WAY too cool to have a squirrel's life. He found an awesome little village where there was a bunch of tigers living. He thought "now THIS is the life...I'm where i belong now" He was gladly accepted by the other tigers. Life was great. He had tons of friends, he was well liked, and one of the more skilled tigers even though he hadn't been one for very long. Everyone thought he was one of the greatest tigers to ever live.

One day, this tiger heard of a food shortage. They were running low of beef jerky. This tiger thought and thought of a good way to get more, but fell short. This tiger was walking through the woods thinking one day with his best tiger friend and they were talking and having a good time, when an acorn fell and hit him on the head. Then it came to him. The tigers could use acorns as a food source. This tiger ran back to his village with a basket full of acorns and spilled them down and told everyone that he had found an alternate food source. Most questioned what 'alternate' meant, but the others asked how they could get enough acorns to feed everyone without climbing trees, and how would they peel them without thin little claws. This tiger had no answers. He was perturbed and realized that he couldn't just run away like he did last time. This tiger needed a plan. A plan to save his new friends, his new tigers. He felt that he wanted to just leave and think, but these tigers needed him. He thought and took many walks just thinking until he reached a water basin. It reminded him of his old friends in treetown. He lied down near the basin and just reminisced about his old friends and being a squirrel and his nice warm bed.

This tiger arose. He was quite upset, but steadfast in his claim to save his fellow tigers and visit his friends, and make sure not to say 'steadfast' infront of the other tigers, because they would be confused. This tiger marched out of the woods and all the tigers were standing and staring at him walk in. This tiger had a confused look on his face and asked "Hey, whats going on here?!" One tiger nudged him over to the front of the village where he noticed that the flowing hills of grass had been covered in snow. He was surprised to say the least and started walking across the snow into the brisk white-out. The other tigers just watched this tiger walk into the snow and disappear as if he had been engulfed by white. The tigers waited for 4 days before they saw this tiger again. He walked up to the village carrying a large sled. It had beef jerky! Hickory BBQ flavor!(the villages favorite)

When the other tigers asked where he had gone, the tiger's only response was "I have traveled through the bitter cold with only my smell to guide me. I have traveled great distances and truly became myself. Although you consider me to be a great tiger, I haven't always been a tiger. I used to be a squirrel..(a few tigers giggle)...ITS NOT FUNNY..... geeze....anyway, i used to be a little squirrel with tiny claws and I always slipped on puddles of water. There is no way to traverse those great hills without big paws. There is no way to protect the tigers I love without my big claws and roar. I could not have carried all that Beef Jerky back without my strong muscles."

One tiger spoke up and asked, "alright, so why are you telling us this?"

This tiger simply responded, "I thought that i needed to change, which i did, but i still miss my old self. I miss my old life. I love being a great tiger, but i miss being a small squirrel."-

Please send me anything but signals that are mixed

cause I can't read your rolling eyes

out of touch, are we out of time?

-Dashboard Confessional

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

AA + AA

dontnowhy — 2005-01-17T09:01:02-05:00

Wow. This weekend has been absolutely awesome, but my attitude has been absolutely horrible. I feel like i have treated others sub-par this weekend more than most. I need an Absolutely Awesome Attitude Adjustment.

I started my weekend on Friday, believe it or not, when we won our JV basketball game. That night was spent resting for my most challenging soccer obstacle yet, "Half-a-Day-of-Indoor." That was so much fun, so tiring, and so bad all at one time. Our teams played some great soccer with no major injuries. I got home at 12:30am which is like 3 and a half hours after my legal driving time. My dad was surprisingly not as perturbed as I had dreaded he would be. He simply stated(half asleep), "Go to bed. We will talk Tomorrow." That made my night. I then awoke that morning(Sunday), cleaned my house and decided stretch out and watch some football. I did so until i went to play a special game at a special place with special people. Then i decided to turn in for the night. I woke up this morning with one thing in mind. Airsoft. I brought Timmy and Mike over to Ryan's woods and played for about an hour or two, then we drove around Kanny-T for an hour simply exploring its rich ghettos and discovered a gas station. My tummy was grumbling so we walked inside, and picked up a chocolate-covered honeybun and a cop walked in. Knowing that we were carrying realistic looking handguns in the back seat of my truck, my thoughts turned to those of someone who just robbed a gas station. Speaking of robbing a gas station, i found out that this one i was standing in had actually just been robbed. It was kinda eerie feeling to begin with, but now it was SUPER eerie. As i peeked over the candybar aisle at the K-town cop, Mike so cautiously whispered, "don't do anything suspicious now....." I slowly walked up to the counter and if there was ever any correct process to buy a 'Baby Ruth' and two drinks, i did it text-book. I calmly walked out to my truck in awe of how close i was to being in the middle of a robbery. It turns out that the thief only stole some twinkies and a pack of Marlboros, but it was still scary.

After our amazing adventure in K-town, we headed over to mike's house where we played some football, and fetch with the neighbors dog. I also played my best game of Yard-golf ever. We warmed ourselves with some la chocolate caliente and decided to call it a day. Tim and I headed home through the pot-hole stricken roads of Kannapolis after our Frozen Fun Martin Luther King jr. Day.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Put on a Happy Face

dontnowhy — 2005-01-19T05:01:31-05:00

Gray skies are gonna clear up,
Put on a happy face;
Brush off the clouds and cheer up,
Put on a happy face.
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,
It's not your style;
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
Ya' decide to smile!
Pick out a pleasant outlook,
Stick out that noble chin;
Wipe off that "full of doubt" look,
Slap on a happy grin!
And spread sunshine all over the place,
Just put on a happy face!
Put on a happy face
Put on a happy face
And if you're feeling cross and bitterish
Don't sit and whine
Think of banana split and licorice
And you'll feel fine
I knew a girl so glooming
She'd never laugh or sing
She wouldn't listen to me
Now she's a mean old thing
So spread sunshine all over the place
Just put on a happy face
So, put on a happy face

I had a messed up night last night. Yesterday took alot out of me. I walked a mile after practice when i got home. I was in shorts and a sweatshirt. It was freezing. After that, i came home and took an hour nap. Went downstairs and ate a sandwich. Went back upstairs and took a 10 min shower and then went back to bed at about 7. I woke up at 1 am and did my homework, ate some milk and cookies and tossed and turned until i got called for school. Sounds awesome huh? I don't even know why it happened like that. Nothing changed though. Last night is over. Thank God.

Now its time to spread some sunshine. I think I'll go take another walk. Man its cold. I want to give a HUGE shoutout to God for making it snow during my biology test. You saved my life.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Could, I Would, I Should Have

dontnowhy — 2005-01-21T11:01:35-05:00

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to tell you. I've told you everything.

What a way to sum up a day.

I think i could have done without some of this week. I could have used alittle less drama, and alittle more life. I wish i would have skipped school and gone and played paintball like i dream of everyday. I wish I could have climbed up a closed roller coaster at Carowinds. I've always wanted to do that; just climb up on a roller coaster and sit there. I don't want to think about anything in particular, just lots of things. I wanted to drive past the Mississippi. I wanted to smile and laugh about things constantly, and not just to make others feel happy. I wanted to laugh for myself. I wanted to get out of this slump I'm in.

I wanted hunter and I's plan to finally work out. I wanted to go skydiving during Biology class and be back in time to watch Home Alone 2 in Spanish.

I wanted to stunt drive a car and burn out until i could barely breathe. I wanted to jump off a huge building and bounce when i hit the ground. I wanted one dream....one dream to come true....and I wish I felt just alittle different....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

All I Meet is Sleet

dontnowhy — 2005-01-22T05:01:54-05:00

I awoke this morning with major anticipation of possible snow. Again, another hope lost. Well, then i took my first swallow, and realized i had a sore throat. Not a good sign.

-I am starting to get the FACS cold/stomach virus. I almost had it several times this week, but my quick acting helped prevent it. When i wake up, and feel a bit under the weather, I drink one bottle of Dayquil, pop 6 Claritin and 4 Sudafeds, and chase it all with a bottle of Deer Park. Then i stuff my mouth with vitamin C inhanced Halls Defense cough drops, and I'm on my way (thats just if i have a sore throat).-

I rolled out of bed, walked into my bathroom, stared myself in the mirror and realized that i had given myself the coolest looking matted 'fohawk' i'd ever seen. I quickly fixed it and rubbed my eyes for a few minutes, then put in my contacts. When i finally attempted to walk down the stairs, I had realized that my back really hurt. Well, i had plans today to go to ryan's and build a paintball obstacle course in his woods, but that wasn't going to happen. I then turned on NFSU and discovered that my memory card file(90% complete) had been corrupted and had to be deleted. That made my day in 5 minutes. I then arose, refusing to have the rest of my day suck, and decided to go to the movie store. I put on my trusty birkenstocks, jeans, and favorite new sweatshirt, and made my way out the door dramatically with triumphant music in the backround.....only to slip on the sleet covered stairs. I hobbled over to my truck and found that there was a nice thick sheet of ice over my windshield that no mere windshield wipe could conquer. I brought out my broken ice scraper and broke it all up with a few good whacks, then i calmly wiped it off into my hand, then remembered i wasn't cleaning crumbs off the counter, i was shoveling ice off my windshield. I quickly dropped the ice from my frozen hand and questioned once more why i was dragging my sick body out of the house.

I drove through the backroads of harrisburg trying to sing my favorite songs, but fell into a few sporatic coughing spells. I finally made to the movie store and couldn't find the game timmy wanted. Instead, i got Star Wars:Clone Wars hoping it would suffice. I got back in my truck and realized that i was feeling alittle better and the medicine was kicking in. I popped a few more cough drops and started my drive home. On my lonely drive, i started thinking about the past 7 months. All the awesome things i've done, all the mistakes I've made, and all the memories scattered around my truck. Everything in that vehicle has a memory attached to it, whether it be good or bad. Then I started getting upset so I immediately turned on music to get my mind off it. I guess it kinda helped until I realized that every song in that truck has a memory. I really hate that. Anyway, i finally got home and put in the Clone Wars game only to discover that is extremely BORING. Maybe i just wasn't in the video game mood.

I arose and made the same decree i had made an hour and a half previously. Then i worked on my biology project. I was trying to find out exactly what Argentina has in its country so far as plants go. Then i remembered Scott's joke in Biology class about Marijuana. One down, 14 to go. I remebered that encarta was an encyclopedia and probably has tons of info. The i realized you had to pay for it. Then i visited a few more sites and over the course of 2 hours, i found 17 plants native to Argentina along with tons of info, without signing up or paying one cent to anyone. It was nice. I then walked into my kitchen and begged my mom to make some brownies. She did. They are delectable, or whats left of them.

My dog got kinda sick, so i took her out and fell back down the stairs. As I layed on the ground, my dog stood over me, staring at me. I let her do her business and walked back inside. I had another brownie. I want to give a huge shoutout to Grant Harding for making music. Thanks alot Grant.

"I had heard all the excuses. I was just wondering which one you would use."

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Long Overdue

dontnowhy — 2005-01-23T12:01:14-05:00

Its Late, but Its Important, and Long Overdue-

I want to apologize to everyone of my friends. This entire week that i spent down in a ditch of depression was my fault. All i thought about was my one problem, which isn't even that big of a deal and I've finally realized that. I dwelled on it endlessly for days for no good reason, but who was there to listen? My friends. I'm sure you guys got pretty sick of it. So did I. I can only hope I'd have my ears open for as long when you guys have a problem. Well, wow. I'm done. This has been the shortest blog entry in a while, and the last one for a while. I'm gonna take a break from mindsay, because I'm sure its pretty sick of me too. Alright, Goodnight guys.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Why Never Again

dontnowhy — 2005-01-30T05:01:15-05:00

Its been about a week. I really needed to update. I thought now would be perfect.

The Phantom of the Opera has been entertaining me with his music this week, and i've really enjoyed it. He's pretty talented, especially when lights start flickering and other strange phenomena occur while he's playing. It just adds to the effect. I want to participate in a 'Masquerade' and wear a paper face....and tights.....

On Tuesday, after my basketball game, my dad called to let me know i had to drop my truck of at his office. His work truck had broken down, so he needed mine for his crew. While i got into my dad's truck to go home, i grabbed my cell phone, and put it in the pouch of my sweatshirt. I never felt or saw it again. I lost my phone. I've checked high and low, deep and wide. Spent 4 days tearing apart everything looking for it. Its gone. I miss him. He was my first phone. He had all 37 phone #s i had collected like pokemon (only 12 of which i actually use). We did everything together for the past 7 months. Yeah, he didn't have text messaging, or caller ID, but he made some of the best phone calls i've ever experienced. I not only miss him, I miss him greatly. My dad said, "Jake, face it. Its lost. We'll get another one and just move on....." I can't move on. That phone is somewhere all alone. He's so lonely. He's so cold. He's so plastic. He's still my friend. (wait one minute while i go cry myself to sleep. I'll be back in a few...)

Alright, well i just took a 2 hour long break in which i ate a bowl of macaroni and cheese, took a nap, and watched one full episode of Tom and Jerry. Reminds me of when i was like 4. Those were the days. I miss being too young for school. I miss waking up in time for school, but just sitting there watching cartoons all morning, then going up stairs to work on my latest lego creation. Sure, it was really boring sometimes, and my mom made me take naps even though i wasn't tired. I remember lying in bed, just lying there, at about 1pm just wanting to escape my room. Well, as i watched the ceiling fan spin, my eyes would begin to get dry, and i'd close my eyes...just for a few minutes. Those few minutes turned into about 2 hrs and I'd usually wake up in time for matt and raj to get home from school. Tim and i would get up and go play with legos or bug raj or something until dinner. At night, my dad would come home and we'd somewhat tackle him, but more like bearhug him and squeeze him until he said "ugh..you got me...."

Hmm, i think i'm gonna go stall for a few more hours until i have something else to write. Maybe i'll get some homework done. Until then!

Yippee! Its been another two hours, no homework accomplished, but i did drive to harrisburg to drop my truck off at my dads office because he needs it again. I watched 'I, Robot' last night, and i'll have to admit, its a great movie. It entertained me with its action-packedness and thrilling, death-defying feats. I'd like to have one of those robots when i get older, maybe i could teach it how to roll over, or dress it up in human clothes, and have it go buy me a pepsi from a convenience store. I would die laughing.....hahaha...haha...hehe....heh.....yeah. I really hope that robots don't try to control the earth while i'm alive. I'm pretty sure i wouldn't like it.

This week is Spirit Week. I can't wait. I love spirit week. The excitement that i feel toward it cannot be explained in mere words.....no foolish english terms could even begin to describe my passion for such a glorious 5 days. Sure, some might think I'm over-exaggerating, but be sure....I'm not.

ok, I'll be back in like a few more hours to hopefully wrap it up. Cheerio!

Alrighty. I'm finishing this masterpiece up. "Its about time!", you say with an aggrivating tone. I finished my homework (another, "Its about time!). Well, I realized something while enjoying a nice, 40 minute, warm shower. I know i said that i'd like to be in a masquerade....well, when i think about it, I was already living in one. I've tried so drastically to change myself, when all i really needed was to meet God once more. I didn't need to change myself as much as i just needed to be closer to Him. Over this week, i feel its happened, and then the chapel on thursday kinda topped it all off. Wow. I can't always be wrong...

Reasons like seasons

they constantly change

and the seasons of last year

like reasons have floated away-

-something corporate

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Secrets Told To Ones Who Know

dontnowhy — 2005-02-02T05:02:21-05:00

Its a great feeling

While it lasts

Its great seeing

what was never meant to be

time to do away with

thoughts, memories

Physical possesions

soaked to a drip.

They're cold, but its just fine.

Arising from where it was

Cover me closely

Take it quickly

get it over with

don't drag me

leave me by myself

so i can carry on

Its not so hard

if we can just settle

Its not so cold

If i have my mind on something else

Its not so different

If i can just re-create

One fluid motion

loss of touch

one hand clap

to finish it all

end on a good note

end on a good note...please

Is it alright to feel free?

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The Time It Takes To Say No

dontnowhy — 2005-02-03T08:02:01-05:00

It was the perfect dive

It was the longest drive

I had one goal

To save my soul

No longer did i need intervention

Because i had it all along

I was in tears

before the end of the first song

The shortest mix

in my bag of tricks

slowly scooped me up and out

up and out

Confused and broken

I came back in one piece

Half a tank gone

by the end of the second song

The streetlight grew brighter

pulled the focus away

left me trying to move on

left me lying to myself

left me dying to know

which way i should go

My reasons were never valid

I just never knew

They weren't even believable

My fault had been proven

by the toss of a coin

one more joins

by one last time

One last drive

'I'm not finished'-

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Love Red Lights

dontnowhy — 2005-02-04T11:02:24-05:00

Today was great.^infinite

Wow, i could not have had a better day. Today was the best day i've had in like 8 months. From start to finish. I began my morning with peach snapple(breakfast of champions). I really want to thank so many people for this awesome day, but there is only One who really deserves thanks.

"It slipped by like sand through fingers, but every grain held a memory."

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The Glowing Reverse Lights

dontnowhy — 2005-02-06T04:02:10-05:00

Today was the most beautiful day outside. I loved it. I drove out to Food Cat to get some peanuts and pepsi, and i realized that i should roll down the windows, turn up some music, and just relax. It was sunny, warm, and dry. I just wanted to run through a grassy meadow and collapse into a pillow of soft earth.....

Yeah, i just said all that, and i'm not ashamed of it.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Whenever I Come Back

dontnowhy — 2005-02-09T07:02:05-05:00

My short week has been one of turmoil, distress, agony, and pain......just kidding.

My week has been pretty awesome and i'm feeling alot better than i have in a long time. It feels like i've just had something lifted off my shoulders and i'm feeling good. I want to go on a treasure hunt. I want to go play some soccer. I want to have a huge role in a big production. I want to do something creative enough to tell others in a fashion that could be told no other way.

I had a good drama practice on monday and i knew all my lines. It felt good. I then attended my very last basketball practice. That also felt good...FREEDOM!! On tuesday, i rescued an endangered koala bear from a burning rainforest and had my very last basketball game. We played Metrolina Christian and we beat them. They have the cutest little court with absolutely no out-of-bounds room. I decided to leave my feet stretched out on the court just to make a point...then realized that the point had probably been made a thousand times before. No one cared though, so i left the out there.

This afternoon, i thought i had a drama/dance practice, but i soon found out that it had been cancelled for the 2nd week in a row. So i strolled through the parking lot singing "Put on a happy face" and got a few queer looks. Then i gave ryan a ride to village fudge. He let me sample some of it(fudge), i had some of the best hot chocolate ever and i went next door and had pizza. What an afternoon. I'll tell ya, if i had an afternoon like that everyday, I'd be a happy 400 pound man.

This weekend will hold many surprises, some pleasant, some not so pleasant(biology project), but there is one thing absolutely definite: I'm gonna get through it, and have fun doing it.

Now i'm gonna go watch some Smallville and Jack and Bobby. G'nite.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

St. Patricktine

dontnowhy — 2005-02-10T09:02:58-05:00

I awoke this morning believing that I would accomplish something important. I was determined. Usually when i say that i dont do a thing, but then again, I'm not the same old jake. I surprised myself when I was awoken by my brothers attempting to pull a prank on me. They were creeping outside my door, and i had been tossing for about 15 minutes, so i silently grabbed my walking stick and held it under my covers until matt crept in and I threw off my blanket to reveal my stick, and matt, well....it was awkward.

After a good laugh, I had some breakfast, did my Bible valentines project and went to my dad's office. Matt, Tim, my dad, and I spent a few hours reorganizing his office with lots of filing and just random jobs. Then we went home and decided to go to Raj and Lulu's house for some pizza and the O.C. Lets just say, that show gets stranger and more disturbing every sporatic time i watch it. I've OCed out for this season after tonights episode. Man. I did pull off a good Adam Brody for celebrity day though...

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Carnauba Wax Palm

dontnowhy — 2005-02-12T02:02:28-05:00

Does recycled air really have a stale taste? hold on.....oh ok yeah it does.

My day started much the same as yesterday, but with one exciting change. I got 92% of my Biology project, and i got my full provisional license(after9). My family rented 'Friday Nights Lights' tonight. Wonderful movie. Just glamorous. Absolutely heart-warming. A "Focus on the Family" favorite. What a coincidence that I watched it on friday......I think not.

^Friday^

\/Saturday\/

This morning was wonderfully elegant in the fashion of something that can only be explained by a dripping water faucet into a quiet creek flowing north past an old mill only to be swept up into its large spinning wheel. Maybe the water had a purpose.....but i defintely did not have any reason to drink an entire bottle of virginia sparkling cider in about 10 minutes before i went to bed. It was a bad idea to say the very least. Probably one of the worst ideas ever.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Superglue

dontnowhy — 2005-02-13T02:02:03-05:00

I severely dislike name-calling. I know you've heard the phrase,"I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me sticks to you." Well, it's never worked like that for me. It usually goes something like "I'm rubber, and so are you. Whatever you say bounces off me.....and bounces off you too....yeah". I'm sure there are few people that know exactly what I'm talking about, and there's the majority that are so confused it hurts. Well, to those people I'd like to say one thing. You're all a bunch of dumby-heads.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Breezy October

dontnowhy — 2005-02-13T03:02:18-05:00

A broken glass bottle

mended with wax

all but cautiously

thrown into a dryer

This is the way i should awake

Yawning into a pillow

Stretching until I collapse

Cares are gone for now

Listening to the rain inside

the worries will soon wash away

Don't be troubled anymore

my dear

Quit asking why it is

I'm here

Throw caution to the wind and fall

I'll take one timeout

Wash it all away

so we can have one more day

just one more day

just one more

just one

just...

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Every Other Day is a Valentine

dontnowhy — 2005-02-14T09:02:57-05:00

conversación interminable-

¿Qué espero yo?

yo no espero nada en el regreso

Today was strange. Not the kind of strange that most would expect though. The kind of strange that makes you sick. Like nothing is quite normal. The kind of strange that requires a special kind of escape. For the life of me, I could not remember it was Valentines day. I kept forgetting until i got to 6th period English. Over the slight humming of 'Julius Caesar', I reminisced.

In years past, i remember decorating small 'valentines' for every member of my class(aprox. 21) I remember the kids who always gave the best 'valentines'. I remember all the chicks that gave me valentines. I literally had to push them away....kidding, the truth was that i only got valentines because i had to be given them, like most kids that age. I remember getting a valentine from one girl at my church and keeping it for two years until i saw her again outside of church, and she completely ignored me. My 6th grade-self torn that thing to shreds quicker than a food processor. It was cool though. I mean its not like i was in love with her.

I remember crushes i used to have back in 2nd grade. Those were fun times. Making sure you would 'accidentally' end up behind that special someone in the line heading out to recess. Yeah, it wasn't much, but it got me through the day. That and the ever-present thought of going home. I loved that feeling of freedom walking out of school at 3:05 without skipping a beat. I loved naptime. Not only because of sleep, but the 10 minutes before i actually fell asleep when i would sit there and draw on the wall, or roll under my mat and hide as best as i could from the impending doom of the lightswitch bringing temporary blindness.

All those times were great, but still Valentines day used to be so huge for me. Free candy, cards, and the occassional smile. Most people hate Valentines day. "Singles Awareness Day" and "Lonelymas" are just a few nicknames I've heard. I still think there's more to Valentines day than having a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's more than heart-shaped boxes and balloons. I believe there's a secret to Valentines day, and its not what you're thinking..."You should love everyone everyday, not just on Valentines day..." Yeah, thats all well and good, but not my point.

Valentines Day holds something that can't be shared on any other day. You either love it or hate it, or like me, you just keep forgetting. If you've ever experienced the secret, you know what I'm talking about. If not, well i hope you do one day.

Anyway. In closing, Valentines day is all good and everything, but Christmas eats days like Valentines day for breakfast. Booyah!

I think i'm drunk enough to drive you home now
I'll keep my mouth kept shut from under lock and key
That's rusted firm, no lie
'cause all these conversations wind on and on...
Drinking champagne from a paper cup
Is never quite the same
And every sip's moving through my eyes
And up into my brain
At half past two; about time to leave
'cause the dj's playing rhythm and blues
A sad-sorry state, stutter step to those slammin' grooves
As i'm waiting around for you...
-'Champagne from a Paper Cup'

Death Cab For Cutie

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Half of Always

dontnowhy — 2005-02-17T10:02:33-05:00

Well, now that my winter is over, its time to start developing my springtime. I gave up tennis this year to help the soccer chicks with management of the soccer type. It'll give me some time to develop my skill as well as stay busy.

I still have my drama 'line-beating' going on. I literally have to beat lines into myself to remember them along with specific attitudes and tones of voice with each phrase. Not to mention every song. Oh, hey, God, I'm gonna need a tiny bit of help if you don't mind...

We had our first guys indoor soccer match for this season tonight. We won 7-3. It was fun and kinda got me in the mood again after wretched basketball....just the thought of it....eww.

I was thinking about it last night after my parents asked me again if i was doing too many activities and if i would have anytime for anything else. How come I used to be this "wing it from the morning" kinda guy? Now i'm a "I'd better plan it two weeks in advance or its not happening.." kinda guy. Maybe I'm developing a sort of....'responsibility'....whoa, just maybe.

The two conclusions I came to last night lying in bed at only God knows what hour, was first, that I'm filling my schedule because i might never get another chance. I might never get to play indoor, or have a lead role in a play, or get to hang out with the coolest group of female soccer players ever again. I'm only 16 once. I only get that once in my life and I'd rather live it now, than waking up one morning when I'm 40 and having some mid-life crisis. That's not in the game plan, and it's never going to be.

The second conclusion is alittle weirder. Just a bit peculiar, but it makes so much sense in a peculiar way. I might fill my schedule and keep myself busy in a subconscious attempt to prevent myself from losing my mind, and eventually deciding one day to just drive past the Mississippi. Creepy thought, huh? Hope it never comes to that....or do I?

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Inspired by Fire

dontnowhy — 2005-02-18T04:02:28-05:00

I swear I slept a maximum of 4 hours last night. I had the hardest time just lying still. 'Tossing and turning' is a complete understatement. I actually got up twice and did 40 pushups just to burn energy. My ears were so sensitive. Anything I heard would wake me up and scare me half to death. I didn't watch any scary movies. In fact, the last thing i watched was 'Even Stevens'(the 12:00am showing). I hadn't had alot of caffeine, and hadn't eaten in two hours before i attempted sleep at 10:30. I thought warm milk would put me to bed...actually, all it did was made me throw up.

Then i remembered one thing that ALWAYS made me tired: Broken Social Scene. It worked too. I put on my headphones and laid in bed until i was almost in dreamworld. Then i took off my headphones.....and automatically lost all sleepiness and wanted to go run a 5K. I got so frustrated that i finally rolled on my stomach, buried my face between my pillows and slowed my breathing until i think i passed out. I'm betting that is exactly what happened. I didn't fall asleep, i just passed out due to lack of oxygen. Whatever does the trick i guess...

I woke up this morning at about 7:45 and tossed for about 45 min thinking i truly needed sleep until i realized i needed gas in the truck. So i headed to my dads office and got a check to fill up my tank. Then i went and got his oil checked at meineke while i read an interesting article about how kid's imaginary friends attack them. Freaky. I came home and did my Bible project on the wrong missionary. Yup. I'm just gonna ask her if i can do this new guy instead of my other one. Knowing Mrs Dotson, she'll probably tell me no and then confuse me with the explanation of why i can't use the new guy.

Well, i have a party to go to tonight and i need a shower or a nap. Probably both....passing out is always an option.

Cold Transition

dontnowhy — 2005-02-19T06:02:27-05:00

Last night I went to Ben and Geoff's birthday party. That was fun. I'll tell you, there were new dance moves created left and right as well as plenty of electric sliding and booty-shaking macarena(mostly on my part). The party really got started at about two...and didn't end till '8 in tha mo-nin'. hahaha.

I awoke this morning(with no trouble sleeping) and had promised my mom i would wash her truck since she paid for my indoor soccer. I went to the car wash and soon realized after soaping the entire truck and rinsing half of it that 4 dollars was truly not enough to wash it. I drove home and got more money and had to re-wash the entire truck, due to the soap residue. That was un-speakable amounts of fun.

When i went to go take a shower earlier tonight, i thought i might need to shave. Well i also thought that the water would put a large enough barrier between my face and the blade. No shaving cream. Nope. I was one stroke from being through. One stroke from a gillette-commercial shave. But no, this blade decides not to just nick my jaw, but completely gash it. I thought i was going to bleed to death. Now that i think about it, the entire situation was pretty funny, but at the time, I had never gone through so much pain. The phrase "it shaves your face, not your beard" had never seemed so true.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Subject:

dontnowhy — 2005-02-19T10:02:39-05:00

I just watched Wicker Park for the first time. My heart hasn't wrenched like that in quite a while. I honestly forgot what matt had told me like 6 months ago about the plot so it was brand new. During the entire movie, i thought i hated Alex(lisa2) for trying to get between Matt and Lisa, but in the last 15 minutes I didn't hate her. I felt so sorry for her. Love can make you do crazy things and I really don't think its fair. The ending was stuff of dreams. I mean how perfect. I bet it wouldn't have meant half as much if they hadn't gone through all they did before they finally had each other. Brilliant!

I have a busy day tomorrow. I'm going to bed. Oh Lord my face hurts. I've been thinking of changing my mindsay name. This one just seems a bit dated. It reminds me of old things. Reasons I signed up for Mindsay in the first place. I don't know. I'll think about it.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

An Absent-Minded Following

dontnowhy — 2005-02-22T08:02:24-05:00

On Sunday, after church, I consumed a 1,000 calorie lunch(i hadn't eaten in 12 hours) before i headed to the Sportscenter to help Ryan and his mom cater a party for Village Fudge. It was actually alot of fun although it entailed plenty of back-breaking lifting. We moved all the food/catering equipment in and moved all the DJ's equipment in and up all the stairs. Ryan and I were the workhorses/ whipping boys the whole night. When the party was over at like 9:30, we had to move everything back out and on top of it all, it was raining. There were plenty of glowsticks to play with which kept me pretty occupied. I got to see brooke and andrew again which was awesome. I hadn't seen them in so long. Of course, i got the same speech i get from everyone about how much better public school is and how i should go. Sometimes, i think I consider it a little too much for my own good.

While we were hauling all his stuff back to his house, we both stopped and pulled out Pepsi cans we stole and blew them up on the street. There is nothing better than shaking and throwing soda cans. Its unspeakable fun. Then i got a huge a headache that soon subsided after some sleep. I awoke in the morning at 8ish (i think) and followed ryan to his moms doctor's pain appointment thinking i was gonna hangout with him for a few more hours, but that plan soon got ditched when I called my dad and he needed me to go to Lowes and pick up some flourescent lightbulbs for his office. I drove over, picked up a check and drove to Lowes at University and got 4 long 'lighttubes' for my dad. I came back, climbed a stack of chairs/boxes to replace these lights. Again, unspeakable amounts of fun.

I went home, took a nap and watched some shows of UFOs with my bros and then took tim out on a trip to find a good movie. We went to hollywood video in harrisburg and found 'Beetleborgs', 'Mom, Can I Keep Him?', and 'Gardenstate'. It was a true battle in which i flipped a coin:Beetleborgs were heads, MCIKH? was tails, and Gardenstate was if the coin landed on its side or rolled away. Well, it landed on its side. We got Gardenstate and headed to Lowes Foods to get Poptarts, Mr Goodbar, and Pampers(for timmy).

We got home, but not before stopping at a random church to have a swing on the swingset. We watched Gardenstate(terrific movie) and enjoyed frozen poptarts and Goodbars. What a weekend.

After school, i went to soccer practice(indoor tomorrow!). After practice I got a hair cut and went home. No one told me to get one, I just felt like it. I was a well spent 12 bucks. I had a nightmare last night. It woke me up in a cold sweat. It actually felt kinda good to be completely scared out of my mind.

You were the one but I can't spit it out when the date's been set.

The white routine to be ingested inaccurately.

-Company Calls Epilogue(Deathcab For Cutie)

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

You Were The One

dontnowhy — 2005-02-25T08:02:02-05:00

You were the one,

but i can't spit it out

when the dates been set.

Deathcab for Cutie

No, i can't tell you why i love that lyric so much, but i do.....get it?, 'i do'...like a wedding.....

There's no reason to sit around and do nothing when it is dire for the continued existence of mankind.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

"If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you." - Jack Handey

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marraige." - Ambrose Bierce

"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men." - Aristotle

"What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light." - Mark Twain

"The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes." - Amy Grant

"Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence." - King Vidor

"The cure for love is marriage, and the cure for marriage is love again." - Unknown

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone."

- Jack Handey

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Illegally Lovely

dontnowhy — 2005-02-26T06:02:40-05:00

I woke up this morning thinking that I had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do. It turns out though, I'm still alive and there is no way for me to do nothing. Especially when I have no homework over this weekend. I'll tell you, it is a true blessing not to have some stupid hour consuming project hovering over your head.

Tim and I had some frozen waffles then headed to my dad's office to file some index cards(about 150). Then I got some gas for my truck and headed to Bojangles for a Cajun Filet biscuit. It was now about 1:45. It was so beautiful and warm. There was no way we weren't gonna go cruising with the windows down blaring 80s classic rock. We did so, all the way to speedway blvd and turned around and rode it again. Then found an undeveloped neighborhood and blew up some soda cans and set stuff on fire(we picked everything up and disposed of it properly).

We then headed home having spent 2 hours doing whatever we wanted to do. I dropped Tim off at the house, we watched some 70s skating then i went on another drive in an attempt to squeeze every possible minute out of this beautiful day. As i was driving, i heard a call for rain tomorrow. That made me happy to know that i hadn't wasted this day. Its supposed to be 33 degrees tonight....just when i thought winter was over. I wish it would make up its mind.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Time Could Tell

dontnowhy — 2005-02-27T01:02:20-05:00

But if all that's left is duty

I'm falling on my sword

at least then i would not serve

an unseen distant lord

-Pedro the Lion

On my way home from church this morning, I had to stop by Walmart to get a binder. I pulled out of my church parking lot and cruised down the road to a stop light beside a Hardee's near FA. Well, as i sit there, this early 90s Accord pulls up with two guys in it. They roll down their windows and crank up their 'bass' and stare at me. It turns out that it wasn't just them, but a whole group of 3 cars and two trucks in their little posse. Well, with one high-pitched rev from his car, he practically called me out. What did i do? I rolled down my window and waved at them, then complimented their Panthers apparel and car decals. I then took one sip of water before the light turned green and this dude burned out next to me. I just smiled. Then i remembered his posse. They almost rear-ended me.

If there's one thing i've learned about my truck, it's that it is no street racer. I'll tell you one thing though. If i had been in the Corvette Z06 that was in my church parking lot this morning, I would have had a slightly different story....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

la vida es una canción hermosa dulce a mí

dontnowhy — 2005-03-01T08:03:20-05:00

Most of you probably don't even realize it. Today is no ordinary day, but its not extraordinary either. There is something to be celebrated, yet it should not be noticed. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my blog.

I put my heart into everyone of the 146 entries i've posted, and many others that i simply never did. I can't describe how it feels to look back on where i was last year at this very time and remember what i was going through. I remember quite a few things actually. My blog is not just somewhere i can vent or correspond with friends. I feel as if it is a friend. You know, It might sound weird and you're probably about to quit reading and go find something worth doing, like sleeping, but i truly feel like that in a way.

No, mindsay hasn't given me advice, let me borrow money, hugged me, or done much of anything for me....except just be there. Its available. Its open. Its a creative outlet. And most of all, its fun. Thankyou mindsay.

I watched "The Brave Little Toaster" over the weekend and I truly enjoyed it. I hadn't seen that movie in so long, since i was like maybe 4 or 5. 10 years later it still holds all of it magic. Man i like that movie.

I went with Allie and Jamie to help deliver Fundraiser packets to the Elementary school on Monday. As i walked through those halls, i got an overwhelming sense of loss, change, remembrance. I visited all my old classrooms and saw a few of my old teachers. I was so happy to see them again, but the sad thing is...i don't think they even recognized me. I know, you might be thinking "sure they did...", but i truly felt that they didn't. Its not their fault either. I haven't spoken to some of those teachers in like 5 years, let alone seen them. It just kinda depressed me to think of those old days and my hall roaming. Always wanting to be either the line leader or the caboose, nothing in between. I could go on for hours with stories about walking in lines. Those were great times, but they're gone. That experience just helped me realize that.

thanks for reading my entry and as always....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Storm Drain Grate

dontnowhy — 2005-03-04T11:03:38-05:00

Actually, this tale is of a storm drain grate.

This morning, i woke up at 7:30am because my dad needed me at work on my day off of school. Its understandable and its not like i had anything else to do. So I arose and woke Tim and hobbled out to my mom's huge-o-mous SUV(errand #1) and drove it in to NTB in university. We had a McGriddle while we waited for my dad to come pick us up. He eventually did and took us into downtown Charlotte to help him shoot some irons and map a few buildings which were absolutely rotting, old and run-down. It turns out though, that the land that they were sitting on was worth millions of dollars....go figure. I mean RIGHT downtown. Like 5th and 6th st.

Anyway, I was walking around, wasting alittle time just admiring this beautiful city, when i noticed a storm drain with a little sticker that reminded people not to dump harmful chemicals into the storm drains. It makes sense. So then i started thinking...A storm drain grate is a lot like a great friend. If you put harmful chemicals into a storm drain, you hurt the drain as well as the river it flows to. If you put good things like...just water...in a storm drain, then everything will work out. The same way with a great friend. If you put negativity into the relationship, you won't only hurt yourself and them, you'll hurt others as well. If you put pure things and positivity into the relationship, everything will work out and you'll get positivity back. Nice thoughts.

On a somewhat related note, If its one thing I've learned from this week, its that you dont measure a great friend by how many deep conversations you have or how much fun you have. You can always know if you have a great friend when that friend can be mad at you, and let you now it directly. You can't just let them stay mad at you forever though, because then you've lost a great friend. Great friends let you know when they're perturbed. Good friends always let you slide.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

We'll Be Set After Sunset

dontnowhy — 2005-03-06T09:03:09-05:00

Read Extremely Slow In Order To Reveal Secret Message:

"I awoke on Saturday Morning to realize that I actually slept in."

Did you get the Secret Message?

My saturday was full of surprises. At like 12, It started raining, and I literally got mad. I hated that it was raining. I got very upset. I don't even know why. Its actually quite funny now that i look back on it. Well, i translated some Spanish and then got a call from ryan. He invited me over to his place and we had steak and shrimp. I realized about halfway through my shrimp that I have a very low tolerance for shellfish. I recalled my popcorn shrimp incident at Red Lobster last spring. I left alittle early and only gagged alittle bit on the way home. I hate that. Well, the steak was great and rice was nice....get it....i rhymed...

I headed home and realized that I never pay attention to the sunset. I really should. I need to notice alot more things. I really regret sitting around sometimes and just thinking, then remembering a random person's response to something i said, and then realizing i could have said something much better than what i uttered in quick thinking.

I awoke this morning and went to church. Man, I'll tell you. My typical mass is not made up of the half hour of reading and half hour of blessing the Eucharist. My typical mass is me sitting in the pew, taking about 15 minutes to thank God for all He's done for me and use the rest of the time just sitting quietly thinking about random things and literally twiddling my thumbs. Yeah, it might sound pretty bad, but its what really goes on. I don't think my church is working for me anymore.

After church, i went home and finished my Spanish translations and fell asleep on the couch for a good nap. Timmy tried to wake me up to take him to get the new Mogwai album but i was just too out of it and promised to take him after dinner. I slept a good 2 1/2 hours and ate some dinner then took timmy on his quest. We first hit Carolina Mall, thinking it was less crowded. We were right. There was nobody there. It was closed. We then hopped on 85 down to the Mills and realized FYE was closed too. Can we say 'Waste of Time'... Now i will partake in one heck of a shower.

My 3 suggested topics for this entry are: Christianity, orangecounty, randomhugs

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Never Ever

dontnowhy — 2005-03-07T09:03:10-05:00

Are you sure you really know? Are you sure you can really feel it? Because I know I can't.

I am sure ready for some summertime. I'm sure ready for a good day off. Not like a weekend, but like a day that I know i'm supposed to do something, but just don't. Whoa. Foreign concept to most people i know. We should do everything the right way....always. I don't mean always....I mean always. I wish i didn't have all these projects to do. I really haven't taken a liking to this Julius Caesar test tomorrow either. I hate when i get negative like this, but I just need to go pray and get some sleep and maybe flip through some old pictures. That should help.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Understanding The Conquering Need

dontnowhy — 2005-03-08T07:03:38-05:00

Changes can not only bring suffering, they can also bring.......change.

Never being able to cope with the stability of my life has been a big problem with me. No, its not that i don't like stability as a whole, its just that lack of change slowly drives me insane. I mean insane. I end up doing something drastic enough that i don't care what it affects....as long as it doesn't affect love, because then what would i be changing to preserve?

I had the most awesome dream last night. I was in Ancient Greece. I wandered up to the Parthenon and just sat on the temple steps. I just gazed over the green, grassy plains and wondered if there was any better place in the world to be at that exact time. I missed Concord, NC, but i could sure stand Greece for a few hours. It was great, so beautiful, so calm...place of dreams...

My Julius Caesar test went well today. I'm so much more calm than i was last night. Its amazing what alittle sleep, prayer, and pictures can do for you. I have a good handle on my projects as well. Turns out that I'm gonna be ok. I'm gonna be just fine after all. 'After All' seems like a long time away from now....oh well, i got till then to make up my mind i guess.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Find Clutter Among Cleanliness

dontnowhy — 2005-03-09T10:03:07-05:00

Id love to speak what's on my mind, but for some reason I don't think you'd be too interested....because you've heard it all before.

Nevermind taking an opportunity and running with it. That kinda stuff doesn't happen. When an opportunity presents itself, you tackle it, and if it gets up...its worthy.

There's one big difference between inspiration and motivation. Inspiration is sparked by something wonderful. Motivation is born from adversity....alot of adversity.

The time it would take to summarize the human thought process is inconceivable. One guy tried it and he ended up dying.

Attitudes not only reflect what you are going through emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They affect those that you express your attitude toward.

So...time can't stop for even one second?

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Forgetting Everything I Once Loved

dontnowhy — 2005-03-12T11:03:11-05:00

I had a dream last night. I woke up at 4 in the afternoon and i was lying on a street of matresses. I couldn't stand up. It was strange.

This week has been really busy. I haven't been home before 6 every night this week and i'm not even playing a sport. Well, Its fun doing stuff like acting, playing soccer, watching the OC, and volunteering to help save kids.

I'm going to go play some tennis.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Projecting Beauty

dontnowhy — 2005-03-12T11:03:14-05:00

Everything is worth my time - God (paraphrased)

I played an awesome few games of tennis today. What a beautiful day. I'm so glad i went and played something so i could be outside. I awoke at about 11am and called ryan to set up a court and time, then mike called and i offered to pick him up and bring him. We arrived at the tennis court at about 2:00 after Bojangles and messing around for a bit(2 hours). We played some tennis at the Sheffield Manor courts and then Mike and I decided to hit Concord Mills for skateboard bearings. We went in Sun and Ski and found some, but decided not to buy them. Now, you may ask, 'waste of a trip?'. I would answer 'No'. The bright sun, cool breeze/wind, bad drivers, and the blaring of some Killers was worth the gas.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Icy Palms

dontnowhy — 2005-03-13T07:03:32-05:00

A few times in life, you have to wonder if you really have a superpower and just don't know it. I think that if i truly have a superpower, it has something to do with cold hands. Usually one of the first things people say to me when i meet them is that i have cold hands. They aren't that cold. I think i can freeze things with my hands, i just don't know how....yet.

I had a strange dream last night. I actually woke up lying my head down on a big wooden desk in a highrise executive office. I was wearing an awesome suit and as i turned my desk name plate around, it read: Jacob West; President. I thought that was pretty cool. Now i wondered what i was president of...i looked around in my office at documents and different objects trying to find hints until i looked at my bookshelf and saw about 15 staplers on display. They all said 'Swingline'. Whoa. I was the president of Swingline stapler makers.

As i was playing with one of these staplers, my secretary buzzed in and said "Mr. West, your wife is on Line 2". I first wondered who was on Line 1...then realized i should probably talk to her. I picked up my phone and my wife tells me that "Seth" is missing from school. I'm guessing Seth is my son. So i ask if he got on the bus that morning, and she said he was running late so she dropped him off herself. I tried to calm her down because she was flipping out and i told her to meet me at the school. I then called the school to ask if they had called the police and if they had found him yet. They had done neither.

I hung up, alittle upset, and just as i got my coat, my secretary buzzed in and told me that the two representatives for NYU were here for their meeting. I told her to cancel and she told me that they were standing right outside my door. I walked over, opened it up and greeted them. I asked them what the meeting was about and they told me that they were asking for a donation of like $150,000 for a new addition. I told my secretary to right them the check and i took the elevator and got in my car.

My chauffeur dropped me off at the school and I walked up the steps. Just as i was opening the door...my dream ended and i woke up. A few odd things about my dream: (1.)Only 4 Pronouns; My name, my son's name, the company's name and NYU. (2.)The dream ended very abruptly.(3.) That is my dream job...literally.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Let It All Go

dontnowhy — 2005-03-14T08:03:24-05:00

Today was one of those days that i wish i could start over. I made so many useless trips to so many different places and wasted a ton of time. I filmed a some more of our cop video with kyle and sean, and went in search of a new pair of pants. I searched high and low, near and far with the money my mom had given me. I finally hit kohls and found the perfect pair and was about 3 inches from getting them, but as i was driving down I85 about 7 minutes earlier, i was thinking of how selfless my mom was in giving me the money. I decided not to get the pants after all. I just came home empty handed after wasting a ton of gas. I'll tell ya, which was more of a waste? Buying the pants, or driving all around town and realizing i didn't need them? I've never felt like a bigger loser.....I'm going to watch Degrassi.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Taking Control and Losing the Fight

dontnowhy — 2005-03-15T07:03:35-05:00

I watched 'The Battle of the Bulge' today on AMC. I love that movie. Ocassionally i tend to lean more toward the dramatic love story, but today was different. I was fighting a cold, and i wanted a war movie. I had woken up, not really expecting to go to school. So, i didn't. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap, watched Battle of the Bulge, looney tunes, and news until i got hungry and ate spaghettiOs. Yeah, the lunch of sickness. After that i took and half hour nap, then matt called and told me i needed to pick up tim. Well, i truly wasn't in to it, but i got up and got tim along with my World History notes.

There are a few perks to being sick: (1) special care (2) spaghettiOs and gingerale (3) really deep voice.

I haven't had a sick day this entire year, so i don't think i missed school 100% because i was sick. I don't think i was mentally prepared for it. School isn't that cool anyway...haha. I think i needed one more weekend day to complete my cycle. Nicely done. Pat on my back. Time for a shower.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Compromising State

dontnowhy — 2005-03-16T09:03:53-05:00

Well, it seems as if my first attempt at the TimeGame has failed. I posted an entry reading "reply and i will mention you in my next blog. You only have one hour to do so." Well, apparently, i had no new visitors or replies in a full hour. Oops. I'll try again some other time. Just keep on the look out. I'll keep a running tally of how many times each person has won the game. After a while, I'll pick a winner by margin and they will be handsomely rewarded....oooooo.

Today would have been quite ok if i wouldn't have been sick and got my senses knocked out of me by a corner kick in indoor. Man. That hurt bad. Plus my awesome Chest congestion. Gotta love it.

There are many times in life that i wish i could just pause, for a few seconds. There other times that i wish i could fast-foward, not skip, just fast-forward. If you skip it, you never learn from it. If you fast-forward, you learn the lesson with a short amount of pain. I've learned that time is better spent doing things for others than for personal gain.

In some instances, i hated being at home yesterday sick. But in some instances, i hated going to school today. Is there no 'happy medium'? Thats another thing I've learned in life. There can be no 'happy medium'. There will always be compromise. The ones who figure that out sooner will be better off. I'm sure glad I did.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Oh My Lord

dontnowhy — 2005-03-17T10:03:28-05:00

Thankyou God....umm...not that those words can even truly represent the way I feel.

I have had a pretty good day other than the rain. I went to school sick and feeling horrible from the solid 3 hours of sleep i got last night, only to find that it was a pretty lazy day for everyone. Thanks God. You saved me in more ways than one.

I have one bad piece of information i must report. I have lost my Junior Statesman Summer School application. I need that. I need it bad. And guess what....I misplaced it and i have one month to complete the application, write a 3 page beg, and retrieve 1 solid recommendation. Sounds like all my sucking up is gonna be put to the test....now if i could just find that application...

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Familiar Feelings

dontnowhy — 2005-03-22T10:03:10-05:00

Never again will I slip into thinking there is hope in what i know as fact to be impossible. Its not that it can't be done, it is just not worth the time or effort.

My weekend was fantabulosa. On saturday, I hungout with ryan until his surprise birthday party later that night. We moved a couch and transported some 'catering' supplies to the Sports Center. It was off the hizzy. I then spent the night and awoke the next morning exausted. That didn't stop me from completing a bible project with Allie and chillin' with her and the rest of the Baumgartner crew for the rest of the evening. On monday, i awoke to attend a 'Go For the Green' fundraiser at the Cabarrus country club. It was quite awesome and enjoyed it alot. I took a short nap on the fairway in the warm sun and cool breeze while Ivy and I listend to Dashboard on her iPod. Great times. Lovely scenery. Relaxing. Ah.....my happy place.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Bits-O-Cookie

dontnowhy — 2005-03-23T08:03:17-05:00

Its time to start caring again. I had slowly slipped into a coma of regret, depression, and carelessness for about 7 months, and its about time to get out. I took a major step about 2 weeks ago, and I can see a huge change in my attitude as well as character. I feel like a new person. It feels awesome. I've really started to trust others and it has caused me to trust myself alittle more.

I have found my application to the Junior Statesman Summer Program. Thank God! I'm gonna fill it out over the Break and send in the application. The recommendation and transcript will come next from the school and i just hope everything will work out. I put it in God's hands. Its what He wants that counts. i'm late for Smallville.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The NC

dontnowhy — 2005-03-24T10:03:22-05:00

Have you ever wondered what a soap opera about Concord would be like? It would probably have something to do with middle class america...

This Spring Break is going to be fun. I'm gonna get alot done and hopefully conquer a fear or two. That would be sweet. Maybe I'll do one productive thing for every two nonproductive things I do. It'll be tough, but I'm shooting for the stars.

I'm not taking anything for granted. Did last night's Smallville confuse anyone else?.....or was i the only one who watched the whole thing.....one nonproductive thing down...one to go....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Like The Air I Breathe

dontnowhy — 2005-03-25T10:03:23-05:00

I've got to be running out of ideas by now. Wait....i have one more good one up my sleeve. Here it goes-

Have you ever wondered why God made humans in two different sexes instead of making us all asexual? I pondered that for a good 10 minutes in Biology class the other day. I think the only logical answer i came up with is....wait, i'll tell you some of the nonlogical ones first. Here it goes.

1) God is a huge fan of Valentines day, 'Blinddate', and Emo rock

2) God couldn't decide which hormone he liked better; estrogen or testosterone

3) God thought it would be a million times more interesting watching couples argue over whether to buy the bargain size or regular size peanut butter in the middle of the grocery store aisle, than watching some hermaphrodite scarf down a jar watching TV all alone....which led me to my conclusion...

The purpose of creating two sexes was not only for procreation, but also companionship. Lets take a trip back to Genesis where God found that Adam was a tad bit lonely in his huge garden. I think God programmed Adam to need companionship in an effort to prevent Adam from leaving and not needing Him. Well God realized that Adam needed a peer, someone that he could relate with. It was good and bad in the end though because Eve led Adam astray(Biblical evidence=no denying it). So in turn, the creation of a partner, in some way, helped separate us from God. Wow. Only if Adam had been a hemaphrodite.....

I'm not saying that having a partner in life is a bad thing, because i believe it is human instinct to need companionship. And even though Satan got to Eve and has tried relentlessly to pervert the sanctity of marraige through time, I also believe God's equation: "male+female+marraige+children=family" (in that order) is still the prevailing reason that mankind still exists today. If you ask me, Family was the first institution established my God, and it will be the last one standing when it all comes to an end.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

After All

dontnowhy — 2005-03-27T10:03:45-05:00

After Easter Mass today, i felt like I really missed the point. I felt like I majorly missed what i needed to hear, even though i've heard it for 16 years, i think i still needed to hear that message again, but it just didn't come. I felt as if I was in church, but not really there.

My family and I were going to go to the 5:00pm Easter Vigil last night, but decided it would be better to go just this morning. I got my essay done instead. It was amazing how much i had to write. I distinctly remember Mrs Timberlake telling us to write about 1 1/2 pages typed. I started typing, after having to be reminded what to write about(thanks Blake), and found that once i started writing about myself, it was kinda hard to stop. I ended up typing about 4 pages worth of story for just my career. I didn't even include any of my family or friends or church. Just my career. My dangerous career working for the DEA in San Diego, California, and how i retire to become a stunt car driving instructor at the request of my wife. Yeah, i have quite an exciting life planned; not that I can't change my mind at a moments notice.....

I just wanted to write an exciting story for Mrs Timberlake. A long, long, exciting story. Ok, well church was too early this morning and i'm gonna go vacuum and take a nap before Raj and Lulu come over. Arrivederci.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Decisive Memories

dontnowhy — 2005-03-28T11:03:31-05:00

I feel so...

I finally finished my JSA application today. I'm glad i got that essay done. Now i can really start my week....yeah, probably to work tomorrow.

I really hoping this thing works out, because i really want to get in. Even if i get accepted i still have to raise over $2,000 for tution. tough...

Pretty short entry huh?....yup no book tonight. i didn't even get through one whole song on itunes....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

An Post

dontnowhy — 2005-04-01T12:04:32-05:00

Over the past few days, I have thought about this quite a bit. What is Mindsay? Why do i use it? Why am i still using it? What is its all-important purpose?

Well after the matrix trilogy, the Ring 2, and plenty of pizza and junkfood, I have come up with my conclusion. This is my last post on mindsay. I've given it up. I'm done with it. No more. To all you kids that have experienced this blogging thing with me; it has been quite mondo.I'd like to thank adam and brian for creating 'mindsay'. I'd like to thank my mom and dad for creating 'me' so that i could frollick in the glory of Mindsay for this short period of time. Bless you all! Thankyou all for occasionally checking out my blog and for any first timers, you missed out on one awesome ride. I'm gonna miss it quite a bit. I'm proud of it. It was a blast. Thanks Mindsay.

So baby tonight, I might, let you in.
No need to fight- I'm yours, so lets begin
But baby I know, when you go you'll touch I'll miss.
But starting tonight if you don't do me right
Then it's just gonna end as a goodnight kiss.

Boy, your dreamin- you don't know what to do
Don't be shy- STOP, I'm coming through
And in the meantime if you have a little doubt

Make no mistake, it's never too late
what's done can be undone
Don't be afraid to do what I say
the best is yet to come.
-Geri Halliwell/"Goodnight Kiss"

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

(PS: Happy April Fool's Day!)

Taking No For An Answer

dontnowhy — 2005-04-01T11:04:49-05:00

So you wanna be a rock super-star?

Too many times do i dream of things i wish would happen, but then realizing that they could never come true. My most desirable dream would be to fall, but not land.

2 more days of spring break. I can't believe it. What am I to do? Where am I to be? Can this be real? All my work is finished. 2 days to do whatever i want. 2 free days....What am I to do? Something productive?.......surely you jest...

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Manifesting Fault

dontnowhy — 2005-04-02T12:04:30-05:00

Ok now something from my 'myspace'-

"Ok technically April fools is over 15 minutes ago, but who cares?
What if you were in the hospital today...and you had a major surgery. Then the doctor walks in after you recovered and said," ok. everything went well, and you will be back to normal soon....HAHAHA APRIL FOOLS DAY! i was kidding, actually, I lost my cellphone, so if you feel your chest vibrating, dont be alarmed...."

The secretary of state to the president of the united states..."sir, our country is under nuclear attack. We have to arm the missles and start the countdown." The president is shocked and gives the order to start the countdown, aiming 5 nukes at Great Britain. Just as the the countdown gets down to 2 seconds, the Secretary of state screams "HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!" the president falls to the floor laughing so hard he starts crying. The countdown stops at .01 second and the entire room starts laughing.the president says, "haha...you really had me going there...hahehe". I mean come on....that WAS a pretty good one.

What if..........?

Jake ---------

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Chipper

dontnowhy — 2005-04-03T10:04:14-05:00

The time is 9:51pm.

This spring break has been quite amusing. I'm not sure i want to go back to school and actually go through with all the plans I have made for myself for the next few months. I'm not sure about it all. I got another invite to a National Youth Leader Forum for Technology a few days ago. I thought it looked interesting and i figured out it is San Jose, California. Long way away. So i went on their website and checked out some more programs and It turns out they have a Defense, Intelligence, and Diplomacy Forum in DC next fall. Its along the same lines as the Junior Statesman Summer School and actually significantly cheaper(which means less fund-raising). The summer school is 3 weeks and its more like taking a class. The forum is 6 days, during school, and is more like a career exercise. The forum is kinda like a back-up for the summer school now, which is always good.

Alrighty. Well, first to bed, then to school, then the rest of my life.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Directions Like The Heart of A Tiger

dontnowhy — 2005-04-04T10:04:30-05:00

I finally got Mrs Rieder my JSA recommendation form today. I am seriously siked about that trip. Of course i have to be accepted, and raise the tuition and travel money still. God's will be done. i think i'm finally doing what i need to be doing. Getting out and getting experience in life. Too many times I feel like I'm just stuck in that school and i'm never going to get out. I'll do anything to gain some possible future career experience in government as well as the experience of traveling and living on my own for a few weeks during the summer. Studying AP government and the 15 page research paper won't be as much fun, but its better than wasting my time as a teenager just going to the mall or sitting around every weekend or eating fastfood sitting in a parking lot discussing life with a friend while overlooking the Kannapolis Mill....great times...I take that last one back. Those experiences were quite a few awesome ones but most of the stuff i do is useless.

After I got in my wreck this past week, I realize that I am so lucky i didn't die. I was on the brink of death as well as the others in the car i hit. I've gotten my truck, phone, and license taken away as minor punishment, which i can definitely live with, but i also realize that i couldn't live with myself if i had kiled someone because of my stupid mistake. I thank God that He didn't put that burden on me and that He preserved my life. Today in chapel, and we had an altar call, and I soon realized who my real friends are. I am truly blessed in my life and i had a great talk with a good friend and he helped me understand what God wants and to let it be in His timing. Another great friend kept calling me over the past week asking if i was ok and kept my wreck a secret because I thought it was embarassing. Thanks again. I truly believe you can ask things of true friends with the confidence that they will follow through, and in the past few months, those are two of the few examples I've been shown.

The speaker today spoke of 'scarecrow' Christians. Well, I'll tell ya, there are a few Scarecrows with hearts now. I believe there are such things as scarecrow friends too. Friends who defintely act like they're your friends, but could you really call them in the middle of the night if you needed someone to talk to? Could you ask anything of them? Sure, they've had a few bad attitudes in the past, but have you guys ever not made up and been right back to normal? I've only had one true friendship in my life in which that happened and I regret it every day. True friends click right off the bat. True friends worry about you even when you aren't in danger. True friends are honest. True friends make you feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Most importantly, True friends are love. A special kind of love. I kind of love that you know is present without words.......without words.....now isn't that special.

I can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

'Freshman' - The Verve Pipe

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The Right Kind of Fear

dontnowhy — 2005-04-06T07:04:09-05:00

Today was the end of a great spirtual emphasis week. I feel rejuvenated and ready to face a whole slew of Satan's new temptations. I guess it seems easier for Satan to pick out my temptations, because I'm still a teenager. As a teenager, I am in the most vulnerable point in my life mentally and emotionally. I am not as physically weak as I was when I was baby, which makes for the false belief that nothing can touch me. I'M INVINCIBLE!....yeah, or so I think. With this shocking boost of hormones, comes lots of trouble. Confusion leads to bad tempers and restless parents and annoyed friends. This is where Satan can slip in and send me all kinds of signals.."hey, your life is horrible. Its not even worth living.....just kill yourself"..."those responsiblities you have are totally wack, just drop everything and do something stupid"...."make people pay for the way they treat you"...."it won't hurt just to go alittle farther with your girlfriend this weekend...I mean you've given her everything else"..."This test could mean the difference between the life you want and the one you don't....just one peek at his test...just one"..."change yourself to fit in with these kids....they will love you forever"..."chapel is soooo boring...and you're sooo sleepy...just take a quick snooze, no one will notice"....

These are only a few examples of temptation I myself have experienced from time to time. I won't lie, some were easier than others to dismiss. Through all the things i particpate in(school, church, plays, etc.) i have plenty of opportunites to let Satan break through and start making decisions for me. Its gotten so bad that thoughts run through my head that i never would have thought in a million years. I get so perturbed with myself for thinking it, that it leads to more confusion...exactly what satan wanted. Most of the time though, he just tells me to do things that are conceivable, that can be done easily, and he conveniently provides a 'good' reason...

I've gotten much better at it in these past years, which means Satan gives me harder temptations. I tried to sit down today and count how many temptations Satan would present on a given day. I lost count before i even got to school. Wow....it happens to all of us though. We all get bombarded by sin and temptation everyday. Its part of living in the world, but not of the world. We have to stay strong.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

My Newest Entry

dontnowhy — 2005-04-08T09:04:30-05:00

Okeydok. Bogeywokey. Jippyshupol.

If you can correctly pronounce all 3 words and remember to tell me...you'll get a prize!

Today was pretty cool. Only one disappointment. I delayed my meeting with Spartacus. Not having a truck is kinda bad sometimes. Kinda really bad. I got so used to having it available i took it for granted quite a few times. I really miss it. Now its just a crumpled mess.

My life has felt pretty good these past weeks because of a few things. One, we've had some really good chapel services lately and I can really feel God. Two, I get to act in a play with an awesome group of people and I really like the character. We have practice from 8:30 - 3:00 tomorrow for the musical. I'm actually looking forward to it. I have alot of fun acting...because the people around me make it fun, and I'm confident...yeah.

The other stuff that makes my life so great is just the little things that make up my average day. I can't really explain them, but little jokes, or quirky interactions, or fumbled lines, or just smiles brighten my day. There is no school quite like FACS.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Argentinian Blood-Sucking Monkey Cow Bat

dontnowhy — 2005-04-10T08:04:40-05:00

Tiger Woods won a 4th Masters. Wow. I'd say he's pretty good at golf.

Yesterday's rehearsal went well, although we didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I feel confident about this play and I feel confident in my character, but I feel as if my reason for acting is somewhat falling away. Something is taking away from it. I feel as if my real life is leaking into my acting life. My worst fear. The main purpose of acting for me is to have an escape from real life, but i feel as if something is trying to bridge the two. I have to take care of it. I have to stop it. It might sound confusing to the unknowing reader, but thats a good thing. That proves I'm still winning.

I watched a movie. Then I finished mowing the lawn. Then i wrote 15 paragraphs about animals from Argentina. I'm about half done with the project.I needed to get started because my BBB performances are this week, and i have limited time.

I then took a nap. My naps have to have specific characteristics to be considered a true 'nap'. First, i have to be tired. Second, I can't sleep less than 1 hour, and I can't sleep more than 2(I really can't sleep over 2hrs. It's physically impossible). Three, I have to gradually wake up. Yeah those 3 things are what i require in order to have a successful nap.

After my nap, i had dinner, then played some soccer with matt. Its been awhile.

I had a dream last night that my dog died. I had the worst feeling in the whole world. I woke up in a sweat and just listened for her. I was whispering "Mary....Mary girl....come here Mary.." I walked down-stairs and looked around for her and found her sleeping in her bed. I knelt down a pet her and scratched her ear and just thanked God she was still here. I love Marion. She is my most favorite dog in the whole world. I was just thinking about all the people who have recently lost a dog and how upset they were. I love how every halloween is Marion's birthday. We take that night a bake her a cake and give a rawhide bone. She loves those things. I realized that Mary is almost 8 yrs old and she has faced death a few times. One time in particular, We came home from school, and we saw her in the ditch rubbing her face in the grass. We thought that she might just have allegies, but she had still broken off her lead and we had to go get her(she has done so several times. she is just a beast. there is no chain strong enough to hold her). We walked down and upon closer examination, realized that she had serious road rash on the left side of her face. She had been hit by a car. She was so bloody and scarred that we all thought she might die. We were all crying while we were running to get towels getting ready to take her to the vet. I like to think the reason she didn't die was because we were all begging her not to. I'm so glad she's ok. She once had something bite her, maybe a spider or small snake, and her throat swelled up. She had trouble breathing and there wasn't much we could do except give her antibiotics. A few of the less serious incidents have included the continual scratching and gnawing she used to do to her self because of allergies. I rememeber the times when she walks into the kitchen and my mom shoves a benadryl down her throat and she walks away wagging her tail. She is weird. She is a dog. She is a great dog. She has such a connection with us that she is almost telepathic. Sometimes, my mom might go grocery shopping on a random saturday and she'll call me on her way home. She's maybe 2-3 miles away and mary will jump out of her bed and run to the window and start wagging her tail as if she feels that my mom is close to home. Its quite strange. She is getting old though. I can tell her energy level has dropped in the past few years. The day Mary-dog passes will be a sad day. She is a very important part of our family. It just makes me appreciate her more.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The Album Leaf

dontnowhy — 2005-04-10T10:04:52-05:00

5lb Love

dontnowhy — 2005-04-11T09:04:32-05:00

The Thin Line

dontnowhy — 2005-04-12T09:04:57-05:00

Do we all have certain romantic tendencies? Not just in love, but in life in general. Making life more dramatic. 'I let the thunder be my exclamation'

Today was kinda like one of those days that didn't really make alot of sense. It kinda all happened at once. This is usually a sign that I should just let go for alittle while. Just release myself. As drama would play out though, the irony is hidden in the fact that I can't release when i have to who I am now to nail the performances this weekend. I need me. I can't let go of myself when i need to. Man life is just awesome.

The truck i wrecked has been sold.THANK GOD. He provides for me all day long. 'Why' you ask? I'll tell you why. He loves me. He loves you. He's going to provide a replacement vehicle as well. I did some serious truck shopping last night. I picked up a Truck Trader mag, surfed Autotrader.com, Ebay, and the Classifieds. I found a good list of nice trucks all in the price range. God's timing is the route I want to take though. Yeah, you're thinking "you say that now, but I've been waiting on God for months, years.." I'm sure it gets tiring, but I'm willing to receive what God has for me when He's ready.

My sleep habits have been horrible this whole week. I'm running on probably 4 hrs a night. It surprises me in the morning though. I'm not really too tired till about 6th period when I am knocked out in Mrs Timberlakes class. Oedipus just makes me sleepy. I think my tin dinosaur can survive one more attack. You never know though. Its strange how when ever I bring a cute creature around most people they just want to destroy it. I mean a tinfoil dinosaur...."lets crush and mangle it...YEAH!...or better yet throw a lunchbox at it....or throw it in a trashcan..."

-My Beautiful Swan

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Reflection Paper

dontnowhy — 2005-04-16T11:04:23-05:00

Have you ever had those mornings where you just wake up feeling so emo?

Last nights performance of Bye Bye Birdie DRAINED me. Walking out of that place, at like maybe 10:30, made me feel like i was dead. I put so much into that performance: sweating Niagra Falls, singing 'Baby Talk to Me' one octave higher than i was supposed to, and making sure i ALWAYS had an 'overwrought' look on my face. Its not that i didn't have a good guess what overwrought meant, but when i looked it up in the dictionary, I could perfect its meaning with every atom of my existence.

I'll tell you, acting in this play has made me realize a few things. First, i really enjoy acting. Second, how much hard work really pays off. Third, acting and real life share a thinner line of separation than i would like. Fourth, I'm not quite a 'Divo' yet....

I love how many people come to our productions. I love all the support we get from friends and loved ones. I've heard from many people that this is their favorite production they've seen from FACS. That means so much. I love seeing all my co-stars standing out in the exiting hallway signing autographs and waving goodbye to the audience. I love the dressing room convos about elephants, scary movies, and bows and arrows.

I'm getting sleepy again, so i'm either gonna work on a project or go back to sleep.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Misinterpretati... Can Be Deadly

dontnowhy — 2005-04-18T08:04:04-05:00

Taking for granted what I never knew to be true. Seeing is always believing, unless you're blind. And trust me, We're all blind....

Good thing i slept the entire day in all my classes. It was almost as bad as that night I stayed up all night and then went to school. That was horrible with a capital "horr"....

Bye Bye Birdie was a huge success. I'm gonna miss it alot. I had so much fun with all my cast mates and I can only hope to do it again someday. I really appreciate all the support people have been giving me. Its really is awesome.

I have one great piece of news. I finally met Spartacus. We had an enjoyable playtime/naptime full of gnawing sticks, dead grass, and slushy juice. It made me miss Mary-dog a ton. When i got home I gave her a big hug and she sniffed me and knew I had cheated on her....

I have to finish some Bio tracings right about now, but not before I show you guys a picture of me sleeping in mrs. rieder's class.

I just realized something, I look alot furrier in person.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Undesired Intentions

dontnowhy — 2005-04-19T09:04:42-05:00

If you expect the unexpected, you can't be surprised.

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

zanx fur fiziting mie lief-

Jake

The Place and Time Between A Time and Place

dontnowhy — 2005-04-21T10:04:51-05:00

Mixed reviews from my revision of the English Language have truly tickled my fancy. Im zo glod tat ve finali got rid ov "c".

Tomorrow morning, T-minus 5 hrs, the FACS choir will be heading to Atlanta, Georgia, for our annual "fiesta-val" competition. I have a major head ache, I'm tired, and I feel sick. AWESOME! I also can't wait to ride on a noisy bus full of my peers while trying to sleep. I can probably tell you who my riding buddy will be as well. These kinds of trips are what great memories are made of, and if we can get away with as much as we did last year, it will be awesome. These trips also kinda make me want to stick to acting. I wish we had more than one performance a year. That would be so awesome. It would be expensive and alot of work, but I would make it work. Mrs McClendon, my drama teacher, even misses the play. She wishes we could have had a few more shows. Bye Bye Birdie just ran so smoothly and we had so many stupendous reviews, It was stupid to stop.

Lovely talks

Long walks

What I wish I could share

would be too hard to bare

I've tried time after time

but I still seem blind

to the fact that you aren't looking

for the exact same sign

-inspired by fire

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Hide and Go Peek

dontnowhy — 2005-04-24T01:04:52-05:00

Well, well, well...you be the fox. I'll be the hound.

The trip to atlanta was alot of fun. It was quite different than last years, even though we did the exact some stuff in the exact same places. I felt a different mindset, as well as attitude toward the whole trip. Last year, I was really focused on myself and making sure I had plenty of experiences and memories. This year I felt more focused on others and sharing memories. I had experiences with alot of new people and I'm glad I could broaden my horizons in such a way.

Alright. The clock struck 2:00am on friday morning and i awoke off the couch to take tim and I to school. We arrived at about 2:50 and boarded the buses.Mrs McClendon told us that we were pulling out no later than 3:20. We were 15 minutes late(as will be repeated several times in this story). We left, pitch black outside and had some awesome early morning conversation about a topic which i forgot. We then all fell under a sleepy spell. Most people just scrunched up into their tiny chairs, but that wasn't good enough for some. I was one that took the floor hostage and cuddled with Daniella's "baby" teddy. I racked up about 1 1/2 hrs before we stopped for breakfast. That makes my sleep grand total 3 1/2 hrs. with in 24 hrs. We got back on the road and we eventualy stopped at a rest stop to change into our concert attire. Now that we looked sharp and beautiful, we headed to the fiesta-val competition. We arrived alitle early, watched some jazz and treble choirs, then middle school performed, followed by high school, then we left. We arrived at our hotel exausted, but MC already made plans to take us shopping at the mall. After obtaining a room key to just about every room on the guys floor, We headed to the mall. On the way, Chris and I sung "the billboard song" and Emmie got a headache. Well, we got to the mall, realized it was ginormous. We saw Pablo there, and ate. Chris, daniel and I did some stupid stuff, then we met up with nick, jon, and austin. They came up with an awesome idea, to play hide and go seek in the mall. We recruited several bored people to play and It turned into a huge game of fox and hound which lasted about two hours. After a few sprints, falls, clever moves, newspapers, and warnings from several security guards, it came time to leave. We headed back to the hotel absolutely exausted and most slept till the morning was nigh. That night brought my sleep grand total to 9 1/2 hrs with in 48 hrs. We ate breakfast, packed up, and headed to Six Flags. Joy, Sam, Alex, Lucky, and I headed to batman first and got there with absolutely no line. I gave nick the heads up and soon enough(after all 5 of us rode it twice) there was a big line. Play of the day I might say. We ended up riding "the ninja" twice, "The Scream Machine" once, 'Batman' twice, 'Acrophobia' once, and the infamous "superman" twice. Jess, chris and I had the ingenious idea of sneaking away during dinner to ride the Georgia Scorcher while everyone else was at dinner. Awesomeness. We ended up at the awards ceremony recieving first place in our division and headed back to the buses for the trip home at 8:00pm. Over all it was a very successful trip with lots of singing, screaming and flying teddy bears hanging onto rollercoasters through corkscrews. We arrived back to school at about 1am. That was our trip to Hot-lanta.I missed everybody at home a lot and i'm glad that i can finally relax. Now Its time to work on Pope Gregory VII's journal.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

You Ask How. I Say Now.

dontnowhy — 2005-04-25T08:04:09-05:00

I do believe I realize what I am going to do with my life.

1. graduate highschool

2. go to a great college/graduate with degree in either teaching or criminal justice

3. explore the world and travel

4. start my career as either a history teacher, or working for the government as a federal agent in the ATF or DEA (catching drug dealers and such)

5. have God provide me the most beautiful, intelligent, and silly girl with the biggest heart in the entire world and fall in love with her.

6. marry that girl.

7. have the most beautiful, intelligent and silly kids in the world. raise those kids to be the best possible kids ever, through Christ, and have them change the world.

8. have a big house

9. with a nice car

10. and a huge front yard

sounds like a plan....in that order.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

That One Phone Call

dontnowhy — 2005-04-26T09:04:25-05:00

Sometimes in life, you have those days where you come home, fall into your bed and just don't care anymore. Sometimes in life, you go through a tramatic experience only to realize that it was nothing. Sometimes in life, you can truly feel alive. And just like that, Sometimes in life, you die.

Death is the biggest part of life. You go through life knowing that you will die and that you will increase, then decrease. It doesn't matter how, when or where. Its going to happen. When I was i my car accident, I felt my life flash before me. If I am ready one day, i might actually tell someone what i saw, but for now I'll wait.

I need to change my priorities for a day. I need to accomplish something that is totally out of the ordinary. I should have talked to that girl i saw standing next to me in the blank cd isle at walmart. I should have driven the speed limit and turned down the music in my truck before I rear ended that car. I should have watched my back when I REALLY needed to. I should have made that one phone call. I should have suggested a second date. I should have heard the good news and never heard the bad news. I should have. I REALLY should have.....I really shouldn't have told you all this.

I need a Hardees Monster burger and a good friend. Unfortunately, both are hard to obtain....Monster burgers are very expensive....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Feel Really Cold

dontnowhy — 2005-04-27T07:04:52-05:00

I am doing everything in my power to not finish that stupid history journal tonight.

So many new experiences. Not enough eyes.

Shh.

I have never been colder than when i'm with you.

Can you really be lost in someone's eyes? Thats scary.

If I get nervous, I'll let you know.

Como se dice "I hate Spanish" en Espanol?

Awkward silences are the best, especially when we both feel it.

In order to truly live life,

I must experience mine.

Take it quickly before I notice.

I knew you couldn't, thats why I told you to...

There's never enough time to watch time fly by.....I wish there was.

I can feel wind, fire, and ice.

I can feel dark and light.

I can feel emotion and sound.

I can feel pride and ignorance.

I can feel happiness and joy.

I can feel you and me.

You ask how he feels?

I'll tell you how he feels.

He feels like he should have made that phone call.

What a way to ruin a day,

Bible class! Bible class!

A pen that never quits flowing ink onto the back of a clean sheet of spiral bound.

Never again will you see such a sight.

Never Have I performed with such might.

Listen to hear what will be said.

Comprehend the mess of thoughts in your head.

Take into consideration all the emotion in the room.

Be sure to bundle up and take it all away.

all away from here.

All away....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Taking More For Taken From Me

dontnowhy — 2005-04-30T04:04:10-05:00

'I will never forgive a single day
Mile markers seem to call my name and say, "you're safer now.
Through every town, we'll light your way in reflective green all the
way" The entire state of Carolina waits for me.'

-Ben Gibbard

During the girl's soccer game against Cannon, I was on the opposing team's side being ball boy. That's alot of fun if its a good game. Just as I saw Jess line up for a free-kick, I start screaming my usual cry of encouragement for our girls/insult for opposing team. I see jess boot the ball, miss the goal by a few feet and I watch the ball fly into the woods. I tell one of the freshmen guys to go get it. They don't...which is ok with me, because if they don't have enough respect for seniority, then they'll get their fair treatment next season. Its really their choice.

As I hop the orange net, I slip and begin to fall down the embankment. I scramble to grab a branch, but the grasp I had on the small twig was covered a thin barrier of wetness that prevented me from saving myself. I slid and eventually tumbled down the hill into the freezing abyss of the tiny creek. I bashed my head against the sandy bank and opened my eyes feeling the cold seeping through my thin shirt. Just as I lifted my head and the adrenaline rushed back into my body, my phone rang above the noise of tweeting birds. It was my mom. She said she had good news. I suggested that we had gotten the truck we had been looking at. She said no and began to tell me that I had been accepted into the Junior Statesman Association Summer School program at Georgetown. I then stood up out of the creek and grabbed the ball. I felt so good that i punted the ball straight up into the air. I realize that was not the most appropriate exultation of joy, because the ball hit a large dead branch and it broke off and missed hitting me by about 9 1/2 inches. I crawled out just to watch another ball get punted into the creek. A younger guy, maybe 4th or 5th grade popped up and said, "don't worry man, I'll get it," and proceeded to bound into the forest. When he returned, i thanked him and walked away thinking I'd rather have him on my team than any freshman guy.

After the girl's outstanding 2-0 victory, I went home with Mike. We hung out all day friday starting with a great breakfast at Chili's, playing tennis, halo 2, illegal chip and putt, and paparazzi. We finished the night off with a few good/grouling hours of 'Risk' and earthworm fights. I worked on more of "Greg's Journal" today adding a few more entries and coming up with a cover design. I needed some new pants as well. So Matt and I went to Goodies and Gap and I found some pants and a few shirts on sale. I felt like such a 'bargain shopper'....and quite queer.

There are times in life that you wish you had, but then realize that you do.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Carry The Zero

dontnowhy — 2005-05-02T09:05:36-05:00

My second 're-used' title.

Taking it one step at a time seems so simple to say, but how do you do that when you're tumbling down the stairs?

So many quotes on how to live your life exist today. I've heard my fair share in just my conversation with people today. I tell people of my predicament, and they all tell me a cute little quote they once heard, or probably their own life philosophy. These are not from my peers, because they are just as clueless about life as I am (whether they like to admit it or not).

This is going to be a month to remember. I'm nicknaming this project "MUST COLLECT $3200 WITHIN THE MONTH OF MAY"(Project Possum for short). I've made several phone calls and written a few letters trying to set up appointments and ask/beg for money for my tuition to Georgetown. I believe I can do it, but I'm not recieving alot of good reviews. Many people think it can't be done, but I don't want to prove them wrong, because they happen to be my better friends. This trip is once in a lifetime and I can't wait. I hope I can raise the money in time. Its in God's hands now.

"I can feel an awkwardness between us now that I've never felt before."

"What do you mean?"

"Thats just it. You never know what I mean."

Vente at det uventete aldri overrasker.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

St. Terrence is My Homeboy.

dontnowhy — 2005-05-04T10:05:16-05:00

I'm lying on a desk...half asleep, half dreaming....I'm drooling alittle bit on my shirt as my head rests somewhat comfortably between my bicep and forearm. I am daydreaming about a wish I once had, when all of a sudden the bell rings and I arise most painfully to realize its 3:00 pm. School is over. I walk straight out the door to my locker, which is located conveniently right outside the door. Whenever I wake up from a cozy nap i get the occassional comment, "dude, you have a red spot on your forehead." or "oh that's cute, you have a red spot on your forehead."....something along those lines. I open my locker, and forgetting i have a flashlight attached to my door, swing that huge thing right between my eyes and nearly knock myself out. I give my head a quick shake and brush the tweeting birds away and pull my bookbag out from under everything in my locker. You see, I have a cycle with my locker. He and I have an understanding. I throw my bookbag on top of the pile in the morning, and take the books out from under it, but when i'm done, i stack the used ones on top of him; so the bookbag starts on top and ends up on the bottom when all is said done.

I unzip my bag and throw a few random books in after gazing at my 'palm pilot'. I begin to walk outside, but not before I'm stopped by a few people with important information to tell me or just saying hi. I make my way out either door I choose that day and dodge the moving automobiles in the parking lot. I make my way out to the Sablewagon and pull out my list of phone numbers while putting on my tie and a pair of shoes. I make a few calls trying to set up a few meetings with potential financial donors while adjusting my tie and gazing across the open, empty soccer field. I get caught up in a special memory I once shared with that field when the secretary picks up. I schedule a meeting. I get in the car and start it up and make my way to pick up tim. We make our way to Whitaker's Wheel and Tire and I walk in to find out they had made a mistake and the lady i needed to talk to was not going to be in till tomorrow. I walk out with a business card and get a call from Ryan and his mom saying that they are heading to Village Fudge and said they are hiring. I said "whoopdeedoo". yeah.

Ryan was conveniently right outside the exit to Whitaker's and let me out so they could follow me to Village. I walked in and re-introduced myself to the owner(very nice lady) and she told me of some job opportunities coming up in the next few weeks because of the race crowd. I filled out an application and turned it in. I left for walmart. At Walmart, I ventured through several people to get to the actual person who handles finances. This lady walks out of the back, I tell her all about the JSA program and as I gaze at her pin that says "Serving the Community" I hear her tell me, "I'm sorry. We're going under renovation and haven't budgeted any money for donations for at least 4 months." I glanced at the wall decorated with posters declaring Walmart a charity-centered organization and felt a lump in my throat as If i had been lied to by my own grandmother.

I come home after 2 hours of running around and realize I haven't really accomplished much. Its times like these that an encouraging remark would make all the difference, but all I keep thinking of is all the negative and doubts I've heard over the past few days. I get home and do some weed trimming while really contemplating my life. I really think through what I need to do in order to be successful. I draw a blank as I hit a gravel patch and have a rock fly at about 50 miles an hour at my shin. It hurts enough to cry, but I don't, because....well i don't know why I don't, I just know I could have. I come inside at about 6pm and watch about 15 min of a foreign independent film about a kid getting his bike stolen. I then go back out and do more weed trimming and come in and take a shower.

As I feel the cold water run down my face I pretend I'm frozen. Then the water really does get so cold I can't breathe. I then start singing "Baby, Talk To Me" jazzed up and remember the time after the awards ceremony at Six Flags when we had just competed and only got one award. I said, "Well, they obviously haven't seen 'Bye Bye Birdie'. I get out of the shower, watch about half an hour of Smallville and use an hour and a half typing this. Hopefully it won't take you an hour to read it. This is a sign. And its directed toward one person. If you don't understand, come ask me sometime. I sit right beside you in Bible Class and right across from you at lunch everyday. If you aren't this person, don't disregard. Know that I care about this person alot, and I'll always be here when she needs me, until that day that I won't be. We get closer to that day....every day.

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped in you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you.

Dashboard Confessional-'Ender Will Save Us All'

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Mispelling Fortune

dontnowhy — 2005-05-05T11:05:36-05:00

Alternate titles for this entry are as follows (you'll know why i picked the one i did):

Why Cows Jump

Taking What I Needed Least

Disaster Plan

Putting Time on Hold

Sleeping with Sharp Objects

My day began at the dentist. I fell asleep in the waiting room, during x-rays, and while trying to sign out. My teeth hurt so bad. She said they were in 'fine' condition, "nice tough gums". First of all, that phrase is just weird. Secondly, "HOW COME THEY HURT SO BAD?!".....phew. Now that I got that out. I left the dentist and set up an appointment for a meeting for more solicting on monday. I then stopped at bojangles and brought tim to school. As I strolled down the parking lot, I pulled into the bus lot and stopped the car. It was 10:35. I checked the dentist note and it said no time on it. In a word, Perfect.

I called an attorney's office, which was right in downtown, and i drove down and asked him for a donation. He said no, but that wasn't the reason i went. I'm not sure if i was aiming to skip school, or buy myself time to think, or maybe just wanting to drive by Barber-Scotia a few times showing off the Sablewagon. I think i really needed it. Well, i showed up at school and went to class. School has always been a comfortable place for me. I'm used to it. Its routine. I feel safe. Today was different though. I felt awkward in my second home.

After my ensemble practice today, I went Whitaker's wheel and tire to again solicit. I got nothing. Its ok though. I'm getting kinda used to it. Frustration lacks the proper severity. I heard a great piece of news though. I came to pick timmy up, and I talked to my great friend Ivy. She knows what she told me. Whether its true or not, I don't care(not saying it wasn't). I wish life wasn't so hectic or i would tell everybody. Rumors just have a special way of getting themselves spread and blah blah blah.

If I've realized one thing about myself through this whole JSA thing, Its that the world is SO much bigger than the walls of FACS. I feel like its gonna take me $3200 to catch my breath, which right now, isn't looking so hot.

I'm leaving for West Virginia tomorrow to visit my cousins/grandmother/ants + uncles. I'm not even from there, but i guess whatever floats their boat. I watched 2 hrs of the OC tonight. wow. that shows gets more and more messed up. Its funny, occasionally, but there is no way life could be like that. In Concord, NC, that stuff would never happen, because everyone on the OC has their own life. Here, we are all so caught up in eachother's lives and gossip that we forget we have our own. My teeth hurt. Its about a girl i met a few months back. I hate stupid fundraising. I want to leave. Good night.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

March 1st

dontnowhy — 2005-05-08T09:05:47-05:00

I'm back from West Virginia. You might ask If i had a good time. My reply would be "yes". I enjoyed visiting my little cousins and getting to hang out with them for the longest time in almost 7 years. I was used to seeing them as babies, toddlers, and now they're personalities are truly developing. Its amazing hearing things they say and wondering "how old was I when I first said that?"

I have one permanent goal to add to my list of goals in my life. When I graduate high school, actually the summer after it, I am going to hike a leg of the Appalachian Trail. Yeah, not the whole thing, because that takes about 6-7 months, but about a month or so's worth before i start college. Right now, I'm trying to figure out which part I want to hike; GA through NC(closest to home), Virginia (part of which I've already experienced),Maryland-Penn,NJ-VT,or NH-ME(the coldest part). I'm kinda thinking it's between GA-NC or NJ-VT. The first because its the closest. The latter because I've never really experienced those states. Nothings for sure though. I'll decide later when I learn more about it. I'd better start saving up for gear now because we all now how bad i am at fund-raising.

I really think its a great idea. I can't wait. Its adventure. Its like Lewis and Clark yo. Walking across the same trail hundreds have crossed before, but pretending I'm the first. That's they way to do it. My adventure now has a direction. I'm looking forward to it. I'll take 3 very important things. A Bible/devotion book. A Journal(they don't have mindsay on the AT). A camera. Yeah of course I'll have to bring other stuf like food, water, and clothing, but they won't be as important.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

A Long Walk Alone

dontnowhy — 2005-05-09T09:05:47-05:00

I am getting pretty sick of school. I hope I can have a day tomorrow, that was the farthest thing from today. Today was OK but I just got so frustrated with some people that I thought things about them that I never would have thought before. I tried to make sense of my frustration, but it turns out the only reason I was angry was so I wouldn't be depressed. Unnecessarily rehashing beautiful memories of hurt always helps too. Makes me just giddy.

I really couldn't have made it through today without my true friends. You can always tell a true friend just standing next to them. You can say anything to them and they would somewhat understand, and even if they didn't, they console. The best quality about a friend is that you actually like being around the person. I have a special talent that I'm going to share with you all. I have a great sense of being able to see through people(not physically, sorry folks). Some people call it being judgemental, but....well it is. Yeah, I'm sorry, people's motives are always pure, even perfect Christians. Man, I used to hate when people used to call me a Perfect Christian boy, but now i kinda wish I was. I think everyone does in a way. Whatever, I'm rambling.

I think It's time I get rid of things I don't need in my life. My arrogance is first. A few people I know are second. After being lost for alittle while....a long while...I thought I realized a few months ago that I need to restart, but that wasn't good enough. I've gotten extra reassurance that I should move on. Completely uncalled for, but I'm sure it had to have been necessary..I mean why wouldn't it be? They wouldn't have said it. Why wouldn't....God i need to stop before I erase the entire entry. Man I love Mindsay. You can vent all you want and have people gossip about it all the next day behind your back. I love these little highlighter colors as well. I'm sorry, I'm just fed up with it all.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Taking The Initiative To Stop The World From Spinning

dontnowhy — 2005-05-10T07:05:26-05:00

My day was better. Well, It kinda was. Actually. It was pretty much a neutral day. I am going to miss the seniors so much. Well, a few in particular. I remember being in 6th grade and trying out for the basketball team. I remember 8th grade adam stapleton asking me why I'm even trying out because i was not tall enough to be center, or short and fast enough for guard. I remember standing there alittle upset, but then realizing that made no sense. I shrugged it off, but didn't make the team for 2 yrs until 8th grade. We(the middle school Basketball team) were fooling around in the gym and lowering the rims so we could dunk. Well, adam comes in and All I can think of is that one thing he said to me that day. We started playing and I was runing circles around him. To top it all off, I dunked over Sophomore Adam Stapleton. Lets say i earned the respect of a high schooler. That following summer, The freshmen football players were looked up to as the "experienced ones" for the inaugural season of varsity football. That is the first and last time that will ever happen. As I captain, we voted for two senior captains. Adam was one of them. I remember one particular time standing next to him leading our team in warmups, right before our first homegame against our rivals, Northside. We pumped our team up and got them really rowdy before sending them out to play our best and make them go home hurting. Yeah. That is one of the better examples of comradery I have developed with one of our seniors. I have countless other stories of pranks, glad times, and sad times I've shared with that class. Its going to be a class to remember.

Dashboard heals the soul. Its time for alittle bit, but first I'd like to congratulate the Lady eagles on their win today. Undefeated. I smell undeafeated. ok here's your soul healing.

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty

Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

So quiet
another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Who else?/Again I Go Unnoticed

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late
too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.

again, Who else?/The Best Deceptions

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Pedal to the Floor

dontnowhy — 2005-05-11T08:05:20-05:00

Take the time to notice where you are. Take the time to understand.

"I'll take some bits-o-cookie ice cream and a hug from bear claw and squid in coconut bay." - now that is a quote you can write an entry about.

"HAG- love, jake"

"WTF...What a True Friend...."

yearbooks are fun.

What does 'As Is' mean? That has to be why people get confused trying to learn English.

Wait the walls are moving...allow me to fall and this table to show my clumsiness...FEAR! I MEAN FEAR!

-"They're watching me"

"Its ok, they're just our friends that have no lives....I mean, that really care about us..."-

-"Jake, you have a 90 average in my class...."

"Are you serious?.....I HATE SCHOOL. I AM SO BURNED OUT."-

"scratch your head again...go on..do it again.."

"God Bless You.....hehe"

"By default, Jake. Only by default."

-"you need to get your butt out of bed 5 minutes early."

"I'm sorry, I promise you I'll bring flowers next time I'm late"

"And I promise I'll give you a CDC."-

"Property of the Princess...Perfect."

"Made In the USA"

"Mike Lindenburger is a *" - not me...hahahaha, but oh so true.

I am still Inspired By Fire

______________________________________________________

Alright, i'm now gonna go sit outside on my porch and wait for one of you to call me. I'll be there all night.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Moments When I Know It

dontnowhy — 2005-05-12T11:05:19-05:00

Yeah. I was driving over to my brother's house for our weekly OC watching, when all of a sudden, a hurricane struck. I could feel the water beating against the bottom of the car. It was frighteningly awesome. It made me think of PB+J though.

You know, life really is like a PB+J sandwich. Allow me to ellaborate.

The bread: The bread represents everyday life, and the average state of real life itself.

The peanut butter: Peanut butter stands for the pessimistic side of life. Sticky and really hard to take in alone(although a challenge is always fun).

The jelly: Jelly stands for the sweetness in life. It goes down smooth, and it makes an ordinary peanut butter sandwich into a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich.

Sometimes in life, you get stuck with a hard time(the darkest burnt Whole wheat bread ever) and sometimes you have an awesome life full of sweet surprises(Hawaiian Sweet bread). The majority of the time though, we are stuck with a honeywheat or white bread for the average day.

In life, you get stuck with peanut butter. The necessary evils in life, that are required in order to make the jelly seem great. Sometimes crunchy, sometimes smooth, but always necessary(and it helps keep the bread dry from the jelly).

Jelly is the rewards in life. They are made awesome by the bland taste of PB and its moist release from the dryness of everyday bready life. No matter if you like strawberry, peach, grape, apple or blackberry, what really matters is that have the one you like, because hey, its your life. Pick the right jelly.

Most people get pretty used to their sandwiches and learn to live with it. Alot of people though are bent on making their sandwiches better. Finding that Hawaiian sweet bread, or that blackberry jelly. More moist, more dry. More PB, More J. Its hard to believe, but its all your choice. Just one thing though. Whatever you do, don't throw away the sandwich.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Hark - Jeg elsker De

dontnowhy — 2005-05-15T12:05:41-05:00

-You aren't truly defeated until you doubt yourself.-

People think of Catholics differently. They really do.

The past week has been quite rough, but you know what, I'm not gonna bore you with my problems, because I've had an awesome night of renewal. Its in the past. I've been trying to get my mind off it all by doing a number of things. I think they worked. How about a funny story?

CNN is reporting that it is revisiting the outcome of the Civil War.
It appears that it was too close to call and the South may still have a
chance. Documents were found that support the fact that some people joined
the wrong side. Apparently they weren't aware that their states were part of
the South and they were fighting for the North.
The line between the North and South was "just too confusing" for some.
A recount of all the battles is being simulated with new populations via
computer to see who would have actually won.
Right now it's just too close to call.

I was driving in my car tonight on the way home and I had another strange thought. If i was running for President, and I was a Republican, I would make an announcement to the country saying something along the lines of this:

"Due to the overload of people at the polls and the increased expected turnout this year, we are requesting all Republicans and Independents vote on Tuesday, November 5, 2024 and all Democrats vote on Wednesday, November 6, 2024. That should clear up the polls and get rid of any confusion. Thank you for your cooperation."......I have alot of time to think...

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

-"Existentialism on Prom Night"/ Straylight Run

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Finding A Lost Cause

dontnowhy — 2005-05-15T06:05:21-05:00

Its funny how my titles rarely have anything to do with my actual entry. I was going to tell you about the meaning of life, and explain the habits of irrational immature human emotions evolving into logical reason, but Id rather tell you of my love for swiffer mops.

I could not clean anything without a swiffer mop. I cleaned my bathroom with one. I've cleaned my bedroom with one. I used to clean my truck with one.. :( ..

*tear*

I've even attempted to brush my dog with one. Mary-dog didn't like it too much though, she likes the bristles of a brush....well, since when have i cared about a dog's personal preference?

Driving home last night was quite an experience. I had alot of thoughts go through my head. I was actually thinking so much i wasn't concentrating on the road, so I thought of the closest place to pull over and of all places, FACS was the closest and most convenient. Well, I pulled into the parking lot and drove to the lower parkinglot looking over the soccer field. I got out and laid down on the cold asphault. I just stared up into the sky draining myself of all thoughts. Contemplating several problems at once. Dwelling on the good times and avoiding the bad. Then I prayed for my family and friends. Then my exams.

I felt really good. Then I felt a drip of water right on my forehead. Then it instantaneously started pouring down rain and I stood up. I just stood there for a minute remembering that I only have one shot at tomorrow. Just one.

I got back in my car, soaked, and put on a warm dry shirt and made my way home. It made my weekend. I've always pictured school as a safe place. My second home. Its always been a part of my life.

i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the members faces were smiling
with their hands out stretched to shake
it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere

"Secret of the Easy Yoke" - Pedro the Lion

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Rear View

dontnowhy — 2005-05-16T10:05:48-05:00

"I'm starting to believe

That a mirror is the only way to see

how truly blurry

Your reasoning seems to me

I'm starting to believe

that my day can change

with the help of your smile

It makes it all worth while

Realizing my faults

No courage at all

Leaving all thoughts behind

To be forgotten in a photograph

A picture of the time spent

A paper slice of memories

Thoughts, love, tears

All wrapped up into the rear view"

-Inspired By Fire

I'm not going to be stressed anymore. I can't work either of my speedstreet shifts. I have to SING on graduation night. I really need to find someone to switch with or just to cover for me. Or, I'll just skip graduation. It'll be tough, but its kinda like one of those things That I have to do. I mean, making a sacrifice if necessary. I don't know. I might, I might not. It depends.

Goodnight.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

3 Words

dontnowhy — 2005-05-17T06:05:08-05:00

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It Goes On" -Robert Frost Speaking of great literature, I won the Herbert Harrison writing contest in my class. I get a strawberry slushy! NICE! You know what? I think teachers read my blog. I'm not even joking. I'm the only person I know that doesn't block their blog from anonymous users. It would make perfect sense as well, because Coach Sosa used to read it over the summer. I linked it to Sosa Soccer, and he asked me about it one day. I wouldn't be surprised if other people weren't reading it....hmm...thats ok though, I'd better quit talking about it and give them something interesting to read, shouldn't I? I heard someone say "Did Terri Schiavo marry that dude yet?"...needless to say, I had a weird look on my face, but I am not at all surprised. This person (who shall remain nameless for embarrasment's sake) confused Terri Schiavo(the woman who was in a 'vegetative state' and had her feeding tube removed) and Jennifer Wilbanks (the girl who ran away from her wedding and had a national search for her). I blame it on the media. So many of these stories get so much attention and they happen one after another in such close proximity that its hard to tell the difference between stories. The media searches for stories, which is their job, but they'll find ANYTHING and completely blow it out of proportion. It really is too bad for the families who don't want the attention, but it works miracles for others. It took a matter of hours to start a national search for Wilbanks, which could have helped alot if she had wanted to be found. Schiavo would not have had any support if it were not for her family making such a ruckus about it. National attention has its pros and cons, and I believe it can be used to show both the best and worst of mankind. Lots of stuff happened today, but i think the highlight was lunch with Ivy, katie and blue, then racing maurie and blue back to school, then Maurie and I discussing the different approaches that two teenage boys would take to discover if a boy was truly a boy or girl...."dude, you are the most girly guy I know. I hope liking you doesn't mean i'm gay..." "but i'm not a guy. I'm a girl." "sure dude..whatever...." I went and picked matt up from bridget's house last night in good ole carolando and realized two things. 1.) I wish i lived in harrisburg and 2.)it was a beautiful day yesterday. You could see me reaching So why couldn't you have met me half way? You could see me bleeding And you would not put pressure on the wound You only think about yourself...you only think about yourself You better bend before I go On the next train to Mexico You could see my breathing But you still kept your hand over my mouth You could feel me seething But you just turned your nose up in the air You only think about yourself...you only think about yourself You better bend before I go On the next train to Mexico "Mexico" - Incubus Pronouce that the American way. thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Taking into Consideration The Thoughts of One Another.....

dontnowhy — 2005-05-18T08:05:55-05:00

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." -Robert Frost I'd like to make this one kinda short, because I'm kinda really super upset. I'd like to decree that Maurie Speed, Ashleigh Blue, Allison Baumgartner, and myself(Jacob West) should be exempt from all schooling for the rest of the year, as well as a lunch from any restaurant of our choice. While I'm at it, all 4 would like a round trip ticket to the destination of their choice as well as a rental car, food, and housing accomodations taken care of for this summer's vacation. For me, I'd like a round trip ticket to Germany and I'd like to tour Europe for a few months then come back to the States and visit New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Sacramento, Albuquerque, and spend 3 weeks in DC as an intern for a senator. I'll drive either a brand new Ford F150 dark blue or a jet black Chevrolet Impala SS. I also want a brand new laptop to keep up on my mindsay and emails home. New phone you ask? no. I got Panda. I need no other. The only downside is, i'll probably be doing all this alone. Well, If FACS could pick up the tab for this stuff, that would be great. :) I finally got my work schedule set up for Village Fudge next week, along with Speed Street. I'm feeling good about the money aspect of this summer, but I just wish i wouldn't have heard the news.... By the way, it's my birthday real soon. I think i'm drunk enough to drive you home now I'll keep my mouth kept shut from under lock and key That's rusted firm, no lie 'cause all these conversations wind on and on... Drinking champagne from a paper cup Is never quite the same And every sip's moving through my eyes And up into my brain At half past two; about time to leave 'cause the dj's playing rhythm and blues A sad-sorry state, stutter step to those slammin' grooves As i'm waiting around for you... "Drinking Champagne From a Paper Cup"- Death Cab for Cutie thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Souveniors From My Soul

dontnowhy — 2005-05-21T09:05:08-05:00

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. -Robert Frost

The beginning of this week got me kinda down. Nothing in particular, until Irealized that I couldn't go to JSA at Georgetown because I couldn't raise the money. That hurt so bad. Like enough to cry. I felt like i was wasting time every second i was breathing. Then i stopped breathing. That didn't bring the desired effect, as you might have expected. I really took some time to reconsider my thoughts. On thursday, I had a dentist appointment. After i got out of the dentist, I stopped just before i puled out of the parking lot. I had a choice. Left, back to school. Right, lunch anywhere i wanted. You can only guess which one i picked. I got back to school at about 1 and felt alot better. Then Mrs. Bonnie told me i had won the Christian Character award for my class. That made me feel really good. Then i went English class and was told that if I make a 100 on my make-up spelling test, then i will get an 'examption' (my word for exempting an exam). Jason and I studied outside of Mrs. Timberlakes classroom all of 7th period for that test and we both made a one hundred. Memorized 12 vocab words for an oral test. It was challenging, but we conquered.

I also found out that I had an Algebra examption. On Friday morning, I walked into Mrs Rieder's class to find out that I had a World history examption, and then Mrs. Dotson's Bible examption. I was a happy camper. Only 2 exams, because i already aced my drama exam...(Bye Bye Birdie). Friday afternoon was bittersweet. I looked into my locker, into all the memories, and cleaned it out. I cleaned my whole locker. It wasn't fun, but I was happy with all 50 pregamers from soccer season, my awesome picture with Ryan and Mike, My bag of swans, and my magazine sale packet crumpled at the bottom of it all. I took all the book covers off and took out everything that was unnecessary. I then took Ryan over to Village Fudge and came back to pick up timmy. that night, I took Tim and Joy out to see Starwars and really enjoyed it. I'll have to admit that it was probably my favorite one out of all 6. I could go on for an hour about it, but I'd rather not. "We are just a group of suburban white kids. Cops love us."

I will, however, comment on the race traffic. It hasn't gotten bad enough to complain about yet, but i do want to give a shoutout to all the police who have to deal with the drunk rednecks and bad drivers. Yeah, cops can get on your nerves, but they are just there to make sure you stay safe. I've realized that much. I woke up this morning to my dad calling and telling my to get dressed because we're going to Kentucky to buy a truck he saw. Yeah. Well he called back later and told us that he found another one with lower miles in Fayetteville. Thats much better. We made our 2+ hr drive up there to find a nice 93' dodge dakota ext with 48K miles. Nice. We bought it and I really like it. The most unique feature about its awesome red interior. I feel that it will serve us well, and will save on gas with its throaty V6(thats sounds like a V8). Its black and silver. I like it.

Alright, Well i gots to watch me some Boondock Saints and head to bed because I have to do the Ensemble gig for FA church in the morning. YEAH!

Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time runs through our veins.
(it starts and stops and starts and stops again)
We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)

Staring at the setting sun
No reason to come back again
The twilight world in blue and white
The needle and the damage done
"Understanding in a Car Crash" - Thursday

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

She Knows That I Know

dontnowhy — 2005-05-22T06:05:51-05:00

"The middle of the road is where the white line is - and that's the worst place to drive."

-Robert Frost

The ensemble performances went quite swell. After that, I did some lawn work, mostly trimming bushes and pine-needling them. I've been doing some serious thought in the past few days. I've been considering lots of different opportunites in my life, but I feel bad about accepting them. Stepping into situations in which i have little or no control over. I love the release. The stepping stones to help you cross the rushing river. The canyon with the single, frayed, rope bridge. The samurai guarding you from a night of no nightmares. The exacerbation of your frustration changes you into someone you never thought you'd become.

Tell no one of what you saw here.

The exacerbating galldoras will haunt you in your nightmares.

-the breakfast cereal talked more than we did all day long

i asked her for a walk but she had to be on her way

so i told her that i knew she'd been stepping out

she swore that she could explain

she swore that it would not happen again

she swore that she could explain

we both knew her words were in vain

"Bad Diary Days"- Pedro the Lion

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

And So It Begins

dontnowhy — 2005-05-23T10:05:08-05:00

All thought is a feat of association; having what's in front of you bring up something in your mind that you almost didn't know you knew. -Robert Frost

Listen closely to the warming tone

The breeze of mischief

Listen to the way the sun shines

Experiencing indifference

on the way the remaining hours should be spent.

-Inspired By Fire

Today was, believe it or not, the last full day of school. I wasn't feeling it. I'm not into summer yet. I'm experiencing a state of institutionalized thought. I should have been happy. I should have the nervous twitch about summer being just moments away, but I don't. I'm just gonna pretend its a long weekend. A really long weekend. Its actually more like the end of a year though...yearend?

This is my first summer with my license. With my new truck at my use, this should be an awesome yearend. With a working weekend coming up and a whole work week next week, I'm going to have plenty of cash to save for that special occurence in which i might need alittle spray paint at 10:30 pm. Or for food after a grueling tennis match. Or the emergency bag of ice after the incident with the 9 iron, piece of plywood, and huge dirt hill. I can feel it already. No JSA means more time to mess around and learn how to experience life and live it to its fullest.

I can only hope that I can be used this summer to better someone else's life. I heard on the news today that this summer is supposed to be hotter and drier than average. Thats great. It still feels weird. Only two exams and I'm free for 3 months. Its almost kinda scary. 3 months of the best years of my life. Am i going to waste them? Am I going to stop and watch the sunset? Am I?

Walking down this hill tonight
I had a thought all to myself
As I contemplated the moonlight

We've got it all, we've got it made
I don't know how I got here
But I'm holding on for the crash

Pull myself out of the moon
I know I'll never go there but
It's shining down from up on high
We got it made, we got it made
I don't know what we gotta make
Sooner or later we die

"Walking Down the Hill" - Travis

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

After All My Desires

dontnowhy — 2005-05-24T04:05:35-05:00

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

-Robert Frost

____________________________________________________________________________

It seems as if nothing is as it seems.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"He said look into a liquor store shooting in Montgomery.."

"County?"

"No, Alabama."

I started out my day at about 6:30 am. I drove tim to school and picked up my biology book. I then went to my dad's office and he told me to go get him a cup of coffee from Rocky River Coffee. That stuff is awesome. I dare to say its better than even the great Starbucks. I then did a few hours worth of filing, then went and got more paper and folders at officemax. I came back to his office, did more filing, then ran some plans to a client and copied some maps. At about 12:15, I went and picked tim up and we went to Jack in the Box. We saw the Burchfields and enjoyed our icecream shakes. We then came home and I watched the Bye Bye Birdie Performance dvd and critiqued EVERYTHING I did wrong, and right. Then i watched a movie and the DC Sniper Shootings called "23 Days of Fear".

My plan for summer hasn't even begun yet. I can feel alot of filing coming on in the next few months. I got Speed Street and two exams this week. Its gonna be so much fun.

I wake up every morning
From the same dream
And then I kill it
But you can't change the letters when the ink dries

I woke up on the sidewalk and everything just changed
Now the lights are blinking but I can't see anything

"I Am the Killer" - Thursday

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Using The Word In The Definition

dontnowhy — 2005-05-25T08:05:57-05:00

I don't believe it. I broke my 300th entry record almost 2 weeks ago and i didn't even realize it. The word "pride" cannot even begin to describe....but "why" sure has a good foothold.

Thats just it though. I "dontnowhy".

I woke up this morning and dropped tim off at school for his exams. I then went to the bank and ordered some more checks. I walked in to the bank and this nice lady asked me what I needed. I said "I'd like to buy..I mean..order checks." She handed me a little booklet that had all sorts of check designs from Tinkerbell to a dollar bill shaped design to tigers. I got the plain blue ones. I would just feel awkward filling out a check with a Lisa Frank polar bear on some pink iceberg with a rainbow colored bird flying gracefully above the "Pay to the order of" line. i walked out and began thinking, If checks are as good as money and represent currency, did I just buy money?.....

I went home and worked on my Biology review for about half an hour before I had to go pick up Tim. We stopped by Food Cat and got some hotpockets and oatmeal cookies, then headed home for lunch. I watched some Unsolved Mysteries about a true psychic (freaky), some soap operas (even freakier), and spent another 2 1/2 hrs on my Biology review. I then watched alittle bit of Liverpool's victory over AC Milan. Then I went on a walk around my neighborhood.

My first exam is tomorrow. Biology. Phew. I can't wait. Then I'm gonna pull an 8 at Village Fudge. Fun. Unspeakable.

Today, my mom was offered a trip to California, all expenses paid, to be a nurse. She was going to get paid $1,000 for a 12 hr shift at a hospital. You might ask why she didn't take it...she was going to be a Strike-breaker. Her response was, "I can't do that. Those are my sisters." Not even $1000 can break my mom's moral integrity. Wow.

-Must Listen-

In this room I'm sitting by your side.
'Cause it rains for hours and the phone is off its hook.
Standing on the edge, casting lots to set me up before you knock me down,
off the summer's edge and drown me.
We're betting on our own lives, making up for all the time we lost.
In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades
(one breath, one step could knock it all down)
but you lead with your eyes and you give it away
(decide, design to cut from the clouds).
When the people you love get lost in the shuffle,
(when you leave, you leave nothing but broken heart)
you let it go and then you fold.
So we stay on the open road.
We drive for hours and still no end in sight at all.
Driving in your car, miss the stop sign, fall in love, just to get knocked out.
Pull your punches and burn with your cigarettes.
Pulled like a punch and burnt like a cigarette?
forever.
"Standing on the Edge of Summer" - Thursday

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Conceiving the Thought of Truly Believing

dontnowhy — 2005-05-26T11:05:51-05:00

"The best way out is always through."

-Robert Frost

I could diagram my entire day and tell you all the funny stories, but i'd rather you ask me later, when the sight of chocolate doesn't throw me into a convulting seizure of sickness and my hands heal from twistie-tie scars of torture. I'll leave you guys one of my top ten favorite songs. This song has one heck of a story behind it for me. Not really even the words as much as just my whole life at the time I fell in love with it. Again, If you'd like to know, come ask me sometime. I'll be glad to share the story of my year.

I'm trying not to stare, it's too late
The blankets over there, if you like
I'm broken and I'm colder than hell
I should've said I'd not come back here

Your breakfast will get cold
I really have to go

It's easier to lie and be safe
Time and time again I'm half stalled
One giant leap of faith is easy
When everyone you ask is so sure

Just give a second thought
What if we don't get caught

Just say you love me now
And forget this whole row
Just save your energy
For making up with me

"Grazed Knees" - Snow Patrol

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

My Redefining Moment

dontnowhy — 2005-05-29T03:05:10-05:00

If I could type one word to sum up these past few days, It would probably be "calming". I started working my temp at Village Fudge and worked at speedstreet for them on saturday. I really enjoyed it. There is absolutely no comparison to the feeling you get when you hand a little kid a piece of candy. Their face lights up like you're staring into the sun. Wow. About 40 boxes of fudge and 50 gazillion blooming apples later, I'm so glad i got to work there. I've met a whole lot of great new people working there and i really enjoy it.

I worked speedstreet on friday as well for my soccer team in a coke booth with Blake, Adam and Mr. Baumgartner. "A clean counter is a productive counter", the barslide lemonade, the sprite toss, and the pigeon lady. Man we had fun. Sold out 3 times. Up to ankles in ice water as well. That was an experience like no other and we really couldn't have had a better team. If you hear one phrase when you think of our booth, hear this , "We got Full Throttle!".

Yesterday was my first time to ever drive into uptown Charlotte by myself. It was really cool. I had a few problems leaving because it was dark and they closed off the road i had used before, but God gave me the instinct to find the way quite easily. I couldn't do much without Him.

The money for speedstreet is going toward an awesome cause. Let's just say the guy's team is gonna be super chico next season. Well, Raj and Lulu are coming over for some killer ribs tonight, and i just finished vacuuming. I'm gonna go take a napparoo.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Making It Right For the First Time

dontnowhy — 2005-05-31T10:05:52-05:00

I was just listening to that song i posted a few entries ago called "Grazed Knees" by Snow Patrol. I feel like poetically elaborating the way that song moves me everytime I hear it. When you come in from the snow, numb and cold, and you go stand in the shower and just shiver while the warm water envelopes you like a blanket. When you hear your favorite song reach its focal point and it sends a chill down your spine. When your best friend reassures their love for you, and when your significant other leaves you forever. When you jump off something high enough to feel the few moments of gravity reminding you of your humanity. When you are sitting all alone staring into the sunset freezing cold....my favorite moment ever.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Forever I Will

dontnowhy — 2005-06-01T11:06:23-05:00

Konbanwa. Watashi no namae wa Jake desu. Watashi aisuru. Sayonara. Ja, mata- Domo arigato gozaimasu. thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Caramel Stains and Espresso Burns

dontnowhy — 2005-06-02T11:06:34-05:00

In response to the last entry, some of you might be wondering why i put Japanese on my blog. Well, those are the only phrases I know so far. One of my goals this summer is to learn Japanese. Not just the language though, I want to know the culture and customs of its society as well. It's interesting beyond belief, and i feel like expanding my horizons. I have purchased the Japanese For Dummies book and I love it. I read it every chance i get. I'm actually starting to get the main swing of the verb conjugations and noun placement.

Tonight was my first night making coffee at VF. I'll have to say, it takes some practice, but I am pretty decent at it now. So much chocolate, so much fudge, so much sugar! When will it ever end?! I also burned myself on the espresso machine. My thumb hurts pretty bad. Yeah. I love it though.

I have to get up pretty early tomorrow to attend "taste of charlotte" with VF, so i have to get a shower, some grub, and some sleep. Ta Ta.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The 15 hr Shift

dontnowhy — 2005-06-05T02:06:21-05:00

The past two days, i worked a total of 27 hours. I'm kinda tired of caramel apples and fudge-dipped pretzels. In all actuality, if i see another, I might just have an extremely violent seizure. 'Taste of Charlotte' was fun. I saw and interacted with so many different kinds of people. I experienced many scenarios which i excelled at, and quite a few that I did not handle too well. It's one thing to work in a fudge shop when you have maybe 3-4 customers at a time, but its quite another to be understocked with about 25 of them in a line waiting for a caramel apple featured in the Charlotte Observer that day. Not as many drunk people as Speed Street, but there were quite a few with multitudes of complaining children. I have a pretty funny story though. I was cutting apples in the back an one of the apples was being very stubborn. I pushed down as hard as i could and just as I cut it, I sliced my thumb with the blade right through the glove. I was bleeding pretty badly with about 8 apples to cut left. I threw the apple away and searched for a paper towel which i soon discovered we had run out of. Without spooking the customers, i slowly walked to the front counter and sneaked a napkin and wrapped it around my thumb. Then i got some tape and wrapped it around real tight to stop the bleeding. I put on another glove and got back to work. About 15 minutes later, I was still cutting and I had to cut a seed out of a slice of apple. Pretty standard procedure which i had perfomed about a million times before, but this time, the blade decided to slip and slice my middle finger. I dont know whether it was fatigue, a bad apple, the smell of beer and wine mixed with fried italian food, or just horrible luck, but i grabbed another napkin and Ms. Latimer went and got a medic for me with some bandaids. While he put the banaids on he was telling me of how another woman cut her finger off down the street right into a pot of chili. All i could think of was Wendy's and how thankful i was that i didn't have luck that bad.

We made quite a bit of money. I made alot of memories. One of the funnier ones was when i came back from my lunch break and my co-worker, Chris, is excitingly telling me about how he just got flashed by accident by some hot girl. I asked him how it was on accident and all he said was " dude, a MAJOR gust of wind." A quite frustrating experience was on friday night at about 12:00 am when i was pulling out of the parking garage and the ticket booth machine ran out of receipt paper and some guy walked up and told me to wait for his buddy to get there to refill it. I waited almost 20 minutes. I spent the night at Ryan's house, but didn't get there till 1:00am. I've driven out of Charlotte 4 times after 12 am in the past 2 weeks. There are 2 things I've learned about it. Every street sign looks different at night and slapping yourself to stay awake is more distracting then sleeping at the wheel. Defintely. :)

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...

"23"- Jimmy Eat World

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

What If You Decide

dontnowhy — 2005-06-08T12:06:02-05:00

Just the few moments I've listened to of this new Coldplay album has seriously changed the way i look at music. Good thing Matt has legally downloaded it....

The past few days have been pretty cool. I had the day off monday, but instead of using it to do fun stuff, I went and filled out tax forms and got a worker's permit because I am officially hired at Village Fudge as a regular staff employee. Nice. I pat myself on the back. No more temp work for me, Unless i do a temp job again in my life...

After I got my worker's permit on monday afternoon, It was probably 2:30 and i felt i needed to go do something to finish off my day. I looked in the back of the Merc and found 2 frisbees, a few golf clubs, my crosse, a skateboard, and my tennis racket. Well, I couldn't play frisbee, because it was just me. I can't golf that well. If I stand on a skateboard, I fall right off. So, I drove around for alittle while until I found the back of "The Village" (FACS's little strip mall project) and got my crosse out. I started bouncing the ball and played alittle rebound against the huge walls they have back there. It was SO hot too. I had so much fun though. It was a great way use up an afternoon.

I went to work this morning and learned alittle more about the wonderful world of Village Fudge and experienced my first disgruntled customer. It was over the phone thank God. Phew....won't mention details. I hung out with ryan while i was working and he shared his wonderful bag of french fries with me. Those were great.

After work, and the torrential downpour, I went to see "The Longest Yard" with Joy, Chris and Jordan. I wanted to see Lords of Dogtown, but Chris didn't want to. He said it was "not a good movie". He obviously didn't see the Z-boys documentary. Thats what got me siked. I'm still gonna go see it though. I just don't know who with because Matt and Tim have already seen it. I still got Batman to look out for too. Hmm. Good thoughts.

I was pulling into a gas station yesterday (the Exxon on the Run near the Speedway and Foodcat) and I just turned off the car to go inside and get a drink when this guy walks up to my door and goes to grab for the door handle. I jump to lock it and grab my keys between my fingers ready to stab him. He said he was sorry and that he was going to ask for directions. I didn't open the door, but instead kept talking to him through the window. I immediately started searching him with my eyes for any lumps that could possibly be a gun while i put the keys back in the ignition and told him to go inside to ask for them as i started backing up. I was so scared. I drove away with a cold chill and a flushed feeling. I'm just glad i hadn't opened the door yet. Those keys would have done some damage though so now i keep my crosse and a golf club with in arms reach while in the car. You can never be too safe. Its a scary world.

I was driving home tonight after the movie and it was pitch black. As I was driving, I realized that I was the only person the road. So I got kinda curious and just flipped off my lights for a second to see what it would feel like to drive in pitch black. I imagine that is what alot of people's lives are like. Driving down a an unfamilar winding road in pitch black. I believe there is hope though. A map called the Bible (God's Word), a sense of direction known as the Holy Spirit, and a set of headlights that resemble Jesus. He shows us the way in the scariest of situations. With incidents like yesterday, I probably wouldn't be here today without Him.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

After Enough Time It'll All Seem Clear

dontnowhy — 2005-06-08T10:06:29-05:00

"A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom."

-Robert Frost

I hope dawn never comes, because this, our captivating nightfall, is so beautiful.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Resisting the Feeling of Emotion

dontnowhy — 2005-06-11T11:06:32-05:00

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.

-Robert Frost

Occasionally in life, you have the most perfect day....but the minute you say that, something bad happens. Thats why everytime I say that, I stub my toe really hard in an effort to make that count as the one bad thing. It works most of the time. Oh, and don't try writing it down thinking it won't count as you actually saying it. I tried that too. I think the punishment doubles because of your sneakiness.

I had a lady walk into the shop today and ask if we sold fudge. The name is "Village Fudge and Candy Shoppe". Needless to say, I beat her up and stuffed her in a trashcan, and as i was kicking the bag I was screaming, "does this hurt? Huh?! Does It?".....I'm just kidding. I just told her, "Yes, Ma'am. We do in fact sell fudge." I worked almost a 12 hour shift today. Every second of it was spent wondering if I should just sneak out. I had the strangest urge to celebrate something today. Something kinda like a birthday.

As I was standing all alone by the espresso machine making a nice deep purple ribbon bow when a Spanish speaking fellow(early twenties) walked in with a friend and they pretended to look at the fudge while mumbling something in Spanish about my purple bow. He said something like "mira ese ramera con arco purpura." I got the main jist and I walked over to the counter and said "gracias mi amigo, para tu." He kinda chuckled and said he was sorry. He walked out shortly after that. I actually wrote ramera on the back of my hand to look it up because i didn't know what it meant. Now, i think i should have jumped the counter and sprayed hot water in his face....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

More Time Spent is More Time Wasted

dontnowhy — 2005-06-16T11:06:13-05:00

"Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length." -Robert Frost

There are moments in life when I kinda wish I wasn't me, but I was someone else watching me, being just as critical.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Punctuated Love

dontnowhy — 2005-06-17T11:06:41-05:00

"The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work." -Robert Frost

Cross the train tracks carefully, because the guard rail is broken.

You wanted to be in the middle of the drama? Sorry, Auditions are over and the Lead roles are filled.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Now That Doesn't Leave Me a Leg to Stand On

dontnowhy — 2005-06-18T01:06:46-05:00

Last night at work, It was just Chris and I at the shop when we got bumrushed with the usual friday night crowd. We didn't even have live music that night, but they all still decided to come anyway. While I was making a White and Black Raspberry Truffle Mocha, Chris asked me if I still played soccer. I said yeah, and he said," Man I bet you guys suck.." Then this girl said, "actually, I heard they were perdy darn good at soccer over at First Assembly". I nodded my head and smiled at Chris as he tried to defend himself by saying cutting down our football team. "Have you guys ever been first in your division?! The Spiders have won States Baby!" I simply replied in front of God and everybody, "You stupid Redneck." The entire shop stopped talking and I was shocked that i had said such a thing in the middle of Concord NC. I might as well have been talking to everyone within a 100 mile radius. Then the girl that had defended me earlier said jokingly, "now that doesn't leave me a leg to stand on. I go to Mt. Pleasant". She said it in the most country accent. Then to older guys sitting on the couches say, "Spiders suck! Go Wonders! Yeah Baby!" These guys were AT LEAST 40 or better. Then I hear 3 girls sitting by the soda machine say "Bulldogs Rock my Socks!" (Robinson) I was a bit shocked still, but we all started laughing and went back to our own things realizing first that we all represent different schools, but different personalities, accents, and interests. Needless to say, It was funny. We were only missing a few major schools from our county. It was a great experience. It was like a scene out of a movie.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream

You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?

I see your picture
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you

"I Miss You"- Incubus

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Leaving Nothing/Everyth... Behind

dontnowhy — 2005-06-19T12:06:12-05:00

Freedom lies in being bold. -Robert Frost

While sitting at my table on my stool at Village Fudge last night, drinking a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, I started thinking about the past few weeks. I started thinking about all the times I've experienced. All the movies I've seen. All the new people I've met. All the memories and new skills I've acquired. 3 weeks ago, I didn't even know the difference between a latte and cappuchino. Now, I can make a double espresso macchiato in my sleep. I've even began working on tricks to do to make it more fun. I can juggle a small coffee cup better than a soccer ball (of course while there are no customers). I've learned alot about myself and what I need in my life.

I had a dream last night that I worked in a mine. "Zoolander" quotes immediately came to mind. I don't even know what we were mining, partially because I wasn't there long enough to figure it out. I was walking down the shaft and everything in my dream slows down as i begin watching this random guy swinging his pick and hitting a support beam. I start running toward him (but slow motion guys down run that fast) and he breaks the beam. The frame crushes under the weight of the earth above it and all i remember is being covered in lots of dirt and rock.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Unaffected by the Winter Winds

dontnowhy — 2005-06-20T08:06:36-05:00

It hurts less when you realize its all on you. Like when i grabbed a 300+ degree milk steamer rod. That was my fault.

My birthday seems so fake. I had to be reminded it was my birthday tomorrow by Mrs. Dina. She even motioned to me to remember to say my "birthday week" thing while I was introducing myself to the most awesome soccer camp ever to grace the face of this earth. I felt like such a loser. Then again thats not abnormal for these past few weeks....months....year. These past few weeks, I was really contemplating leaving FACS. Just hearing all the cool things about other schools from people at work, tuition prices, and just numerous things that have occurred, I really started considering it as my next big move in life. I don't know though. I truely don't. I'll just have to contemplate it alittle longer.

My 17th birthday. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in Mrs Banks' 3rd grade classroom just staring out the window, wondering when I was gonna turn 12. I always remembered the age of 12 being the year that i became important. Five years later, I feel less important than I did at 12. I remember birthdays being exciting. I remember waking up and getting a present on my birthday morning and a special made breakfast that planned weeks ahead. I remember making a birthday list for my next birthday, the day after Christmas. I still haven't given my mom a clear answer of what i want for my birthday this year. I actually told her a few times just to forget about it and get me a cupcake after i came home from work on tuesday night at 10:30. She just about bit my head off and told me to get the night off. Getting covered for work wasn't the hard part. It was choosing a restaurant for my dinner. Why is it so hard? Why am I not excited? Maybe I'm stressed and don't want a birthday. Maybe I'm not used to happiness anymore. How Emo. Hopefully these wintery winds will blow over soon and regretting will be replaced with forgetting.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Whispering Your Words of Comfort

dontnowhy — 2005-06-21T10:06:00-05:00

Some things are harder to say than others. If they weren't, would we ever say anything unimportant?

I got a happy birthday cupcake this morning from Hannah. I got just about a bajillion Happy Birthdays from Ashleigh. I got lunch from Ryan and his mom. Then we went and watched Batman. I love that movie. Then I went to dinner with my family and we discussed cops and tickets for about 2 hours. It was funny.

On my way home from the movie this afternoon, I came upon my infamous "epiphany lane". The site in which i realize the answer to the question I've been wondering for God knows how long. I discovered a great analogy as well.

Finding a partner in life is alot like trying to find a nut to fit a bolt. Let's say you have a bolt holding everything in your life intact, but there's no nut to hold anything on. The larger your life gets, the more you need that nut to keep everything intact. So there's your dilemma. You need to find a nut. You go to the hardware store and you see the most beautiful polished nut that has ever graced the face of the earth. It seems as if the others just don't even compare. You bring it home only to realize that this perfect nut is really not so perfect. It doesn't fit the bolt. You are heart broken. This perfect nut is a waste. Its so hard to part with this nut, but you have no use for it. You toss it out. You go back to the hardware store and find another nut, and another nut, until you find the "one" that fits. Its not the most beautiful, or polished, but its the perfect fit. Its sturdy. It will hold your life together. You not only begin to just trust it, but rely on it everyday.

Life gives us many opportunities to make big mistakes, and alot seem almost unavoidable. Just one word of advice for the night. Find the right nut. Don't settle for the wrong size, and what ever you do, don't keep the loose ones around. It will only ruin the relationship between you and the "one".

It's just hard to think
I'll never get the chance
To say your mine.
But every time you hear this song
You'll know you've made a mark
On my heart and my mind.

"Between You and Me" - The Ataris

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

And I Wake Up Today

dontnowhy — 2005-06-22T10:06:56-05:00

And I wake up today
Still smiling in the air.
Wish dreams could be so great.
"Open Eyes" - The Early November

I've learned today while I was stocking chocolates, It takes time. It takes alot of time. And yeah, the stocking chocolates part does too.

Today wasn't to bad. I got sunburned to death, but i stopped by walmart and got aloe and rub/sweat-proof sunscreen. Coppertone Sport SPF45. Its what God uses to protect Himself from His own rays of Glory. I got a kohls gift card for my birthday yesterday. I went in there today and bought 3 shirts for $7 a piece, a $5 tie, and a $16 pair of board shorts. Those shirts were originally $35. I didn't believe it until I actually asked someone. I have one more birthday present to use. A $25 gift card to CMills. Hmm, I must ponder this one.

I can feel this moment is going to change. Its going to Change the Way They Look. Pass me by only to see that you knew all along why you flashed your lights.

I just want you to know, I thought alot about what you said and even had a quick cat nap about it.

Make it new. Refresh the you and me part. Change the way things are going in order to keep them going.

We can definitely find a way, even though they always win. We don't have much to lose anymore. Lets just try again.

The hardest part is going to be forgetting, so lets try to forget there even is a "hardest part".

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Its A Rainy Night and a Few Good Men

dontnowhy — 2005-06-23T10:06:10-05:00

"Be careful of what might become of the hours staring at the napkin holder" - Jim You might be wondering why I quoted my boss instead of Frost. Well, I ended up thinking about what he said all night and still have no conclusion, but I feel like it seriously has a meaning that needs to be found somewhere beneath the letters. My conversation with a 9yr old CLEATS camper- "Jake, You're a good man." "Thanks Grant." "All the other counselors are evil. Could you tell them that for me?" "Sure, but why don't you tell them that yourself?" "I'm afraid they might cast a spell on me." "...Grant, go get some water and meet in the middle for juggling." I need to tell you something. Its about Bearclaw. thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Air For the Brave

dontnowhy — 2005-06-25T12:06:52-05:00

I don't have to go into work till 5 today. YES! MONDO! YATTA!

Have you ever had something so hard to say that you can't say it. Enough that it frustrates you. Like the scene in 'Liar Liar' when he trying to say the pen is red when its really blue.

All the consequences fly through your head at the instant you think you're going to say it. You get a pain in your chest that feels like its compressing your lungs to even if you do mouth it, no air will come out. That's when your heart takes over and gives you the power to say it. To share what needs to be said.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Implosions

dontnowhy — 2005-06-26T08:06:00-05:00

I watched the implosion of the convention center this morning. Partially because my body clock never lets me sleep past 7, and I like blowing up stuff. I sat there and just watched this building crumble in a matter of seconds. I liked it.

Yesterday, I went to the mall before work to use up my $25 dollar gift card. I make my way into the mall and notice something happening at FYE. There was a concert going on. The Avett Brothers were playing a live concert at FYE and there were a ton of people watching them. They had a very distinct sound. They had a mixture between banjo and screamo. I liked it and watched them finish their set. I then kept walking in an effort to find something to spend $25 dollars on. I walked by several clothing stores, found a few shirts I liked, but kept walking. I thought about going to see a movie, but I only had an hour and a half till i had to be at work. I strolled around and saw many items screaming my name. "Jake! Buy me!" I shrugged and kept walking. I had to use it on something though.

I eventually got bored and sat down on a bench. I looked up feeling defeated by over 200 hundred stores and saw "Scrubs and Beyond". It felt like a lightbulb. I walked in immediately and saw all of the scrubs to choose from. I thought i would get a pair as lounge pants. Should i get green, blue, red, white, or flowered? I thought for a minute and realized that I could be mistaken for a doctor if i wore any of those. So I found black. This color not only looks nothing like what a doctor would wear, but they look like ninja pants. I walked up to the counter and the girl at the register said they had a sale on scrub tops as well. I said, "sure, why not?" So i bought a set of scrubs. I felt accomplished and happy.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Closer to the Past

dontnowhy — 2005-06-26T09:06:59-05:00

Matt his Junior year. Me before my Junior year. Thank you Bridget.

I can definitely tell we're related.

I got to watch my favorite movie today. That was the peak of it actually. I love days like that. They're so few and far between nowadays. Work from 9 till 1 tomorrow. No plans after that. If all else fails, I'll go save a koala bear from a burning rain forest. Seeing as that is what i do in my spare time. Oh, and i never usually have a song of the week, but this is it.

Love and love and happy afternoons
Watching TV from your room
While you're laying in my arms
And I know it's not fair to me
To see this love walk right by me
Every day, will we ever meet the right way

"All We Ever Needed" - The Early November

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Read the Red Reflections Off the Water

dontnowhy — 2005-06-27T11:06:24-05:00

Pretend for one moment. Didn't that feel cool? Customer lady -"Whats in a Bailey's Irish Cream truffle?" Me - "Bailey's Irish Cream" Customer Lady -"Whats that?" Me - ".....uhh....goat's milk." I love scrubs. They are so comfy. like more comfier than anything ever. Yup. Defintely. I'm hanging out with Ashleigh Blue two weeks from today. Uhh, and thank you Melissa for getting me hooked on The Early November. That's all. And breathe in deep let it out slow Did you hear it's all my fault again I know why no one else knows why I'm here all alone again make it sound so good that I won't be right and I walk alone tonight outside my house and outside my mind no matter what I say I'm never right "Every Nights Another Story" - The Early November thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Everything You Wanted. You Got It.

dontnowhy — 2005-06-30T10:06:42-05:00

First soccer practice of the season was tonight. I was very disappointed to see only 6 guys there, but I guess summer has a way of stealing our desire to run around and sweat in the bayou known as FACS soccer field. The guys that showed up played awesome and worked hard though so I guess it was worth it.

If you had a biography about yourself made into a movie, which actor/actress would you choose to play your role, other than yourself of course (that was my first pick). They don't have to necessarily look like you, but they do have to be the same sex and within 15 years of your age.

My pick would be (after much deliberation) Nelly....I'm kidding. That would be cool, but not who I'd pick. I think I'd have to say Jake Gyllenhaal, or Enrique Iglesias. I'd pick Jake because he's in my favorite movie and he has my same name. I'd pick Enrique because he's really hott and also shares my spanish name, 'Enrique'. Although i don't have a cute little mole or anything....

Any other suggestions on my pick, and/or your pick for your actor/actress is mandatory. Well, you actually have the right not to answer, but it's too much fun not to.

Have an awesome and perpetually great night.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Life, Love, and A Clever Moment

dontnowhy — 2005-07-02T11:07:34-05:00

I watched War of the Worlds last night and truly enjoyed it.

I went to work tonight and got thoroughly pissed at a co-worker.

I'm leaving tomorrow to go on vacation.

I had a great dream last night that will sadly never come true.

My left tail-light is out.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Is It Enough To Believe That You Are Real?

dontnowhy — 2005-07-10T04:07:06-05:00

"guess what? I can't do this anymore."

I'm back after a week of shocking events. The fireworks over Charleston Harbor were amazing. Throwing over 300 firecrackers into a lake is pretty awesome too.

I have a few predicaments this summer. I really miss my dog that I have to go pick up tomorrow at the vet. My cat went ballistic when we came home this afternoon. When I get my own dog, I might name him James, but if i have a son, I'm going to name him Noah. I have a girl name too, but I don't feel like broadcasting it. If i do have kids though, i will teach them how to play the piano. The piano is the most beautiful instrument in the world and i think the creator knew that. Its sad that there isn't a piano in ever household anymore. There used to be. I learned that on NPR today.

Peace of Thought to All

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

And Now I'm Scared

dontnowhy — 2005-07-12T01:07:29-05:00

Ok. The Fantastic Four is an awesome movie. BJs is ALWAYS a great turn-around parking lot. Ultimate Cheeseburgers are death-by-ketchup. The greatest thing i learned from yesterday with Ashleigh is that a wrong turn might just be the right way to go. We gotta do that again sometime Blue.

I have to be at work in one hour till close and I just got home from soccer. I firmly believe the time spent resting between two activities is the sweetest experience that life has to offer. Life has been pretty rough the past few weeks, but I'm sure God will save me again from my problems. I try not to count on too many things in life. I try not to depend on others. With God though, i can't help it. I have to remind myself that He'll be there as my loyal friend and father. Well, i'm about done for now and have to go eat something before i starve.

"Changing the thought of another into an emotion of your own. Isn't that how it seems?..."

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

It Sounds So Ridiculous

dontnowhy — 2005-07-13T04:07:54-05:00

-I can give you a miracle.

He said.

I'll hold your hand in mine

and guide you through life.

I'll hold you hand in mine

and be here for you all the time.-

I'm off to work. Have a stupendously and ridiculously great night.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I've Decided To Not Decide

dontnowhy — 2005-07-14T12:07:23-05:00

I don't know what it is with random people coming up and telling me that they know me at work. I usually have about one every other shift, but tonight, I had 3 in just 4 hours. I had a nurse come in and say that she knew my mom(which isn't surpising. my mom has worked at 3 different hospitals in 25 years), but i hadn't even told her my name or anything. I had a lady walk in and say that she was "tabitha's mom" and asked if i knew her from first assembly. First of all, how did she know i went to FA, and secondly, i didn't recognize tabitha till I saw her, and thats only because she graduated with my oldest brother more than 8 years ago. I was in 3rd grade.

The 3rd person was an old man that came in for ice cream. We said they usual greeting, then he stopped and looked at me and said, "You did a great job in Bye Bye Birdie. I saw Dick Van Dyke do it in person on Broadway, and you performed wonderfully." I asked him if he had children who went to FA, and he said he didn't. He had just come one of the nights because he had heard we were having a production. I thanked him and gave him his ice cream.

The rest of the night went quite well minus the wreck i witnessed on the way home. A mitsubishi montero t-boned a honda accord on the passenger side at the intersection of Corban Ave and Branchview. The accord ran the light and the montero wasn't watching. I was one of 2 other cars on the road. I got out and called 911 and made sure everyone was ok, and witnessed the wreck for the police officer when she showed up. The guy in the accord was really shaken up and had a nice bump on his head from hitting his side window, but the teenage couple in montero were ok. It was the worst crash i have ever witnessed. The teenage guy driving the montero walked up to me and said the quote of the night though,"This chick is THE dumbest blonde I have ever met, and now this mess. This has been the worst date EVER." I made quick work of getting out of there because i was already late getting home and it just took a big 25 minute chunk out of my night. I'm just so grateful it wasn't me.

Christmas is coming way too slow.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Can Tell Its All You Ever Wanted

dontnowhy — 2005-07-14T11:07:02-05:00

I had THE most awesome dream last night. It was the most real feeling dream I've ever had. In most of my dreams, I realize its a dream, so i do a bunch of stuff that I wouldn't normally do. Like, if I'm in a classroom in a dream, I stand up and state some random quote from Caesar and run out of the room while stealing the teachers pen and throwing it down the opposite end of the hallway. Or if I'm at work in my dream, I spill a ton of water on the floor, then run and go sliding across the water until i just fall over. Or If I'm in walmart, I just run up and down aisles knocking over entire racks of merchandise, and end up jumping in that huge cage of bright colored bouncy balls. Most of the time though, If i go insane in my dream, then it ends rather quickly. Last night though, I was thrown into a situation in which I acted completely like I would in real life and it worked out even better than if i had gone completely loco. I felt genuine happiness.

Alright, today was my day off until i was asked to come in yesterday. So I gotta go to work then soccer practice after that. Later yo.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Silent Wind Chimes

dontnowhy — 2005-07-15T11:07:58-05:00

^my 4th favorite song ever.

I have Mmm Mmm More work today. Its kinda boring I know. I wish i could be saying " I'm going to hike to the Appalachian Trail" or "base jump off some tall building in New York" once in awhile, but my daily plans usually revolve around work nowadays. Ok, I have to go. I wish all of you a very productive day. (relaxing is being productive in my book)

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Broke My Promise Again

dontnowhy — 2005-07-15T09:07:39-05:00

While was at work today, The most awesome group of songs came on. I felt like just breaking out and dancing, but instead I just sung them as loud as possible(when customers weren't there of course. I just sang them softly while there were customers.) I had quite a few vistors (who I actually recognized) today. My bosses have gone out of town. That have to close the store all by my lonesome. Actually, Laura's gonna be there, but I have the keys.....mwhahahaha!

I think i have a day off next week. Yes!

An old favorite from the year of Channel One News. -

Days swiftly come and go
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall

Did you think that I would cry
On the phone?
Do you know what it feels like
Being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?

Dreams cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old
They bend, they fold
And so do I to a new love

Did you think that I would cry
On the phone?
Do you know what it feels like
Being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed
By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?

Bury me
(You thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(Away, away, away)

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed
By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?
"Swing, Swing" - The All-American Rejects

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

In More Than 5 Ways

dontnowhy — 2005-07-16T03:07:37-05:00

I'm going to finish my french bread pizza and head to work for the night. Its a big night. No boss. Phew. Time to test my Village Shoppe skills.

Have an Expressively Articulate night everyone, because i know i sure will.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Am In Love

dontnowhy — 2005-07-17T11:07:24-05:00

Tonight, I watched "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". Most people don't believe in love at first sight, and follow it with some humanless, unimaginative, critical, scientific reason to play down a true love as just a fling or infatuation. I, for one, absolutely believe it. This movie is just one example proving my point. It was one movie that I genuinely only heard myself laughing and I didn't really care. It made me feel great. I love snow too, and I work in a candy shop, so I assume I'm pretty partial to it.

Today, I woke up and attempted to fix my weed trimmer while my other brothers were doing their lawn work chores. It took me a while, but after some drilling and duck tape(literally) I got it good enough to finish my lawn and cut up my legs real well. No Skintimate could save me this time. I'm going to pick up a few parts tomorrow to finish my project in hopes that it will be absolutely perfect.

- I saw the headlights

peeking out from behind the trees

"take things slow", I said

reassuring that it was just a dream

but the dark silhouette came closer

And i felt the urge to move slower

they flashed their light once

I flipped my mirror in an attempt to erase

but I knew it all along

this was no competitor

this was one to follow

this was

this was the perfect love-

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Well, It Turns Out I Never Felt That Way At All

dontnowhy — 2005-07-19T12:07:13-05:00

"There's no more trying to make it right." I woke up this morning with one thought, "Retrieve Gasoline." I went to Harrisburg and got some, deposited a check, got 2 bolts for the weed trimmer, and rented a video game. I really felt like a super hero this morning, so i got a Batman game. I came home, replaced my other tail light, fixed the weed trimmer and went to go play my Batman game. I tried turning it on several times and it never worked. I made several attempts to fix my gamecube so i could feel like a super hero, but all failed. I didn't really feel like a super hero anymore because my game was broken. I also can't go to Hilton Head with mike this year because i have work, soccer and a catering job. One great thing did happen today though. I got a letter in the mail today saying that I was cleared of all charges in my wreck over Spring Break. That made me so happy. Praise God. Last night, after my entry, I decided to scope out some other people's blogs. I got so enveloped in the random stories of love, depression, and various other teenage issues, that I read these strangers stories for more than 2 hours. I didn't get to sleep until probably 2:30am. I probably won't do much better tonight. I guess its just life right now. Its gotten me wired. I wake up just about every day with a groggy throat and spirit that couldn't be de-railed by a freight train. Speaking of trains, on my way back from Harrisburg, I had to stop at the railroad crossing. I was so excited because the train hadn't shown yet, so i could count all the cars(my top is 217, including 7 engines). It sounded huge. The ground was almost rumbling. Then i heard the horn. It was deafeningly loud. Then It got closer, closer, closer....I was just about to witness the Noah's Ark of Trains....closer...closer...and it appeared. This was no great freight train though. This was a utility cart about 8 feet long with one guy driving it. It looked like a radio flyer with railroad wheels. I was a bit disappointed, but I eventually laughed, because that's just funny. thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Inspiration From The Most Common of Places

dontnowhy — 2005-07-19T01:07:13-05:00

It is thyme that we except the consepuences off hour axshuns. Eye furmlie belief that this coarse off Axshun will relief hall hour tenshuns. Eye all so belief my Inglish teecher wood vomet eff she red this.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Dragonflies

dontnowhy — 2005-07-19T10:07:24-05:00

Today, I woke up and waited for an electrician to come and fix a ceiling fan. Then I sped into soccer practice and played with my comrades in 96 degree heat for 2 hours. I then went home and took shower and then went to lunch with mike. Oh, did i mention it was really hot? We hung out for a few hours, and then i went home. Tried to take a nap to no avail and then i went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory again with Joy, Jordan, and Chris. It was great yet again, but during the previews, I almost fell asleep. Thank God i love that movie though. Speaking of sleep, I need some. I'm tired.

One more special thing. On my way home tonight, I stopped yet again at the same exact railroad crossing as yesterday and I parked, rolled down the windows and watched an actual freight train go by. It was cool. 63 cars including 3 engines. It was awesome. I heard the booming of the train rails clashing and I even saw a few sparks. It was so cool looking and I was only second in line. Beautiful.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

A Rather Different Set of Friends

dontnowhy — 2005-07-20T11:07:32-05:00

My day started off pretty ok. I didn't do much. At All. It was awesome. I think i'm gonna order a pair of keeper gloves. Its all up in the air about whether I'm actually going to play goal yet, but my old ones barely exist anymore. Its pretty hard to catch a ball without gloves. I got practice tomorrow and no work. I'm a happy camper. I'm wondering if I should do anything tomorrow. Like, should I even get out of bed? I just realized that Sunday would have been my day to leave for JSA. 3 weeks of Georgetown, gone. I'm not going to dwell on it though. I mean If i wasn't looking for money for it I wouldn't have been offered the job I have now. Pretty lucky I'd say. God had my back on that one. Alright well I wanted you all to know that I love the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory soundtrack. Its a beautiful thing. "I don't hate anyone, but If I absolutely had to...." thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Stay For Me

dontnowhy — 2005-07-21T10:07:15-05:00

I hate myspace. Degrassi is pretty awesome, except when its on. I desperately need to order some gloves. I wish I lived in a cold climate, because i like to bundle up. Soccer practice was quite wet tonight. I have a nice and busy tomorrow. I need to eat something. I've been sleep deprived. I'm randomly taking AP US History according to Mrs Jane Reider. I still haven't met the new Cantadore guy. I kinda like Billy Budd, Although it is quite queer at moments. This is going to be a rough year in school. We have literally a ton's worth of new football players coming to our school. I can't wait to beat some decent teams and make Northside cry...Mwhahahaha! Our guys soccer team is ranked 4th in state in 2A soccer as of now. My top 10 favorite songs are as follows. 1.Snow Patrol - "Grazed Knees" 2.Broken Social Scene - "Last Place" 3.Thursday - "Standing on the Edge of Summer" 4.Pedro the Lion - "Secret of the Easy Yoke" 5.The Early November - "Sunday Drive" 6.String Quartet - Tribute to Dashboard Confessional's "The Good Fight" 7.Blink 182 - "Man Overboard" 8.The Verve - "Bittersweet Symphony" 9.Deathcab for Cutie - "Company Calls Epilogue" 10.Built to Spill - "Sidewalk" This is the list as of now. I like lots of music, but I have to be in a mood to listen to most of it. This is the stuff i can fall back on when I need it. Oh, and I can get pretty crunk sometimes as well. You know me, I love the "dirty south". thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Nationalism

dontnowhy — 2005-07-22T12:07:37-05:00

This morning, I went and picked up my AP history book and bought a can of honey-roasted peanuts for lunch. When i was in walmart though, I was reading the ingredients of a bag of mesquite bbq potato chips to see if they had real bbq sauce in them, when i felt this creepy hand touch my shoulder. Needless to say, I jumped. I turned around and there was this maybe 20 year old guy standing behind me. He said "Oh, behave." I was terrified, but couldn't stop laughing. He apologized because he thought I was someone else. I didn't stop laughing until I got back home. The randomness of that moment will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can only hope the koala bears don't start saying that now.

Alright. I'm going to read for a few hours before work at 4. Or I might go do something insane and dangerous. I'm not sure yet.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Realization of Fault

dontnowhy — 2005-07-23T09:07:40-05:00

I realized a lot of things last night. I realized that I am missing alot of stuff going on. I've been practically forgetting much of the problems i've experienced with my friends in the past few months. I went to sleep last night after a long talk, a lonely ride home, and a heavy heart. It takes way too much work to hold a grudge against someone. It had been so long since I had, and last night, a friend helped me realize exactly how much it hurts both sides. I can't say I feel any better about the situation itself, but I guess I thought things would've changed the first time I tried this. Pain is hard to forget. So I hope that's an ok excuse....I apologize.

I have to be to work now. I'm pretty sleepy. I have a lot of price stocking...phew. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Sleepy Eyes Wide Open

dontnowhy — 2005-07-24T12:07:48-05:00

I'm kind of in one of those weird stages where my body is physically tired, but I can't sleep. I tried many things. First, I tried a glass of warm milk(naturally). I didn't work too well. Then I thought exercise would be the thing that would push my body over the edge into sleepy land. I did 30 pushups and crunches. It just made me more tired. So, now i'm trying this. Writing on Mindsay to make myself sleepy.

Please God. Tell me I'm not turning into Bridget. I beg you.

This morning, I woke up at like 8:45 to be to the shop and open up. I got to the shop and realized my key had disappeared. I looked everywhere for it. The only thing i could think of was that it had somehow fallen off in some freak-incident-of-chance. I called my boss and she so kindly came and unlocked the door for me. That started my day off awesomely. I went in and did the usual routine, but while making my first latte of the day, I scalded my hand on the milk steamer...AGAIN. It was one of those burns that you don't immediately feel because it kills the nerves at first. It blistered the back of my hand. I'm slowly learning to hate that machine. I thought that had to be the extent of my problems today. I went to go put the bagels in the oven on 300 for 2 min. When they got done, I grabbed a pot holder and tried pulling them out. Keep in mind, this rack is about cheek-level. I try sliding it out once. I try twice. I try 3 times, but when i pull, i pull so hard the 300 hundred degre pan smacks me on side of my head. Thank God i turned my head or i could have like burned my face pretty bad. I realized that someone had left caramel on the bottom of the pan and it had melted onto the oven rack.

I convinced myself that i was done with all things that could burn me. I started unpacking and pricing stuff instead and got through about 20 boxes in a few hours. You'd think it probably doesn't take a whole lot to do that. You'd be right. It doesn't, in the first 3 hours. Your back and and fingers start hurting after that, and that's when you pull landscaping duty. Speaking of landscaping, We have a huge planter outside that is infested with hornets. Its scary. I have next tuesday off again.

I had this kid come in a few nights ago with his friend and dad. I could tell they were golfers. They found our golf gift section. The kid picked up this liquid-filled globe with a tee and golf ball. They object is to try to land the golf ball on the tee. He kept trying and trying and trying, until he finally came up to me and asked me if it was even possible. I showed him my technique(which is time-tested and proven) and he tried that for a few minutes. He then said "Why don't you get on the tee ball? Are you too good for the tee?" I couldn't stop laughing. He realized what he had said and set the globe down and laughed as well. It was perfect.

I could not get my mind off what i wrote earlier this morning. I thought about it all day, and then came home to realize I had completely messed up the most important part of what I wanted to say with a major gramatical error that truly would make my english teacher vomit. Well, nothing can be perfect can it? Not even an apology.

If you can tell me the movie and how many times I practically quoted it in this entry, I'll give you a prize. Oh and i figured out that my little brother had taken my key off my key chain thinking it was a house key. Thanks Tim.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Two Moments

dontnowhy — 2005-07-24T08:07:15-05:00

This is the next page
We'll take it stage by stage
The air is cold tonight
by the 3rd house on the right

A right, right
A left, a right
Waiting for a moment
for your forgotten jacket
is nothing compared
to my 45 min drive

There is someone alone
There is someone sad
but there are two moments
when we aren't them

I had told you everything
till my jaw fell off
and waited for you
but you just listened,
stared back, and said
"what's on your mind?"

I can think of two moments
and only two moments
In which I hurt more

I had a major fall
one fall
when you said
"Let's drop it all."

For two moments
I believed in a change
For two moments
I believed in moving on
For two moments
I believed we had one left

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Maybe I Don't Wanna Go

dontnowhy — 2005-07-25T11:07:53-05:00

I have the day off tomorrow. Beautiful. Soccer. Then Nothing. If anyone would like to join me in some cliff-diving or base jumping or free-style walking, or a pick up soccer game at 10:00 am at FACS field, meet me there.

Caught off guard
All worked up
The air is as dark and cold as night
Let me go
I’m not done
I swear I’ll take this one lifetime and i

I won’t lie
I won’t sin
Maybe I don’t wanna go
Can’t you wait
Maybe I don’t wanna go

I should’ve asked
I could’ve helped
At least a - 1,000 times before
Will this offer get me in
Or does it prove that they gave more and i

I won’t lie
I won’t sin
Maybe I don’t wanna go
Can’t you wait
Maybe I don’t wanna go

"Letters to God" - Box Car Racer

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

It Takes Time and Amnesia To Make It Right

dontnowhy — 2005-07-27T11:07:32-05:00

Well. Yesterday, I got up and went into FACS field to play some soccer and met Adam, Ashleigh, Emily, Lucky and Laura. We played around for about an hour and the realization of the heat, and the fact that we didn't need to be out there sunk in real quick. I went home and took a shower and we met up again and had lunch at The Olive Garden. That was an experience. It was a nice day off.

Have you ever felt like you were put on this earth to help someone and really give them everything you had, but only gave them what you were 'comfortable' giving them? It's like one of those tests that you study for a million hours to get an A on and when you get the test, you make a C on it. I feel horrible.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Shoestring Affection and Starbucks Hate

dontnowhy — 2005-07-27T11:07:54-05:00

I have a busy day tomorrow. Work from 11:00 to 3:00 followed by a catering job till only God knows when. I was opening a box to unpack some product(not unusual) and I dropped my box-cutter(unusual). It fell and landed between my two of my toes and stuck into my sandal(very unusual). I'm gonna need some serious worker's comp by the time i'm done with this job. And you thought this was an easy job. Its danger everywhere you look.

I usually deal with people when they ask for Starbucks drinks, but after I make the drink, they open up the top and say "This isn't how Starbucks makes it", thats when I draw the line. After this lady asked for a Caramel Macchiato(one shot espresso, one shot caramel, one inch of foam), I hand it to her in all its perfection and she says "This isn't how starbucks makes it". I look up at her and am so close to saying "Am I wearing a dorky black or green apron?". Actually, I say "This isn't Starbucks ma'am." She describes to me the way Starbucks does it, and its not a macchiato at all. She really wanted an Iced Caramel Latte. I blame Starbucks for screwing with coffee names. They confuse the common people with all their stupid names, and when they give them horrible coffee, the people come our way with all that idiotic lingo. There's actually supposed to be a Starbucks opening right next to Carolina Mall where the old Burger King used to be. That is like less than a minute from our shop. Its going to be interesting. We're going to have to step up our game alittle bit.

I was in the shop tonight and this song came on. I love it. It seriously made happy just hearing it.

In a church by the face
He talks about the people going under
Only child know
A man decides after seventy years
That what he goes there for
Is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep
And through a fractal on that breaking wall
I see you my friend and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip
But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little
Crazy crazy crazy

"Crazy" - Seal

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Mourning Dove

dontnowhy — 2005-07-28T10:07:10-05:00

-I'll paint these walls tight with the fear of falling out of love I swear I'll work all night but somehow I know you'll escape Because that is who you are a heart as sweet and graceful as a mourning dove- I had a pretty busy day. Lots of work. Then a catering job after work. I'm beat. I wish it was Christmas. Great Night. Every day I wake up and it's Sunday Whatever's in my eye won't go away The radio is playing all the usual What's a Wonderwall anyway Because my inside is outside My right side's on the left side Cause I'm writing to reach you now but I might never reach you Only want to teach you About you But that's not you It's good to know that you are home for Christmas It's good to know that you are doing well It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting It's good to know I'm feeling not so well Do you know it's true But that won't do Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday And whatever's in my eye should go away But the radio keeps playing all the usual And what's a Wonderwall anyway Because my inside is outside My right side's on the left side Cause I'm writing to reach you now but I might never reach you Only want to teach you About you But that's not you Do you know it's true But that won't do And you know it's you I'm talking to "Writing to Reach You" - Travis thanks for visiting my life- Jake

True Atheism

dontnowhy — 2005-07-29T01:07:31-05:00

Opening Statement: There is no such thing as True Atheism.

According to Webster's Dictionary, Atheism is "the disbelief in the existence of a deity". The roots of the word go back to the Greek word "atheos" which means "godless". That is where I have the problem.

The belief in no deity means that you do not believe that a god exists. You do not worship anyone or try to serve anyone else's will unconditionally. You do not see anyone as having supreme authority over you. That is where you are wrong. Who is someone not serving anyone? Nothing.

You chose not to believe in God, but then whom are you serving? I'll tell you. You are serving yourself. You worship yourself and serve your own human desires unconditionally. You have supreme authority over yourself. You consider yourself your own 'god'. You aren't truely an atheist then, are you? You have chosen to devote your life to yourself. I have respect for many different religions that serve different gods than I. I respect their love for their god and admire their devotion that is sometimes greater than my own. There is one type of person I can absolutely not stand though. Atheism is the epitome of selfishness and takes no effort.

It confuses me to talk to an atheist and know that they completely oblivious to the world around them. How do you think the world became so perfect? How do you think we have everything we need on this earth and more to survive and live happily for a full lifetime? If it was evolution, than who started it? If it was some huge explosion, than I'm going outside right now to throw a firecracker at a brick and create a perfect world. Sounds pretty crazy, but that's the extent of the answers I've recieved from most atheists. One thing I hear alot from them is their complaints about how the beginnings and workings of the Christian church are tainted with sin and corruption. Name one religion that isn't. An atheist's life is based around following his/her own human desires. Humans, by the way, have corrupt desires to begin with. How do you expect to be different than the people you are complaining about?

Its one thing to complain about people, but how can you possibly deny that there is a god higher than you? Its impossible. Whenever i talk to atheists, all i can think of is a confused, blind individual.

I hate to rant like this, but sometimes my frustration gets too great to just stay quiet about the ignorance. Thank you for reading this, and I can only hope that one day, you'll pick up a flower and realize that it wasn't created by chance, but by a higher being that loves you very much and doesn't want to be ignored.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Faith

dontnowhy — 2005-07-31T05:07:06-05:00

I have a pretty busy week. Soccer tryouts and work are consuming everyday for every minute they're worth. All this reading I have to do for AP history and the worksheets are going to take alot out of me when there really isn't much left. I'm going to miss this summer so much. The simplicity of everyday has been great.

I am usually tired of summer by now, but just thinking of this coming year...It makes me want to take my tibetan pilgrimage a few years early.

Thanks for everyone who responded to my post about atheism. I appreciate a good discussion once in a while. It strengthens my faith.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Sunday is All the Usual

dontnowhy — 2005-08-02T04:08:09-05:00

I'm tired. Now I have to go to work. By the way, has anyone else noticed that Mindsay's clock is 2 hours slow? I just noticed it today and quite frankly, It made me happy for a split second until I checked the time on the TV and realized that I hadn't bought myself 2 hours in life due to signing on to Mindsay. It was a realization that shook the purpose in my life. Not really, but i thought it sounded cool.

I'm not going to lie anymore. Seriously. Even little white lies are stupid. Like not even to make others feel better. There are always ways around lying. I'm going to be upfront and honest about everything. I used to think that staying quiet was the right thing to do sometimes, but it really isn't, especially when you feel passionate about something. Never stay quiet unless you have nothing to say.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Should Have Asked

dontnowhy — 2005-08-03T07:08:34-05:00

I should have asked. Instead, I just told you exactly how I felt with no fear of what you'd think. Most didn't understand. As a matter of fact, neither did I. I wanted to climb out so badly that I hurt myself in the process. Was I too comfortable? Was it too early? Yes. Both. I wished for the hope of a future. I wished it would all end. It would have been so different if our feelings would have been the same. Was it too expected? Was it too early? Yes. Both. I've realized that you are a much better person than I am. I don't deserve your company or friendship. You would deny it. That only proves my point. Was I too cowardly? Was it too early? Yes. Both. Was it not meant to be? No.

After more than a year. It continues. It feels like a terminal illness. One that I can't shake. One that I almost don't want to.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Dressed Up

dontnowhy — 2005-08-04T09:08:11-05:00

I had a great dream last night, but I woke up with a horrible taste in my mouth. Like enough to vomit. It was horrid. The weird thing was though, I could taste it in my dream. If I ate or drank anything, it would taste horrible because of this funk I had in my mouth.

I got my schedule yesterday. I got all the classes i wanted. I'm a happy camper. Thanks school.

Alright, well i have to go to that one place for a few hours like usual. Peace out guys. Oh and I'm sorry if that last post creeped any of you out. I just had to say it and I thought now would be a good time. And last week would've been good too. Oh and next month as well.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Supernova Bordered Conversations

dontnowhy — 2005-08-04T09:08:21-05:00

I've realized one thing today. You can truly fall asleep if you just close your eyes and imagine a fun, but thought-provoking situation. Or it might just be me. Try it and give me some feed back. I seriously need to know if I'm going insane slowly or quickly.

I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to go now. I think have a heartburn problem. Or it might have just been the 3/4 of a pepperoni pizza I ate just two hours before bed, but I doubt it. I came up with a great song at work today. i sang it until my boss told me it disturbed the customers, but complimented me on my singing ability.

I feel i need a forced amputation. Its the only way to survive with my part of my heart intact.

-And if it was just how you wanted
You'd be glued to his bones and his brainstem
And changing your image and attitudes
Won't bring you back into your bedroom
Amputating as he's waiting
He's unresponsive 'cause you're irresponsible
Little swinger your bottle is thinking too much
'cause you're aiming to please way off target
And i'll tell you what you must already know
Of amputating that too slow-
"Amputations" - Death Cab for Cutie

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

I Tip My Hat to the Colorful Arrangement

dontnowhy — 2005-08-05T09:08:31-05:00

I was driving home from soccer practice and I was thinking about Willy Wonka making icecream that stays cold and doesn't melt for hours. I was trying to figure it out, when the most random sentence popped into my head. "Look here Democrat, Ohio is for Lovers!" If someone can link those two and have it actually make sense, I will buy you an Icecream of your choosing. Great luck. I learned three things about pouring a soda tonight. 1)When pouring any Coca-Cola or Pepsi-Cola product, You should make sure that the foam is still present before you add ice. It blocks the splash. 2)Do not chug a hot Coca-Cola or Pepsi-Cola product, unless you are a trained professional(I am, for future reference. I hold the record at 4 in a row.) 3)If bubbles are still fizzing above the top of the foam, It is required by law that you hold your nose directly above the fizz and allow it tickle your nose. Cute giggle and actually drinking the beverage is optional. You in the dark You in the pain You on the run Living a hell Living your ghost Living your end Never seem to get in the place that I belong Don't wanna lose the time Lose the time to come Whatever you say it's alright Whatever you do it's all good Whatever you say it's alright Silence is not the way We need to talk about it If heaven is on the way If heaven is on the way You in the sea On a decline Breaking the waves Watching the lights go down Letting the cables sleep Whatever you say it's alright Whatever you do it's all good Whatever you say it's alright Silence is not the way We need to talk about it If heaven is on the way We'll wrap the world around it If heaven is on the way If heaven is on the way "Letting the Cables Sleep" - Bush thanks for visiting my life- Jake

(Undefinable Gibberish in Background)

dontnowhy — 2005-08-09T10:08:16-05:00

It was a lonely monday afternoon

there was no one on the road

so we took a cruise

I will love you forever

Forever i will love you

My favorite green chair

matches your floor

when I always seem to hit it

with the refridgerator door

I will love you forever

Forever I will love you

even when the sun doesn't light the moon

and we can no longer play our favorite tune

when life seems hopeless and out of place

or your entire mind has lost its base

I will love you forever

Forever

I will love you

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Everyone is So Sure

dontnowhy — 2005-08-10T11:08:49-05:00

Well, Volleyball was fun.....or Not.

Is it possible to run out of gas twice in one day? I did.

I got my parking permit today and added it to my collection of used and stolen ones. That car is so ghetto....ghetto fabulous!

I had a dream last night that I flew to Rome during the time that John Paul 2 was dying. Everyone had their own reason for going and I remember traveling with a complete stranger named Aspen. I had know clue who this girl was, but she somehow knew me from church I think. It soon became evident that she felt so desperately touched about the situation that she begged her parents to send her to Rome. Her father said yes, but would only send her if she had a guy that could watch out for her. So her parents sent her and I (rich parents) to Rome for a week to see Vatican city. I thought that idea was pretty awesome. I remember her dad handing me a small knife to use for protection, and me looking back at him with an odd face. As we were walking up to airport security, I dropped it in the trash. There was NO way I was bringing that thing on the plane.

We got to St. Peter's Square and stood, and stood, and stood for hours. Then I told her we should go get something to eat. We went to find some kind of food and we found a cafe. We walked in and ordered a coffee and a pastry and sat down. Just then I watched a guy run into the shop with a gun pointed at the shop owner's head. The shop owner looked at him with disgust in his face, and yelled in some strange accent "Are you mad?! The Pope is dying! Get out of my shop!" The guy put down the gun and ran out. I remember walking back out and someone screaming, "The Pope is dead! The Pope is dead!" Aspen immediately started crying. I consoled her, but the next thing I knew, we were riding a bus to the airport. Then I asked her how much money she had left. She said 2 thousand. I had 5 hundred. We had only been there two days. I asked her if she wanted to take a tour of Europe. She was reluctant, but eventually said yes.

I remember seeing Berlin, Paris, and London. After the week was through, We were down to about $900 together. I asked her to come with me to Eastern Europe and see Ukraine, but she refused. I begged her and begged her, but she said she wanted to go home. I felt I needed to go to Ukraine for some reason. I wasn't sure why, but I did. She apologized, begged me to come back home with her, but ended up giving me $800 and rescheduling my flight for one more week. I got on a train Germany and left for Ukraine. I passed through Hungary and Slovakia, but I stopped in Ukraine. It was SO cold. I didn't have enough clothes at all. I remember walking through the streets at night and this woman stubbled up to me shivering and holding a bundle of blankets and asked if I was American. I said yes and she handed me the bundle and fell to her knees and said "go now. Take him." She then collapsed and seemingly died. I looked inside the bundle of blankets and found a baby. A smelly baby, but a baby none-the-less. I disguised him as a bundle of clothes and carried him back the train station and got on the very next train heading to Berlin. The last thing I remember is contemplating what I was going to do with that baby boy. Was I going to bring him to some German orphan home, bring him to Rome to see the Pope's body, or try to take him home. I truly didn't know, but as I sat on that train watching the snow covered plains wisk by, I knew what I had to do.

It was a great dream that I think I'll make into a novel one day.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Accent

dontnowhy — 2005-08-11T11:08:26-05:00

Alot of stuff happened today.

I feel like fashionably blacking out.

It was awkward and painful all at once. I wish I would have said something.

How would you like to highlight the predicament of the day carelessly, but still avoid all your problems in time to feel good about doing absolutely nothing with your talent of loving others no matter what?

-Aye.

Bang Up Job Mate.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Scream in Harmony Once More

dontnowhy — 2005-08-14T10:08:36-05:00

I love the feeling of stepping out of a car when its drizzling rain onto hot, semi-dry asphault and watching the water sizzle and evaporate just as it hits. I love the feeling of the rain casually and slowly soaking my solid colored teeshirt. I love to feel the suction of stepping onto a dry spot, but once I remove my sandal, the water proceeds in an enveloping fashion. The water is almost warm. I love to walk a bit slower than my usual stride in order to consciously enjoy the rarity in which I am existing in that moment. Believing that nothing else has to matter until I stop that silly "believing". I love feeling a love so great, that only He could give me this moment. I love this moment in which I can praise Him by just enjoying it. I love the feeling that He has given me someone to love, but at that instant, the rain gets cold. I start shivering. The puddles of water soak my feet and i realize where I am....and that i am completely under-dressed. You give and You take away.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Switchfoot Voicemails and 20 Virgin Deaths

dontnowhy — 2005-08-18T04:08:21-05:00

Today, I got a voicemail that I thought actually meant something, but it turned out it was an accident.

I was reading my AP history book and realized that the Salem Witch trials were pretty unfair.

I would explain everything, but sarcasm undefinably mixed with truth is always too random for everyone but the one person you really want to hear it.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Love Pollution

dontnowhy — 2005-08-19T10:08:14-05:00

Crossing bridges over water A new reflection creeping in Got your head so full of traffic The love pollution's setting in Cause I'm feeling that I can't go on I can't go on this way Turning back a hundred pages in the book As letters fade Been calling out for days As emptiness invades Another moment's lost again Just sunk beneath the waves Been calling out for days As emptiness invades But hey, hey, hey... Holding back the undercover No respect in giving in You'd sell your soul to be another When love pollution's setting in Cause I'm feeling that I can't go on I can't go on this way Turning back a hundred pages in the book As letters fade Been calling out for days As emptiness invades Another moment's lost again Just sunk beneath the waves Been calling out for days As emptiness invades But hey, hey, hey ... 'Hey' You pick the pieces up again You're like the song that never ends And you're the reason I wake up And you're my vision You're my touch... Cause I'm feeling that I can't go on I can't go on this way Turn it back a hundred pages in the book As letters fade Been calling out for days As emptiness invades Another moment's lost again Just sunk beneath the waves Been calling out for days As emptiness invades But hey, hey, hey ...

"Love Pollution" - Feeder

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Old Guy Soccer

dontnowhy — 2005-08-22T12:08:44-05:00

Tonight, I went with My brother Matt and his friend Tim to union county where we played soccer with a bunch of old guys ranging from 17(me) to probably 40. It was alot of fun.

I have this week off work. Thankyou God. I still have full right to say "sorry, I have work" as an excuse to get myself out of doing something though. I thought I'd need to state that before the work week actually starts so it counts. If I want to skip school because of "work", I may also do that as well. Now that we have that settled.

I do have quite a few soccer games and orientations that I'm never told about. I should just not go because I was never told formally about it. That would be nice. Perfect world......

I have enough money for a plane ticket now. Yes! Time to leave. You might ask where I'm going.....yeah, I don't know, but I hope I'll end up in Tibet. Yes I know, I'll pack my cardigan.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

The Same Thing

dontnowhy — 2005-08-30T10:08:58-05:00

It feels like forever since I updated this thing. Its been a crazy few days that felt like a month. I'm pretty sleepy. I just feel like snuggling up and going to sleep. I went into this school year thinking it was going to be the worst experience ever. Its been bad at times, but overall, I can't allow myself to have a bad day. Although today came pretty close.

It seemed like every minute found a special way to destroy me bit by bit, but I was determined to save myself from being torn. It felt as if Time ignored the speed limit and stalled out all at the same time. On top of it all, I didn't get enough sleep last night....but GOD FORBID I cry about matters I can't control. That's not what a "strong, charismatic individual" does.....is it? I'll never know until she tells me. I'll never know until I tell myself.

I'm listening to the new Death Cab for Cutie album that my brother so kindly bought today. Its great. The perfect thing to make my night alittle better. Happy mid-week everyone! Good night and tell someone that you love them(sincerity is mandatory).

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Shepherd Alley

dontnowhy — 2005-09-09T10:09:13-05:00

I hate it when people try to scientifically define love.

If we all understood what love was, what would be the point of feeling it at all?

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Inspiring More

dontnowhy — 2005-09-17T02:09:38-05:00

"I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep."

- Walt Whitman

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Ergo

dontnowhy — 2005-09-24T11:09:38-05:00

I almost got another kitten, until my mom clawed my face off for even mentioning the thought of bringing another animal into the house.

Sometimes, when I walk up my stairs, I start sprinting, thinking that I'll save a few seconds of my life.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Unbelievably Inevitable

dontnowhy — 2005-10-09T11:10:13-05:00

I was just reading a few of my old entries and I could remember the emotion I was feeling when I wrote them all. I started with "What a day", my first entry. I remember feeling very upset and regretful about the current situation of my recent breakup with my best friend/girlfriend, Melissa. That was a tough time, but wasn't even close to what I had experienced in the entries almost 6 months later.

I don't believe how cryptic I tried to be, but I still tried desperately to try reveal my inner feelings. I realize now how transparent my thoughts really were in those entries and in the entire theme of 75% of my Mindsay entries.

That theme is "I have a great life, but....."

Mindsay has been there to give me an outlet to release both my pain and happiness. I believed that if I wrote something about myself enough, It would eventually come true. Oh, the power of words.

I'll have to say that my most favorite thing about my mindsay is my titles that I've come up with. Some completely random, some relevant, some alittle cryptic, and a few too blunt. I remember some of those nights on Merriam-Webster looking up words to make sure I'm using the right context. For over a year and a half, I proofread every entry 3 times before I posted it.

I'm kind of sad to see Mindsay in such a deserted state. It seems as if I walked into an old ghost town and I'm leaving one last post on the church door to the next lonely traveler who happens to stumble across it. Maybe they'll find my blog. Maybe they'll like it. Maybe they'll notice the heart and soul I poured into it. Maybe, and I hope, that they might even learn something....

and for the very last time they'll read.....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Can You Read the Graffiti Spread Across Every Bloody Entry?

dontnowhy — 2006-01-16T12:01:02-05:00

"I watched you flaunt the darkest shade I've ever seen

and grow into someone I've never wanted to know

but couldn't help but notice"

Umm. Yeah, I'm back.

Sometimes when I sat in class almost about to fall asleep, I started thinking of where I'm going after school. Not after highschool, but after 3:00pm rolls around. I start believing. I start seeing. I start breathing in the goodness of a life anew. A dry season nonetheless, but a season at that, in which I can explore my opportunities for new friendships and love that never dies. Failing to see why I've done some things I have, but residing in the fact that I did, and it was part of a plan. The age of 17 has never seemed so bitter until you reach that halfway mark when you realize you have 6 months of childhood left. I've known that sooner or later It was going to leave me for good, but now its here. Staring me in the face.

An understood vow of silence has been broken, never to be remended.

This feeling has the worst kick, but an even worse after-taste.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Worn Out Burnt CDs

dontnowhy — 2006-01-18T08:01:34-05:00

Its the summary of our lives as we know it. The search for that next big thing on our lists.

Just between you and me, I've got a confession to make. I truly believe I operate better on 2 hours of sleep than I do with my usual 7hrs. I stayed up till almost 4:00am this morning finishing a Spanish project that consisted of coloring 12 pages worth of Spanish Bible. I probably could have pulled an all-nighter if my dad hadn't told me to go to bed.

FACS swept Northside at their place last night. That made my week.

After the comment I recieved from Bridget about age having nothing to do with being an adult, I began to dwell on the absolute truth that statement entails. In my experience, I've met 25 year olds who have less motivation, focus, and maturity than some 10 yr olds. I want the age 18 to mean something though. I want it to be a dramatic change, a revelation, an awesome experience, but I've realized that it will just represent another day, another year I've used to either better myself and others, or squander with meaningless wastes of time spread between separations of relationships and anger.

The world will see that day as a day when another young guy gets a chance to vote and light up legally, but I will see it as much more. A day that I can thank God for getting me this far, a ledge that i can save as a bench mark in my climb of life, and an experience that I can enjoy in the new journey that will start the minute I'm ready.

And I just want you to know that I feel really great about life right now. Then again, there's no telling how i'll feel after i wake up tomorrow....

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Its Late, but OK.

dontnowhy — 2006-01-20T10:01:28-05:00

If I had a friend that called me at 2:00am just because they couldn't sleep...

If I had a friend that could call me a complete idiot with a smile on their face...

If I had a friend that could see past the BS I use to defend myself....

If I had a friend that could tell what I was going to say before I even say it....

If I had a friend that just wanted to have fun with me...

If I had a friend like that....

I think I'd hold on to them.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

A Large Kodiak Bear

dontnowhy — 2006-01-23T09:01:19-05:00

A good book can inspire you not to fall asleep when you really should.....for health reasons...

Occassionally you will find that the mysteries of another person become quite transparent come 9:00am on a saturday morning over a short stack at IHOP.

Have you ever....

tried to jump up a flight of stairs only to skin the palm of your hand?

tried to carbonate a bottle of water with a bike pump?

seen a squirrel fall out of a tree....after a falling acorn?

fallen in love only to realize that it hurts alot more than you once thought?

I sure hope so. Life wouldn't be half as great without those experiences to remind us that we are still human.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

A Plastic Cup of Notes From Long Ago

dontnowhy — 2006-01-29T07:01:30-05:00

A time I wish I could forget, but knowing that it practically summarizes my middle school career makes me look back on that month in history as a time of awkwardness and mystery. Did I truly know what I was doing? I was merely a 7th grader. Why me?

I cleaned my room entirely today. I turned it upside down and threw away or gave away half of my possessions. I call it my "the-weather-outside-is-like-spring-anyway-so-why-not cleaning". I found so manythings that made me fell great like notes of encouragement, but made me sad, because they were from people I truly care about, but rarely talk to anymore. I've kept almost every note I've ever recieved since seventh grade in a few shoeboxes. I went through and read each one and threw away about 50-60 small folded pieces of paper and kept about 20. It was nice.

I can actually breathe in my room now. It smells really good too. It took me about 6-7 hours, but it was worth it. Thank God. Literally.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Stay After Time

dontnowhy — 2006-02-05T12:02:03-05:00

Many times I sit and hope that one day I'll understand why it is exactly I sit and hope.

I don't like days-after-rainy-days. Everything's so wet.

I'm almost done with a book called In Summer by Jeremy Jackson. Its great. I highly recommend it. It describes the summer after highschool for a guy who works as a life guard and helps his cousin of the same age build and start up a farm while finally falling in love with a girl he'd known his whole high school career. I have 1 chapter left. So I think I might go to Books a million today and get a new book. Then Super Bowl. Go Steelers.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Oh Beautiful View

dontnowhy — 2006-02-09T02:02:17-05:00

Oh beautiful view, why do you surround me? Cramping my emo style and showing me the light. I never thought I'd say it, but I can't live with your smile. I'll create my own happiness far from you. Experiencing life and loving it all while knowing you are lurking close yet concealed. I make my way through a particular day wondering if you remember me. So many ways to say what I mean. Not enough meaning to say it.

You stay past time and stare at me from across the plain. The lack of comfort is sensed after its all over. On my mind but out of sight, I still feel you. Like you're following me. Stalking my words, manifesting a physical monitor of my actions, though I know you are far from me...just as I wished.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

For Our Love, For Our Fear

dontnowhy — 2006-02-12T08:02:54-05:00

Valentines day is here and I feel the spirit of it. Working in a candy shop, you kinda get it in full swing. I've had more people ask me if I have a girlfriend than ever before these past 4 days. I'm kinda feeling as if I should, but then I remember my past attempts and they pretty much make me cringe. Love is such an easy thing to fall into, but such a mess to get out of. "Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -Robert Frost(my buddy) I think it would be fun to have someone on Valentines Day. I always have. Since like 2nd grade. Its funny thinking back to those days and remembering my first crush. It lasted like a day, but it was still fun. Alright, I'm done reminiscing. Find your love and maybe one day they'll realize they love you as well. thanks for visiting my life- Jake

Days Like Today Make Other Days Look Bad

dontnowhy — 2006-02-19T04:02:22-05:00

beauty. cold. sunny. calm.

Today, I bought some washer fluid and a new ice scraper that is exactly like my old "bearclaw". He's the "Bearclaw 2".

I once fell in love, but now I watch my step.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Like The Dream That Haunts My Bed

dontnowhy — 2006-02-20T10:02:53-05:00

"What are you going to do with your life?"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Have you thought about college yet?"

"What is your major going to be?"

"Are you going to want a family?"

"How many kids?"

"Have you thought about what kind of woman you're going to marry?"

"What ARE your plans for the future?!"

uhh.........pass?

I remember my freshman year like it was yesterday. I was more stressed about college then than I am now. Where should I go? What should I do? I honestly almost killed myself from stress. Then my dad told me, "chill out, you have time." Did I chill out or what? For the next 10 months after my freshman year, I did NOTHING. I was so relaxed. It was great. I had not a care in the world. Now, I feel the heat alittle bit. Last year, after i failed to raise the tuition for Summer school at Georgetown, I felt as if I should just quit and the politics of going to college wasn't worth it. Well, I calmed down about that too and settled into the fact that no matter where I end up in life, I want to be happy and with God. If I'm a trashman walking up every morning riding the back of a truck down a street all day, I'm cool with it. If I'm a man that travels the world in search of that one thing that sparks my interest most, than I'm down with it. If I'm a CEO of some huge corporation that makes billions of dollars a year, It'll be fine by me. If I'm a lowly actor in some theatre in a big city working a part-time job just getting by, I'll live with it. As long as God provides for me, I'm all good.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

Fevered

dontnowhy — 2006-02-23T08:02:05-05:00

Strange light skin that I believe in
It stretches over bone and smells like honey on the wind
Oh so strange I can't remember
Where the heartache ends and the fever ache begins

Scenes of Mary Magalinda
Shakes her lovers bones at all the demons in the window
Oh so strange the dreams of hoping and the
Heartache swells and quickens me in the end

And it slows down, it slows down
'Till I shut down, I will drown

Strange light skin that I believe in
It leaps out of the phone and spills like honey from the window
Warm and strange I can't remember
Heart break mends when the fever ache begins

"Fevered" - The Stills

beautiful.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

You Know How It Feels

dontnowhy — 2006-03-02T10:03:18-05:00

cause there's the end.

I forgot how many people actually read this thing. Oops. I had the BEST day today. EVER. EVER.

I'm not going to go into detail, but everyone that cares already knows why. I had a life-changing, mood-altering experience last night while sitting right at this very desk. I don't know where it came from but It felt great, and it has lasted me the whole day, and I hope it lasts the rest of my life. Its indescribable. Its wonderful. I have never felt better in my life. Nothing has made so much sense. I truly believe it is God-given. Only He could change my heart in a split second and cause me to be in state of ecstasy 24 hours....so far...

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake

There Must Be

dontnowhy — 2006-03-17T02:03:05-05:00

The world woke me again

to reveal one more secret

restless and alive once more

I stumble out to feel

there must be joy in being unseen

there must be joy in being unbreathed

the cold air of being untouched

and that feeling of I've loved so much

there must be laughter in our cries

there must be a faith that never dies

I can see the rebirth in your eyes

That same feeling when the sun will rise

Sometimes I wake up from a good nap inspired. Today just happened to be one of those naps.

thanks for visiting my life-

Jake